My WH came home about 10 days ago. He was late home twice from work since. He didn't call to tell me and he wasn't excessively late but I just have a sneaking feeling that OW is not out of the picture. I fully expected her to be a nuisance. She's already made many calls to our house. However, I just felt I would be such a 'nag' asking where he'd been, why didn't he call me etc. I know I am entitled to ask these questions but I have NEVER done this during our relationship. Of course, the trust is now gone and I reckon if I ask him, he'll probably lie. So I feel like I just want some good, hard proof. I can get a babysitter and just go hang out. I might make a fool of myself but only I will know that. Please advise me. Is 10 days too soon to be snooping around?

Hi Tummytuck - I think you have every right to spy. But I do think I would ask questions first. I know in plan A we're not supposed to be confrontational but I believe you could ask and see how he goes with it. And yeah, you're probably correct if he is still seeing OW he is probably going to lie.

I just recently did some extreme investigating and spoke with OW hubby. Must admit I was caught up with wanting to know and now that I know some amazingly detail things on this woman it has just put me in another spot of being scared for my WH.
As she is apparently pretty good at what she does and she has a long history of going for the dollars.
But it was a relief to tell him I knew where he spends his nites, I knew who she was, I knew she works with him . . . that sort of thing. It felt good to tell him I knew.
In my case, I even told him my fear of his being used for monetary reasons and that he could use the information however he wants.
I didn't harp on any information I gave him. I just put it out there and let him know.

So maybe? if any benefit comes out of your snooping. I would be that you can tell him you know.
I don't think your knowing changes the behavior drastically but I think it wears on the secrecy and it must take some of the thrill out of it. I don't know I'm guessing.

By all means...SNOOP!

I never regreted my snooping. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hire a PI is the best if you can find a good one. It takes off some of the stress of snooping.

Take care

By all means snoop! If you confront without evidence, they just hide it better and it leads to a big fight.

I would tell him that it worries you when he comes home late and ask him to help you rebuild trust by staying in touch and accounting for his whereabouts throughout the day.

I would ask him his plan to restore the trust in your marriage.

I have been guilty of snooping, but it has brought me much pain. My WW has filed for D against me, and I continue to snoop even still. I don't know that evidence will help anything; in our state there is no "punishment" for adultery in a D.

She lied, but finally admitted to an EA. That person left town, but now she has started another relationship that I fear will be much more serious. She has already lied about this OM, but said all along that she had no interest in dating once the D was final. She said she was looking forward to time alone to read, watch movies, etc. So much for that!

I guess the only thing snooping would do for me is give me piece of mind if I ever decided to remarry that it was scriptual.

Of course, being caught might cause someone to change, but I don't really know. Maybe someone could comment on that possibility.

Jody

WH's car is at the garage this week so now he's got an excuse to be late! Thanks for all your back-up. I think I need to talk about trust with him. There's a tendancy on both our parts to be non-confrontational and whilst he's at home, I hate to be constantly referring to his A. But, there are things that need to be said. Can't afford a PI, Zizzycool, but this is a small city where I live and it really wouldn't take too much time and effort to 'catch him out' if he is wrongdoing. I'll let you know what I decide.

I didn't really snoop, but I decided to gather information just in case. All the info was easily available in our house. The file cabinet, receipt box, his gym bag.

I just needed proof of the affair, for legal reasons. I made copies of jewelry, hotel and restaurant receipts, made a copy of all credit card bills, etc. I also found a love letter and a picture of the two of them together in his gym bag, which I also made a copy of.

I haven't followed him, it would be kind of hard, since he knows my car.

I do know the OWH, He called me once on business since we found out about the A, and I left a message when I ran into my WH and the OW shopping, I thought he needed to know they were together, but he never called me back.

Part of me doesn't want to know all that is going on and the other part of me does, just to know what I am up against.

I thought of hiring a PI, but its a money isssue also. I haven't contacted a laywer yet, even though I'm thinking about it just to see what my rights are during this separation.