cwmac, I had another thought for when you come back here.

You may ALREADY have the complete truth and your w may well think that you can now be moving forward but you are stuck in not believing her. That would p me off I must say if H didn't think he had the whole truth when he actually has.

Just a thought.

By the way H and I are both on ADs. (Isn't everyone on this board - hey they could have pop ups advertising them here - what a market!) He's taking herbal ones, St Johns Wort, because of the unpleasant (sexual) side effects he had on Paxil.

Jenny

KiwiJ
I've thought of that however...


My W had answered alot of questions after DDay1. She admitted to a EA, secret lunches, a secret dinner and the fact that they were special friends. I asked about the sex issue, whether they had kissed and several other questions. All of these questions received lies for answers.

BTW,I learned early at MB to be very calm when talking about our R.

As I said we then began an 18 monthe period of "recovery". Things were getting better. Then a year after DDay1 OM calls and tries to speak with W. Good news is she doesn't speak to him bad news is she doesn't tell me. A week later I asked her if OM had ever tried to contact her. She said ,"no."

We were on a walk in public when I asked the question. I lost it and started crying like a nut case. Needless to say this was before I was on AD's <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Over our false recovery this happened approx. four times. Finally after the last event. My W finally realized that the truth needed to be told.

After DDay2 she was very hesitant to answer any questions.

Shortly after DDay2 in September we started M counseling. At one of the very first meetings I said that I still have questions. The MC said in a sarcastic voice," what questions do you still have?" Put on the spot and embarrassed, the only one I could come up with was the "did you love him?" Her response was," I guess so."

Just two weeks ago it came out that they were saying I love you fairly early before the trip to Europe.

The drips and drab nature of the information is very frustrating. It needs to all get out at once.

cwmac

KiwiJ

You said...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> You may ALREADY have the complete truth and your w may well think that you can now be moving forward but you are stuck in not believing her. That would p me off I must say if H didn't think he had the whole truth when he actually has </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You may be right but if I am stuck in not believing her it's due to the prolonged absence of truth from W. Based on the fact that I just heard about the "I love you" just last week I'm sure ther is more to come.

cwmac

Yes, cwmac, based on all this I think you are right.

I told H I loved OM the day I told him about the A. I also said I couldn't promise I wouldn't go if OM came for me. I'd forgotten the h*** of d-day and the days following until just the other day.

When I look back I just cringe with shame about some of the things I said.

Then I found MB.

Another thing that is so similar in our stories, we had a family trip to Italy soon after the A started. I've talked about this on here before. I e-mailed OM from every little town we went to. H didn't know this till the night the whole story came out. The holiday was my first European trip and was D's graduation present from us. We also took my mother. It was meant to make us all feel better after all the death's in the family the year before and to reward D for her degree.

Also, OM wasn't going to leave his W. He made that abundantly clear right from the start. (Just like the Tempted Woman outline of an OM.)

Hang in there.

Jenny

<small>[ May 09, 2004, 01:02 AM: Message edited by: KiwiJ ]</small>

Ladies,
HAPPY MOTHERS DAY TO ALL. Whether you are (KiwiJ)or aren't (MrsX & Lisa103?) (Oaktown??) have a great day.

BTW, for the non-mothers today is a good day to grab your spouse and start practicing the creation part. Heck it's a good day for all of us to due that <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Thanks for all the ideas, support, suggestions, patience etc over the past few weeks (especially through the bombardment that we got from others)

cwmac

Mrs X,
I just reread my original posts to your original thread. God I was tough on you. I'm kinda embarrassed.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=37;t=025643;p=7

Now that I think about it I was tough on Lisa103, too and another WS who was posting to her. Sally I think.

I wasn't very empathetic to your situations. Hopefully the tough love helped.

cwmac

BTW,
I've been here forever and still don't how to give a link a name.

cwmac

I want to know how to do that as well.

Jenny

cwmac and Jenny,

you give a link a name by doing the following. I will use {} so that it doesn't try to make a link of the example. Just replace the curly brackets with regular brackets [].

Here it is {url=address} Name of link {/url}

The address is what you have already posted.

Hope this helps.

JL

::::I also couldn’t seem to get anyone to understand that my reaction was caused by someone’s first post that said to the effect that I should just assume that my W’s OM had a bigger [censored] than me and that he is everything in bed that I’m not.

Hi cwmac, I didn't understand why you got so mad with me. I do now. I either said it badly or you misunderstood what I was saying. Firstly, I did not think those things about you. HONESTLY Why I said it was that I thought asking the question of how much OWW enjoyed sex with OM was setting yourself up to be really, really, really hurt. That's why I said, why not assume the worst e.g bigger [censored] etc, because while you are just thinking it in your head, there's always an escape hatch..... you are just thinking it, you don't really know. BUT once you start asking questions of WW about how much they enjoyed it, you are getting closer to getting the confirmation of your deepest fears. One step closer to that terrible, terrible pain. Learning they enjoyed it more with OP than with us, is unbearable. So I was just saying to you to stop at just thinking about it. Even if you are assuming the worst, it's still just an assumption - it's not necessarily the truth.

