Just got an e-mail from S's teacher. He's been tardy lately frequently. Because Wh was sending him to school late. But this is not the major issue.

S had inappropriate behavior. He said bad words to the 5th grade girls in recess. Just forwasrded the e-mail to WH and going to calll him up to discuss this.

I think this maybe a good chance to practice POJA. We never did that before. Please help me with some idea how to discipline S and make agreement with WH.

All helps are appriciated.

Someone please help. Give me some idea. I have to talk to WH and leave in 30 min.

Hi lostnhurt,

I don't know how helpful I can be, but I hear your urgency so I wanted to respond.

I think the most important thing is to remember that the word "discipline" means "teach". What do you want your son to learn? How do you teach him that?

One summer when my kids were young, we had a terrible problem with name calling. This is what I did: the offender had to write a list of 10 positive things about the offended. Then, if the offended wanted to, he or she could tell the offender how it made them feel. Then the offender had to read the list of the 10 positive things to the person they had offended.

It worked, mostly because repeats positive things were not allowed for 4 days. The most surprising thing to me was that it helped the offended the most--hearing 10 positive things about yourself is good right? Especially since name calling was such a huge problem, the first few days each child heard about 60 or 80 nice things about themselves! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Like I said, it was a big problem and I was desperate for a solution. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Take care

I should also tell you what my kids told me about why it was a successful method. They said that the times they would want to namecall was the same times they would NOT want to read a list of 10 positive things to that person. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Loving, thank you so much. I just talked to WH on the phone about this idea. But his communication skill is very poor. He kept dragging it away to something different. It took me few times to get him listen to what I said. Finally he said that it is a good idea.

I came up with 4 positive things and aksed him to provide more, he started to talk something else. I have to tell him that i want the list. Now we come up with 8. I will not give it to S, but it will serve as a reminder if he gets stucked. Thanks a lot.

hurting,

I used this as an example of figuring out what I wanted to teach my kids. I wanted to teach them that if they were responsible for bringing someone down, they were also responsible for boosting them up. That's how I came up with the idea.

However, I'm not sure this will work in your son's case. For one thing, he said it to 5th grade girls. It is common for boys at that age to tease girls they have a crush on. If that's the case in your son's sitch, it might be better to teach him things he can say to girls that are not inappropriate, but aren't going to make him look or feel like a doof either.

It might be better for him to just apologize and then say one of those things if he wants to, but don't make him. The male ego can take big hits when they are still boys. Saving face is high on their priority list. To prevent further incidents, you could tell him that he would have to do the 10 things the next time--he'll have a stroke at the thought of it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Take care

Loving, thank you for your suggestion. My boy is only 8, he is in 3rd grade.

Here is what I propsose to my Wh and he agreed.

He has to appologize to the girl(s). Then he has to read this, when i meet you again, I will do some or all of the the positive things in my list:

1. Say hi
2. Smile
3. Shake hands
4. Say thank you
5. Open the door for you
6.

I forgot, now I just came in the office. The list was lefte at home. That is why I asked Wh to suggest more things for the list. Anyone can add things to the list.

Here is what S wrote and his teachers comment:


Dear Jonah,
I can see that you have a real problem on your hands. I know karate and you don't say"Hyiiiiiiah!" But If I were you and Grandville made "me" fall off "my" bike, I'd probably get on the bike and make a skid mark on the seam of his pantsonce he slows down. When he goes home his mother would probably say " What happened to your butt?"

Teacher:
You gave Jonah some pretty btutal advice,. I'm glad he didn't follow it.

Jonah is the main character in the book they read. They are supposed to write something about it.

My question is: Is this a bad one? My Wh thought S was pretty smart of writing something and he was joking only. But I see it as a hatrey from him. Should I discipline him? And How? Should I contact his teacher about this? What should I say? Should I get WH's agreement first before any action?