I am still focusing on my husband and continuing on the Plan A. We had that great night on Wednesday and the conversation was good (although he still talked about filing for divorce). However the last two days when I talked to him he hardley had anything to say. I ended each phone conversation with have a good night or whatever but did not push him at all. I have been pleasant and upbeat at all times but he still just shows no improvement. Everyone we know says he is so different and distant and it is so frustrating to me. I have no patience and while I don't think things change over night I am getting so frustrated with this whole mess. We have been dealing with this A and seperations for almost 9 months and it is exhausting. Any suggestions on how to keep positive during Plan A??

I still am not sure if OW is completly out of the picture or not. I am trying everything I can to find out so I can put an end to that but it is difficult when he is not around the house anymore.

Hope, you will have to learn some patience here if you want to save your marriage. You are going to be doing this for about 3 months AT LEAST. And you may not even get a response in that time. If that doesn't do anything, then we move to Plan B.

But time is your FRIEND here. It gives you time to ATTRACT him back into the marriage and gives him time to withdraw from the OW. It will take a lot more than a weeks worth of Plan A to convince him that you have changed.

Hang in there and don't give up!

Did you have an opportunity to mention to him how badly you feel for making him miserable?

Yeah I know I need to get some patience if I am going to do this. I have not had a chance to mention that to him yet. I have hardly talked to him the last two days. He is leaving for Florida on Wednesday so I thought I would mention it before he left. It will give him something to think about while he is gone <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I am so afraid I will push to much.

He still has not filed for divorce so that is a positive. I realize time is my friend I just wish time would move faster <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by hope&faith:
<strong> It will give him something to think about while he is gone <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I am so afraid I will push to much.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It is good that you are being cautious. If you don't feel it's a good time to say that, then don't. Just use your best judgement and go with the flow.

ML,

I will mention it before florida, I am sure. Do you know much about the Divorce 180s or the book Divorce Busters?? I have seen a couple of people hear mention it and I had debated on getting it and was wondering it has any good suggestions in it.

How long have you actually been doing Plan A?

Plan A is supposed to be short-term...if you've been doing it for 9 months, you are probably overdue for Plan B.

I have not been doing Plan A for 9 months. My WH husband has been having an A since November of last year but I have only been doing Plan A for about 2 weeks. He moved out in Jan. and then came back on D day (March 15th). Now he has moved out again and is threatening to file for divorce (which he has not done yet:). I am not sure if he is still in contact with OW or not. He says no and OWH seems to be keeping a close eye on her but my WH is doing some very suspicious things right now so...

I would think I need to stay in Plan A for a little while to see if that works first. When he was living in the house I was not very good at Plan A. I really pushed him to work on our relationship instead of letting him withdrawl:(.

Do you still think I need to move to Plan B??

Hope, you aren't even close to Plan B. At this point it would only be RELIEF for your H and would harm your chances of success. You need to do Plan A for much longer than 2 weeks so just hang in there. You still have alot of work to do to show him your best side.

Do you think he is reading your posts still?

And I have heard about Divorce 180s and think it is very effective. I would recommend you get that book. CarolK had phenomenal success with it:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=37;t=014880#000000

ML,

I do not believe that he is still reading my posts but then again I am not 100% sure. I will say that I am almost 100% positive he is still at least talking to OW. He got phone calls when he was at my home and immediatly shut his phone off. I of course did not ask him about the calls because I don't think I am supposed to in Plan A right?? I want to confront him and ask but I am sure that at this point it is going to be a LB.


Am I correct that in Plan A we are not supposed to talk about relationship and OW???

BTW I am going to pick up that book and start reading THANKS <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hope, in Plan A you definitely DO confront them with evidence of contact with the OW. Its often better to not talk about the relationship, because it will get you nowhere, though.

In your sitch, I would not bring up the OW right now only because he has left and y'all are not even close to a position where you are working on your relationship. Right now your job is to attract him back by showing him your best side.

Ok I understand but what if I have proof that he is seeing her?? Should I expose it to her husband??

My WH and I had that good night on Wed and now he just seems to be more distant. I am sure he is seeing/talking to OW and it is the most frustrating thing...

Everything seems so negative right now. He says he does not care if I date. He is not sure if he can love me again lalalala. The only positive thing I see is that he has not filed any paperwork.

Sounds like mom and I are now in the same boat <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Hope, oh yes! If you have evidence of contact, by all means contact the OWH.

And don't worry about the things your H is saying, they ALL say that! It is part and parcel of the alien mind! It means nothing at this point, only that he is still in an addiction to the OW.

Don't let it get you down, ok?

<small>[ May 09, 2004, 08:39 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>