CAn you understand that I wasn't belittling you I was actually trying to protect you. As stupid as that might sound. I am in your sort of pain too - why would I want to hurt a fellow sufferer? And, though others thought I was feeling bad for myself, it was you I was feeling bad for. Not me. It really was that simple. I was resentful of them going there, where I knew you could be hurt. Actually I didn't even care about them giving all the lurid details - coz it wasn't the details that bothered me, it was what you would take from it that bothered me. And that's the crux of the matter.

anyname
ps won't interrupt any more.

(((cwmac))),

If you were hard on me, then it's because I needed it at the time. MY GOSH, was I deep in the fog!!! I just re-read your posts on my thread and what you were doing was trying to help me see the truth. You gave me what I needed! Please don't apologize for that. You helped me more than you can possibly imagine! I thank you for that! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Stop being so hard on yourself. It sounds like you are second guessing yourself here, you are very valuable to us on this forum, trust me. Your questions and input are important because again, I am not getting any questions or input from my H. You are helping me more than you know.

mrsx <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

MrsX,
Second guessing myself? Probably. I reread my original posts to you during the fiasco of the other thread. I was a bit sensitive at the time.

I think the later posts were a bit more posative bc I was starting to get an interest in your situation and was truely hoping that you'd see the "light." As I'm typing this I just remembered a post I made right after you told MrX. Something to do with the fact that you had waited so long and then Merry _______ Christmas. OMG.

I'll chalk it up to the idea that JL or TMCM and I were in the roles of "good cop; bad cop." No need to spell out who was who. lol

Guess I'm a little happier now than then despite my posts wanting more info/ truth from MrsCwmac.

Hope all goes well this week with you.

cwmac

hi cw!! I agree with mrsx...don't go second guessing yourself on what you have told the FWS's (including myself) on this forum...I have to say that the 2 x 4's have for the most part done more for me at the time to snap me out of fog-land than the nice words. We as FWW's need a mixture of both!!!

I hope that your W opens up to you because you sound like an amazing person. To put yourself thru the pain of asking us FWW's what we experienced in the A.

I wish you luck!

MrsX and Lisa103,

OK then, I have a 2x4 ready here anytime you think you might need a good smack right between the eyes. lol

cwmac

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by cwmac:
<strong> MrsX and Lisa103,

OK then, I have a 2x4 ready here anytime you think you might need a good smack right between the eyes. lol

cwmac </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">hehehe <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

mrsx

MrsX,
I meant to tell you awhile back that you may want to read the book "Mars and Venus in the Bedroom" I tought of it when you mentioned that your drive is strong and MrX's seems to be less.

There's an idea on how women with the stronger drive can help the husband. I'll let you read it though. Don't want to get accused of being obscene again.

cwmac

Mrs X,
Not sure you saw this post. You need to but the book. When I read the section on why H's are less interested in sex, I thought of your situation.

take care,

cwmac

cw...ok..confession. I needed the 2 x 4 this past week for something that I did. I'll just say this for the experience, for the first time these "feelings" that I thought I still had for OM have been brought into reality and I now realize what a selfish, arrogant bast**d he was and is!!! I needed to get to this point, believe me!!!

How are things going with you and your W?

Lisa103

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I needed the 2 x 4 this past week for something that I did. ....for the first time these "feelings" that I thought I still had for OM have been brought into reality and I now realize what a selfish, arrogant bast**d he was and is!!! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">OK. I'm confused. You start out by saying that I needed to get the 2x4, with the large "L103" on it, out but then you finish by saying that you realized what a jerk the OM was. OK Fess up. What happened?

Re Mrs Cwmac: For the past several days I've been on the MB board and have surfed the site in full view of the W. Normally I wouldn't bc it makes her mad. She thinks my feelings (needing the questions answered) of the A are just bc I come here to discuss feelings. Comments like," I believe that you think about the A bc of the visits to this site."

Well, something interesting happened last night. I was on the site and she sat down next to me and I was flipping thru GQII, JF Out and Recovery. Saw a title "blue pill or red pill" She said," what's that one." So I clicked on it.

It was the perfect post for my situation. It was a question about if you could choose between two magic pills would you rather know all the details or forget about it.

We read the responses and it was perfect. Not sure it convinced her but it helped bc she saw female and male BS posting about how important it is to get back to a certain trust level thru getting all the truth.

Here's a link:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=31;t=014657

So Lisa I've got the 2x4 ready. Fess up.

cwmac

Hi "Dr" cwmac, Lisa has pretty much fessed up on my post "Lisa 103".

BTW wow, that old huh???? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I know Mrs cwmac would get such a lot out of talking to us.

Why don't you send her to my post?

Jenny