R&J,
just curious, is he back home yet or still out there camping? Prayers for you.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> You WS are killing me with this Tent thing, but getting serious, at least his in the yard. I agree she should meke it difficult, but have some compashion on the poor H. At least send him some chow and maybe some linen. If you send the right peace token maybe you can smoke the peace pipe. Dont forget to send out smoke signals and keep an eye on H. Theirs nothing worse than a leaky tent during a rain storm. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Wishing you the best, dont give up his already taken the first step by putting the tent were you could see him.

FWH (37)
WS(38)
M17
NC 3/26/04
DD 12/7/03
3 boys (20,14,10)
In recovery and doing "Good"

Dear R J Please give update , were all just waiting to see what happens next <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Regards,

FCalunga

J,
I'm the WS, the OW, I'm on the other side of the fence, you know the dirty side. I have ended my A, and I'm in recovery with my incredibly forgiving H. I have a couple of things I want to share, I do think you need commitment from him before you start any questinaires, my H and I are sitting down this weekend and doing some. It will help you to figure out each others needs, but don't push him back to that tramp, takes one to know one. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> It is all in the timing. Also, my H and have read, The Total Money MakeOver, by Dave Ramsey. We are almost debt free, and it is new for us because we have never shared the finances, it is amazing the connection we have through this. We have a common goal, and it is just about us. I recommend this for you, you had mentions the stress of that. Oh, and I will be praying for rain and high winds. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Is he still in the tent?

Oh and regretful, your praying for heavy rains and high winds - LOL

I was in Wal-Mart yesterday buying sleeping bag for daughter (going on church youth group retreat). Saw tents on sale and was tempted...LOL

Just remembered - we do have a tent in storage.

My WH has a teeny apartment - no bed or even bedroom! Was mostly staying with OW and only rented apartment to pretend there was no OW. But now they are broke up most of the time so he really has to live in teeny place LOL

But I'd much prefer he live in tent in yard where I can can keep an eye on him LOL. And since we already tried a dew false recoveries maybe when he's ready to give up apartment and come hom I should have him do a probation period in tent before letting him back in home? LOL

Also, regretful since you are a FORMER OW with the right attitude and willing to admit you were wrong, and doing what's needed to end affair, I don't like you puttingng from time to time but ONLY the OW who are unrepentant/current OW.

<small>[ May 14, 2004, 09:58 AM: Message edited by: meremortal ]</small>

I can relate to the small apartment scene, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> the 4 wals start looking smaller as the days go bye. I actually had a bedroom,kitchen,bath situation nad I still felt so lonely. Have faith merymortal I think he will come around. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> When the fantasy is over and the guilt, frustration,etc. sit in it takes quite a toll on the OS. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

The tent thing is an option, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> and much better than the rent, I think so. Well as long as you let me go to the bathroom once in a while, maybe we can consider this a metting place. ahhhhh <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Take care,

And heres to success,

FCalunga

HOS(37)
WS(38)
M17
3 kids
DD 12/7/03
NC 3/26/04
In Recovery

Come in the home to go potty?

Nope - rent a port-a-potty LOL

Still would be cheaper than renting apartment.

OK, that might make me feel 'mean'...
Park an RV in the drive-way instead of a tent in the yard.

ON other hand, I strongly suspect OW and WH fought about him keeping his apartment. So maybe it's best to just leave LB'ing and pressuring to give up apartment to her? OW lives near me and WH's apartment is right by his workplace. OW used to work with WH and OW is probably worried he will take other OW from work to his apartment now that she doesn't work there anymore?

Anyway, still waiting to hear from original poster if her WH is still in the tent?

And now I want to know does she let him come in to use potty?

And what are the neighbors saying?

<small>[ May 14, 2004, 10:32 AM: Message edited by: meremortal ]</small>

meremortal,
Can I shop with you at Wal-Mart, maybe we can get a two for one on the tents. My H just called, he does that now days, to check on me, 10-20 a day, he acts like I was sleeping with his BF, oh wait, my bad, anyways, I told him what I was doing, he is completely annoyed, LB, because I'm chatting, he thinks I'm glorifying my A, he wants me to keep quiet about it at all times, we have some control issues. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> For the Love of God, my internet acct. is being closed on Monday anyways, let me enjoy this until then. BTW the humor is not disrespect, I don't take this lightly at all, it is just my way. Don't mean to offend.
sincerely FOW
how's that???

I wish I could get my Wh to sleep in a tent - then I wouldn't be going 3000 miles away.

If he pitched a tent here in San Diego, people would think it was to protest the housing costs!

Very Regretful,

Yup - I would go shopping with a reformed OW/WS anyday.

To assure your husband he doesn't need to call you so much, call him even more. Beat him to it. Every time he calls you call him back at least once or twice just to tell him you love him and appreciate him standing by you. Tell him you know how tough this is for him and that you will be there for him, not to worry. Be patient with him and don't act annoyed by his need for additional assurance.

Sorry to hear you won't be online for much longer. Read and post all you can until then. Print out stuff to keep and read later. I understand he may be too embarrassed or hurt to share with others. Men really take it as a blow to their ego when their wife strays. Respect his need for privacy and just support him. I wish you could stay online so we could support you too. You seem to be doing great and we're proud of your ability and willignness to do the right thing.

Good luck.

