Need Help!

Husband left 6th time for OW, moved out of state just recently.... OW's husband has hired a PI- this gentlemen keeps calling me to meet and discuss details of what info I have about Affair versus what info he has.

At this point and time I have filed for divorce papers have not been served since he's currently out ot state..... OW's husband served her with divorce papers before they left....

Anyway, shall I talk with this PI or not, my attorney advises me not to.... I have more info for an adultery case then PI does., I think he's just using me for info for his own case... He know's lots about OW of course since hubby hired him but he is trying to obtain info about my husband and info I have including records/copies.

Part of me is interested in what he might have but another part of me says" I have enough emotional pain to deal with right now" why take on more.

What are our thoughts?

BS (me) 44
H 47
married 22 years
2 boys 18 &16
D-day 4/21 6th time he left now out of state

Talking to him doesn't mean sharing your information.

If your attorney is concerned then perhaps you should have the P.I. meet with your you in the presence of your attorney. Your attorney could then stop you anytime he thought what the P.I. might want to know might not be in your best interest.

Good idea!!

Angel if you do this, have PI pay the fee for your attorney's time and service before the appt. You never know, the PI could have info that would be helpful to your case. Your attorney would know what questions to ask.

Angel,

If your attorney says no. Then it's no.
OW's husband can wait until your case is resolved and get the info he needs for his case.
You pay your attorney for advice. The advice is DO NOT talk to the PI.

I agree, I worry about PI taking my info and using it for himself and being paid for obtaining when I didn't get anything from him.

My H is the quilty part, they ae attempting to find out what he does for a living and all personal info, not sure I want to share....

My attorney feels PI is just using me, so far from talking with him I have more info on the both of them then he does.

I think I'll just hang loose and see what happens.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Angel with no Wings:
<strong>

My attorney feels PI is just using me, so far from talking with him I have more info on the both of them then he does.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Angel, what is wrong with asking you for information that he needs in order to help his case? I don't see how that is "using" you?

This man is a VICTIM of your H and his girlfriend, why wouldn't you help him as much as you can? Am I missing something here?

Another thing you might consider is that the more information the OWH has, the more ammunition he has to help END THE AFFAIR. You might have information that would otherwise take plenty of time and money to find and would save this man lots of money.

You could also work with the OWH to try and find ways to END THE AFFAIR. If pressure is put on the affair to end from both ends, why wouldn't you take advantage of that opportunity?

Please keep in mind who the real enemy is here, Angel, it is your H and his GF. This man isn't your enemy, he could be your greatest ally and you are throwing this asset away.

My advice would be to direct the PI to talk to your lawyer. Your lawyer may be protecting you from things you haven't foreseen. And of course the PI is using you. That doesn't make it wrong to talk to him, nor mean you shouldn't. It's his job.

I've been reading your threads a bit and I just want to add that I'm so sorry for all you are going through. This is indeed a very painful and horrible thing to go through.

Others will say take the time to 'work on you'. While at first this may seem like frustratingly maddening advice to keep hearing, there is great wisdom there. Right now you are frantic and on what we lovingly refer to as the rollercoaster. It'll take a bit of time for the rawness to fade, but there WILL come a time of healing. Just try to keep your boat stable and afloat till then.

Posting here helps. Alot.

dewt

Still trying to decided on PI issue, I know he has info about OW which WILL help me. BUT, I
also know they want info about my husband, were he works, salary that kind of stuff, not sure I want to share that info in detail.

Part of me wants all info I can get, and othe part says "You are already so emotional" why take on anymore!

Bottom line, I want to talk with PI, do you think I can play dumb and not offer to much info and see what he has?

OW husband is running out of money so I am told by PI, I feel so sorry for him and do want to help get his wife back home, which in turn would bring my Husband back to us....

THen I question, if he comes home will he stay, he's been in and out 6 times now? This OW has such a hold on him, he doesn't see walking away from family is priceless, there's no value, and it's not replaceable. How do I make him understand this.

As for PI- will most likely meet him tomorrow and see what he has, I am hoping this doesn't cause me more pain, but maybe if he tells me things I need to hear - My rollercoaster ride will be over-and I will become angrey and not want him anymore, so there are two ways of approaching this correct.

My attorney says no, doesn't like the man (PI)
PI say's he doesn't like my attorney, so apparently they have crossed paths before.....I wonder if that is causing my attorney to discourage him speaking with him....

Help.... am I doing the right thing?

Angel,

Ask your attorney why you shouldn't talk to PI and be specific. Wanting to know your husband's salary is a red flag to me. Sounds like they may want to sue your husband (are you in a state that allows suit for adultery?).

Do you have children to protect financially? I would take your attorney's advice, or at least have him present if you choose to talk to the PI. The PI might back out entirely, knowing that what he wants from you will not be gotten with your lawyers sitting across the table.

Good luck.

edited for typos!

~ Snow

<small>[ May 09, 2004, 01:14 PM: Message edited by: Snowbelle ]</small>

Angel, you and the OWH have the same goals, don't you? To end the affair? I guess I just don't get what the problem is.

What is your lawyer's reason for not seeing him? Not "liking" someone is not a good reason. Lawyers sure are not the arbiters of good judgement when it comes to saving a marriage. he doesn't give a ratsass if you save your M. On the other hand, I would bet Harley, who is a trained MC, would recommend talking to him and exchanging information because it can only help you.

Information is power, Angel, and I can't understand why you are looking a gift horse in the mouth? What am missing here? The more information you have, the more ammunition you have in ending this affair. I agree its good to be cautious, but please don't be so overly fearful that you throw away opportunities.

I agree that there might be certain things you shouldn't answer. If you feel there is no reason to answer, I would decline to give him the information. For example, what possible need would he have to know your H's annual income and how would that info help? On the other hand, how would having that information hurt anyone?

No, live in MD apparently these suits do go any place., not very often filed.... I wanted to file one against OW and was told MD doesn't do that...
Unless they found an attorney who is willing to try.... if so I say let them, it would serve him right!

As for financial, no - he's not sending me any money and asked me to quit my job to work on marriage then left..... so financially I am not sitting very well right now.

My thought would be not to give his personal info., tell them I can't do that and just collect info which pertains to their meetings, living together and family issues.

Do you think I can get away with this....