Hello All,

I work with my OW and have still been looking for work.

My boss is aware of my A with the OW. I shared this with him because 1) I wanted someone here at work to hold me accountable since I work in the same office with the OW. 2) I didn't want anyone else her to get caught in the same trap.

I've noticed lately my boss and the OW are taking lunch together on a regular basis. My boss suffers from depression and it's ugly at times. Anyhow, I'm concerned by the fact that they are taking lunch together. He's newely married and I would hate to see him get mixed up in an A. The OW and her husband have an open relationship and he likes to watch her with other men. (Sick I know)

Question is do I talk to my boss and share my concern? Just looking for a little help.

Thanks,

Titleist

unfortunately stay out of it...

you go to him
he goes to her...
they come to you...
blah blah blah blah....

kaboooom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ARK does that make any sense at all?

Yes.

You shared your issue with him, so you're comfortable breaching this topic again, huh?

Perhaps warn him that, "she's trouble. Don't fall into the same trap I fell in to. It ain't worth it. She's poison. She's a swinger and you're nothing but fresh meat."

If you get his attention, share what you get out of here maybe.

WAT

Titleist, I wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy. I definitely think you should tell him and save him and his wife a potentially marriage ending problem. Like WAT said you were comfortable enough before to talk to him. So if you still consider him a friend help him. Better safe than sorry.

This is how I see it...

titlest...be honest if someone came to you with
"concerns" about your early friendship with OW>..
you would have defended and ignored...

now YOU coming to boss on this level..

"obviously" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> you still must pine for OW...still must want to be involved...

I'd back way way off....
ignore...

sorry but grownups are grownups...
fog induced grownups...scary spoooky....

they will drag you in to this...

they will "become" closes as you feed in to their friendship....

playing with fire....

ARK

Thank you all for responding so quickly.

The next question is how do I broach the subject without sounding accusatory? I don't want to alienate him. It's just that I could see this as really happening. I also feel that there is one more guy here who is single that she is getting mixed up with. Is it wrong for me to want this all to blow up in her face?

Titleist

nope cause it will blow up in YOUR face...

you should far past this..

can't change her...
can't change him...

ark

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Titleist:
<strong>Is it wrong for me to want this all to blow up in her face? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Right or wrong, I believe that's a normal reaction.

You're obviously getting different takes on this situation - probably indicative of the messiness.

Do you know your boss' wife? Any Kids?

ark makes a good point, but I say warn him. I think you can do it without it being accusatory. Just, "Hey, man. Not really my business, but I'd hate to see you fall in to the same trap I did. Be careful."

But then - or even if you DON'T warn him - what about his wife? She deserves to know, but is this your responsibility? Of course not! But is it the right thing to do to warn HER?

A tough call. Specifically because you don't even know if it's occuring. You just see some warning signs.

WAT

WAT,

Thanks for the help.

I do know his wife and I'm not sure where they are with their relationship. I do know that his first marriage ended after he walked in on his with and the OM. He filed for divorce the next day. There's a side of me that says I warned him when I first told him about my affair. I don't think it's time to say anything to his wife. I'd hate to make an accusation with no substance. I have a feeling that if the relationship continues something will go wrong.

I think I'm going to let it marinate a while and see how things are in a week or so.


Titleist

After some thought,I agree with WAT and would casually mention something to the effect that you wouldn't want him(boss) to go through what you did(all the pain,suffering,etc).I wouldn't tell the W because there isn't really anything concrete to tell yet.I would put the "pressure" on the boss first.

You could also do nothing BUT if I were in your shoes,I would feel a sense of "duty" to try and prevent another casualty of Infidelity if you could, especially since you know firsthand what can happen.If after you talk with boss about it and the lunches continue,well then you at least tried to help.Ugh.

It's almost like watching a slow moving train wreck,you know it's gonna hit but you can't stop it from happening. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I hope your boss will realize that he's on the cusp of a potentially life altering situation.Frequent lunches with an OW that is KNOWN to have had an A and has an open marriage is playing with fire,big time.

O

Titleist - the logic in your last post makes a lot of sense.

You're in the best position to pick the right course - we cannot possibly know better not being there.

But as things progress, maybe bounce your logic off us for an idiot check. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Oh, maybe try this: Ask your boss if he knows a good place to buy turn signal fluid. If he pauses before answering, he needs help - fast.

WAT