Greetings from the UK everyone. Hope you are all staying strong and smiling.

Life is good right now: H2B has just been promoted! We have our home back after a short spell of his brother living with us, and it is exactly 2 months today until our wedding day.

So we have 2 months to do everything we need to do before we are married. But what is that?

Can anyone give me the benefit of their hindsight to help us start off our marriage on the very best footing?

Thank you very much in advance

By the way...
Amusing contributions are very much welcome as well <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi. Congrats on your wedding!

To answer your question, I wish that I could have been more honest w/my H in regards to what I like, what makes me happy, and what my biggest EN's are.

We were together for 7 years before we got married. For the most part thru the years I was very passive and very compliant. I did everything my H likes to do, I liked everything my H liked because I wanted him to be happy. I totally suppressed my likes, hobbies, desires, identity so that I could be the wife that he wanted me to be. All these years H thought I really *did* like the same things as him, want the same things as him, etc. because I never thought I was worthy enough to be his wife if I was myself.

2 years ago, (2 years after we got married) I could no longer suppress my identity, likes, EN's, etc. and I became *very* resentful towards H and very angry that I allowed myself to be in a position of weakness. I waxs tired of suppressing, I was tired of pleasing, I was tired of being weak. I wanted so bad to travel to the places I was interested in, do things I was interested in, and just be the me I haven't allowed myself to be for years.

I had an A because I met someone who I identified with, who liked all the things I did, and we had so much in common. I thought I found my soul mate. Thing was, I was just looking at another person for validation. Biggest mistake *ever* because in the end, I am still working with an IC to allow me to be me, and realize my H would have loved me anyway if I would have been honest in the beginning and the worst part is, I have broken my H's heart and nearly destroyed our M.

I wish you the BEST in your upcoming marriage!

mrsx

Thank you very much for your insight and good wishes, mrsx. I hope everything goes well for you in the future, and that you are happy.

I wish I had checked the transporter buffer to see what amount of brains had not found their way back into my fiance's head.

WAT

LMFAO! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hope you are well, WAT.

At first I thought nothing, we have a lot going for us before we got married and I was pretty happy with life in general.

Then, I know what was important then that I failed to do-- to ensure that we were both equally yoked in the eyes of God. This is very important to me now, and it's hard when my H has sinned and is no longer a believer.

Hope all goes well with you!

Glad your here,
Before marriage:I wish that my wife and I had been more honest with each other. Dating & courtship is a time when people are acting their best to please their future mate. They wear masks. Don't kid yourself you and your fiance do it also

Right after marriage: I wish I had read books like Men are from Mars Women... Venus. His Needs/Her Needs would be another one.

Read Getting the Love You Want now. It outlines how people pick mates. There are two primary forces. The fist is "completing ourselves" We pick someone who is strong at the traits that we are weak at thus completing ourselves. The old saying that opposites attract comes from this.

The second way in which we pick a mate is subconscious. We pick people who have the same posative and negative traits as our parents. The posative traits are what attract us to one another before marriage. "Once the honeymoon is over." The negative traits become primary and affect the marriage.

Haven't finished it yet but it's good so far...

cwmac

<small>[ May 09, 2004, 10:23 PM: Message edited by: cwmac ]</small>

Thank you all for your advice.

We have done the ENQ and the PHQ and discussed the results. We have also discussed the POJA and the PORH. We have made a lot of progress in our relationship since I found MB, and I thank you all.

At the moment we are trying not to be bogged down by life and enjoy the run up to the wedding together. We are making a big effort to maintain communication despite our busy lifes and opposite schedules.

We are also working on my jealousy. He is a bar manager and I always get worried that female members of staff look up to him a bit too much, if you know what I mean. This is my problem, as he has never done anything to make me not trust him.

Anyway, just a few ramblings.
Thank you all.

Do any vets have anything to add?