<small>[ May 14, 2004, 10:40 AM: Message edited by: meremortal ]</small>

Excelent suggestions, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Im a FWH and these kinds of idea worked with me. They helped me end my A. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

OS(37)
WS(38)
M17
DD 12/7/03
NC 3/26/04
3 kids
In Recovery

Update....

Neighbors haven't said a thing about the tent in the yard.

okay what you all have been waiting for....WH has moved inside. The weather has taken a toll on the tent.

We have had some long talks about why he couldn't tell me anything. He saids that he didn't want to get me upset. It was easy talking to OW.

Our biggest problem now is learning to be around each other again. R thinks he shouldn't have to check in all the time especially when he is at the house. I think he should give me a call during the day and say I'm doing this & that. Yesterday for example. I called R to see how son was doing this morning. No one answered at home. I called cell. R was out looking for a carseat for his truck. I asked why he didnt call to let me know he was going off. He said he didn't think about it. I was getting angry so I told him I would talk to him later. 2 hours later I call the house to see what he was doing. Again no answer at home. I call cell no answer. I left a message. About a hour later I call cell again, still no answer. BOY I WAS GETTING UPSET, especially since R just moved in this weekend.

I left work early go home and R still not there. I call cell it goes straight to voicemail. Either on phone or phone off. I call again and again. Finally R calls he asked about son. I said I just put him to bed where are you? HE says he's working, I asked why he hasn't called me. He says phone dead. I said nobody you are with has a phone. He says yes but I didn't think about using their's. I am upset. He says he will be finished in about 10 minutes. I say okay I;ll see you in 20 minutes. 2 hours later I call him at the friends house, he says he is still working its taking longer than he thought.

2 hours later he comes homes. Yes he does look like he was working and he did have money to show he had been working. I ask why he didn't call me to say he was leaving early this morning. He says he didn't think about it and what is the big deal.

Okay now this bothers me to the point I can't talk to him or think clearly until I calm down. I know we haven't been living in the same house for a long time and it will be hard to at first. I guess I got paranoid yesterday.

I am not really sure where this is going but this is what is on my mind.

wE have decided to put our best foot forward especially to our son. He has admitted he was wrong and everthing is his fault. He would take it all back if he could. I am just feeling like I need to be in control but I don't know what I need to be in control of.

I know this post is not making sense to me, I hope yall can get something out of it.
J

p.s. we have had a some good times since R has been home. We've been to friends houses and out to dinner as a couple.

Great! The Tent finnaly caved in(so much for the happy Camper) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> , I had a felling this would happen. Yes I did understand
most of your post. It seems that your having a hard time getting use to each other, I know what you mean about things changeing, and if your gone for some time they change a lot (Kids etc.)ive hade to deal with my 14 year old he is very resentfull about the A (dont wish it on anyone).

The thing about checking up on him via phone yes my W does this and I dont mind it reminds me that shes thinking of me (keeps me focused). This is part of the MB sugestions to keep in touch as frequent as possible. This stage is very hard, but a lot of patience will help, just take it in stride and if you go to far than pull back and say "Im sorry you fell this way I just had to tell you how much I Love You" these word are sweet and kind.

Best Wishes for a quick Recovery, and keep your eyes open for any swagering( H loosing his focus)this is very difucult for the H, it has been for me.

If you can keep us posted this is better than General Hospital(but this is the real world).

Best Wishes,

FCalunga

WS(37)
BS(38)
M17
3 kids
In the Recovery Room over and out

I got such a bang out of the tent story, I forgot the rest of the story. Has WH sent a NC letter to OW? That is absolutely necessary.

He saids that he didn't want to get me upset.

Conflict avoidance (I think) is a HUGE part of why some people become WS and others do not.

Pep,
My C tells me that my need to avoid conflict at all cost is probably the reason I ended up with OP.
I thought I communicated just fine, I do, unless I'm afraid of a negative response, then I avoid, and say nothing.
Had I been able to communicate without being afraid of conflict, I would not be here.
It all goes back to our childhood, blah blah blah. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Originally posted by kyellow4:

My C tells me that my need to avoid conflict at all cost is probably the reason I ended up with OP.

Well... at least this sets some pretty CLEAR goals for you, doesn't it?

Learn how to deal with the anxiety of conflict... cool <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Pep

FCalunga
Yes I am having a hard time getting use to each other but I do think this is going to work. WE have had a great week together. Things have gotten a little hot because I continue to call him when I can't in touch with him. I know I need to work on that but when I can't get in touch I just TOTALLY FREAK OUT!!!!! I'll keep your words in my mind when I FREAK OUT.

My boss at work says we need to change the name over the door to 'THE DAYS OF OUR LIVES' because I am not the only one in the office going through this very same thing. Except she is the OW. EA between co-workers.

believer
No WH hasn't sent NC letter to OW. I know I need to ask for it but I'm scared he will not want to and I'm scared he will not write what I think should be in the letter.

Pep
I know WH is a big conflict avoider.

Recovery is so hard but I do believe it will be worth all the effort in a few years. I know by then we will have gotten past the little things that both each of us. Thanks for letting me vent.
J

You need to ask him to write NC letter. Mine refused, and said it was pointless, so I knew where he stood. It was pointless - he still was contacting OW.

The letter should be short and simple:

OW- I love my wife and have decided to work on making our marriage better than ever. Please do not contact me for any reason.