I'll try my best to keep this brief, if not, please forgive me!!
My husband works in a very physical demanding job. I used to work at the same company, and so did the OW. After their affair, I felt that it was in my best interest to resign. I used to help my husband with his job when he needed help, even though I wasn't paid for it. I did it because I felt that since he was working his butt off, and I was only working part time, that I should help him as much as possible.
Well, this morning he calls me on the cell phone and sounds panicky. I guess the truck that he was driving had a dead battery and he was worried about servicing his next customer. He asked if I could come and help him. I was in the middle of doing something, and I would have to drive 45 minutes just in order to help him.
For some stupid reason, my tongue got a mind of it's own and I blurted out "All the other men who work there don't have their wives at their beck and call when something goes wrong, I think you're too dependent upon me!! Then if someone finds out that I've helped you and teases you about it, then I get accused of doing your job for you!!"
He then hangs up on me. I looked at the phone for a minute, call him back and then told him that I was tired of feeling guilty since I only work part time and I feel that he expects me to help him with work because of that factor. Then I said "You've never liked it when I've hung up on you, so take this!!" And then I hung up on him. Major LB!!
So, here I am...an emotional wreck again. His affair had ended just a month ago, and I guess my emotions are still pretty raw. I didn't bring up the affair to him, but I guess I'm feeling a bit resentful that he was willing to divert his time and energy away from our marriage towards another person, yet I'm expected to drop whatever I'm doing to help him at work because his truck won't start? Maybe it's because he just assumed that I would do this? When I need help with something, he's usually not available to help me. No, it's not his choice, it's just that he can't leave work to help me, and to demand something like that of him would make me feel like a helpless female.
Perhaps that's the root of my problem. I had always been so independent and self-sufficient, that he just got used to depending on me for everything. However, I'm learning how to lean on him a bit more and let him take the lead, and I don't think I've found that balance yet.
So, I'm stuck between feeling guilty for not helping him at work, yet I'm sitting on the computer typing this...and then stuck with feeling resentful that I'm supposed to hop in my car and drive 45 minutes to help him with his job. I guess I kind of feel like he's taking advantage of me, yet I feel like I'm taking advantage of him by being home while he's out earning a paycheck.
I dread what his reaction will be and what he'll say to me when he comes home. I've gotten very good at apologizing, even when I didn't start the argument. Unfortunately, this time I am to blame.
I don't know whether to write him a letter and leave it in his car, or hide when he comes home.
Does anyone have any advice as to how I should handle my angry outburst?
