It's been a while. I haven't been posting because I didn't go to Plan B like I was advised - felt I'd be a hypocrite to not take advice, then come here to whine. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I've been lurking all the while, and have kept up with everyone's stories.

Quick update: OW and I had a confrontation a couple of weeks ago.... IN MY HOME . Based on this confrontation, WH decides he's had enough of OW's manipulative ways. He "wants to be back in control of his life, as she has had too much influence and control". So, he moved out of her apt, and into his own.

I have supported this move. Even though it's not what I want 100%, at least he's out from under her thumb. He just moved in last week, and will be coming to take some furniture from the house (renting furniture is too expensive, and I take it as a positive sign that he doesn't want to invest in new furniture).

Since he has decided to move, he is a different man. He is much more relaxed, and things between us have definitely improved. He is much more open and honest with me, and we joke around just like old times. Recently, we shared a very blunt conversation about our sex life and its problems. There's also been plenty of innuendo floating around.

All this being said, he is still seeing OW - and has not made mention that he'll stop. As a matter of fact, they left today to go on a cruise (that was booked a couple of months ago - some may remember my panicked post). Before he left this morning, he sent me an unsolicited email ....

"I wanted to say goodbye before I left but I thought a phone call would be a little more awkward. I know it must be upsetting for you for me to do this. I am sorry. I don't want you to be hurt.

I decided I probably won't call from the trip. I can't really talk to D and S is sporadic anymore with his desires to talk on the phone to me. I would just be talking to you and while I am on this trip is probably a bad time. I will only be gone for a few days anyway.

Try and put out of your mind what I am doing or feeling. I don't want you to be in pain. Keep busy. Go spend some of our money on Mother's Day. Treat yourself. I will call on Monday after I get back.

Kiss my children for me and tell them that I love them and miss them very much."

If nothing else, at least I know he'll be feeling incredible guilt on this trip - as well he should.

Based on how things have been between us leading up to this trip, I feel positive. I guess I'll know upon his return. What do I expect, you ask? I would like to start dating him again, and show him that his romantic love for me CAN return. I truly believe he is starting to see OW for what she is - mean and manipulative (polar opposite of me), and doesn't like it. I want to show him that we CAN recover from this awful tragedy.

I am feeling hopeful (amidst all the pain I'm feeling thinking about the two of them on this cruise) about 'us' for the first time in a long time.

Thanks for caring......

Please feel free to post, whether or not you take the advice given here. It is a long process. I have not taken a lot of advice, and now I wish I did. However I have grown and changed. Each person has to work on the program at their own pace.

Thanks, believer (I can't count how many times I've typed that... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )

I know there are people here that have been doing this a long time, and I know the advice I'm getting is good. I'm just not as strong as some others on the board.

I appreciate the support, regardless. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Well hon, we get stonger, the more we go through this. So keep posting. You need to work through this in your own time.

WHB....please dont stop posting because someone has told you to do something you dont want to. People have told me countless times to do things and I dont. But I'm still here. Please keep us posted. Things sound like they might be turning around!

WHB
Glad to hear your WH has his own apt. No it's not the perfect situation but hopefully every step away from OW is a step closer to you.

I feel very connected to you because our sitch is somewhat similiar. We are near the same ages, been married 8yrs together 12yrs, We have 2 children a S5 and D1, and my WH has moved out (not with OW). I read some of your old post and in one you said that your a pleaser me too. I am also scared and not emotionally ready for plan B.

My WH and his OW also took a vacation together. You know their life is so stressful no bills, laundry or child care <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> they really needed the break. I'll be hoping your WH and his OW are both nausea their entire cruise and that your WH suffers from guilt constantly.

Mom - I hope you're right. I feel in my heart that the pendulum has begun to swing in my direction, or shall I say OUR direction. I only hope his heart is feeling that, too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Limbo - ROFLMAO!!! I like your scenario. How did you handle things when your WH and the OW went away? Luckily, I had discussed with SH what to do in this scenario, so when he told me about their impending trip I did not LB. That was a couple of months ago.

Since then, as you read in this post, things between us have changed. I only hope that we can pick up where we left off, instead of back track.

We've been on several cruises before (and even this particular ship), and I told him that he's going to see me every where he goes. His response was, "Not if I'm drunk enough." I said, "Oh, THAT will please her." His reply: "it's a big ship."

I know things are far from perfect in their R, and I hope this vacation only solidifies that. You know how vacations can be, though, they could come back energized and renewed in 'their love'. Ick.

I'll read up on some of your posts and give you my 2 cents - just remember, you get what you pay for! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

WHB,

He may come back sick of OW or he may come back all ensnared. I'd think close up and personal time in one another's face 24x7 would do one or the other.

When he does come back, keep to your Plan A and especially avoid LBs!! The reason my H's EA fell apart was because OW badmouthed me to him. He said that just made him want to defend me against her; at the same time, he said if I'd badmouthed her the tables would have turned the other way. You can see why I'm such a supporter of a strong Plan A - *especially* avoiding the LBs!

I imagine with him moving out and getting his own place, she'll be getting clingy and pushy. She'll LB. Plus she'll figure out he's talking to you and that will make her nuts. She'll LB big time.

Patience, my dear, and a Plan A. (I know that's exactly what you are doing and have been doing - a stellar performance, by the way!)

Thanks for the reply, turtle.

I, too, have thought of him coming back from this vacay all distant again. My view of their relationship is that they do just fine when there are no outside interferences (such as the sitch on their cruise) - she is very attentive to him and he just eats that sh1t up. I know she's discussed getting naked at every oppt'y, and I know that's nothing he'll forego, either. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

What she's not good at is dealing with pressure. So far, I am a peaceful breeze compared to her raging thunderstorm. I guess my 'conflict avoider' status is in my favor on this count.

And I believe her utter disrespect toward me by entering my home is what sent WH over the edge. He's been talking about getting his own apartment for over a month. 12 hours after our 'encounter', however, he'd put down a deposit.

I am doing my BEST to be the lighthouse. I have to pray that while he's been lost at sea, the one tiny beacon of light he's seen is getting closer and closer by the day.

- WHB