AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whew…that feels better.

I don’t think there’s hope. As some of you know, WW takes care of the kids at our home while I work; until she moves into her own house in a couple weeks. After all….I couldn’t expect her to rent an apartment could I?

So I walk in from work……thinking Plan A Plan A….offer her a frozen Oh Henry ice cream bar for dessert as they’ve already finished supper. (I worked until7:00) She refuses and then goes into her rant about seeing the lawyer and the separation agreement. And how the lawyer says she should get more money and Blah Blah Blah Blah Yadda Yadda Yadda Yadda Yadda……..

So I remind her that I don’t even have to give her half the equity until the divorce is final and we could go that route as well. “Is that a threat!” she asks and then talks about speeding the whole thing along.

Anyways……do I need advice here……no, not really. I just need to write this crap down and ask………..does the creature formerly known as “my wife” ever recover from this? Do they come back? It appears the men have a tougher time letting go, b/c my WW has never seemed to waffle at all once she made up her mind to leave. Is it normal to wonder if one even wants to invite that chaos back into ones life? I think I’m looking forward to plan B……I get weary from the crap I get from this creature.

Oh yeah, one more question. What country does one go to avoid extradition?

Kidding.

Binder, you can come to Texas! We are armed to the teeth down here so they could never bring ya back! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Sorry you have to put up with all that breathtakingly selfish fogtalk! Amazing that she is griping about the money she is getting when she really deserves nothing. gag me!

I sense that you are going to have to start squeezing her pretty soon here, though, in order to wake her up. She has had it exceptionally easy up until now. Maybe Plan B is in order in the near future?

Any new developments from the OMW?

Plan B once she moves out around the 18th. I think I can keep biting my tongue until then.

OMW is a tad naive. I've expounded on the level of involvement of the two, but she's hesitant to believe it. I even went so far as to E-mail her a digitized recording of OM extolling his love for WW that I stole from her voice mail. Excuse me.......I'm vomiting.

I've told her the marriage counselor will be completely useless as long as they are together. I don't want to shock her too bad to throw the louse out because I know who he'll be spending his nights with.

I've encouraged her to come to this site and sent her links to particularly useful posts, but have not got a reply. I want to help her/me, but she doesn't want to bite it seems

Binder-I have yelled like that plenty.

My Wh moved out 2/26/04 and like your WW has
not seemed to waffle. I don't get it. Do
they keep all those feelings to themselves or
can the fog be so thick that 2 months of plan A
has not even made a dent?

To me it seems your WW is attacking you. Maybe she is just trying to keep a fight going so she can feel better about moving out. Keep your plan A strong till you are ready to switch to B.
Good luck

Binder - once again I see similarities between your wife and my XW. Mine hardly waffled at all. Very head strong - once her mind was made up, there was no turning back, because that would require some humblemess.

I suggest you plan on her staying her course and position yourself most favorably for financial settlements - all the while making sure you clearly communicate to all involved, including the lawyers, that you do not want divorce and you believe your family and marriage can remain intact and improve despite your wife's infidelity.

In any legal document, make the above point clear. This will get it on the record.

I'm not familiar with the legal processes in your province, but in the U.S. the spouse filing for divorce usually has to cite the reasons. My spouse tried the "voluntary" agreement reason - "oh well, we just grew apart". Well, I went along with it, but had my attorney formally respond to the "complaint" that it was far from voluntary - it was due to our inability to reconcile because of her continued infidelity with OM, combined with her struggle with the loss of our son. His and her names are thus spelled out as adulterers on the public record. OM clearly is described as a predator on a grieving mother and family.

Why is this important?

Because it set me up for a personal recovery without guilt - knowing I did all I could plus establishing the truth. I have a clear conscience and they each have a label, OM's being especially flattering. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

This worked for me, it won't necessarily work for anyone else. Take it for what it's worth.

Where I'm at the divorce laws, as I understand them, indicate a requirement to prove marital breakdown. One can cite mental (difficult) or physical cruelty, adulterey or one year separation to obtin a divorce. The cruelty and adultery thing allows one to forgoe the year separation, but my wife cannot file for divorce on the grounds of her own adultery. She maintains she's not an adulterer anyways. Our laws indicate that sex (retch) dring the separation even qualifies as such. As it is, she'll have to wait the year.

I am taking a fairly defensive position regarding the finances, she could take a whole lot more if she listened to her lawyer, but if she goes that route, I will not give up 1/2 the equity of our house I'll hunker down and save my money. Is that helping her along? Maybe. Though I probably will come out financially healthier given her resolve in this matter.

She's not going after my pension, it's a good one and allows me to draw upon it at the ripe old age of 48. I'd like to try a new job then if I can afford to leave this one. She's entitled to half....if she chooses. So far she isn't doing that.

I will be entering into a separation agreement with her. I included your suggested paragraph WAT, indicating my willingness to pursue a reconcilliation. I have no mechanism to include the adulterous relationship in the document. I could pursue a divorce on those grounds, but would have to prove it. Essentially she would have to sign an affidavit indicating such, not likely and I don't want a divorce. The divorce agreement will mirror the separation agreement, so once it's in place, she just has to do the paperwork after the year is up.

So here I sit. A spectator to my life crumbling. I do think of your situation at time WAT. Losing a child. I cannot imagine the grief that must bring on. A parent's worst nightmare. My situation appears pretty rosy from that perspective, you have my condolences.

If i see any weekness in WW resolve, it was not telling our son we're getting a divorce. She said we are separating "for a while". Possibly just wanted to soften the blow, or maybe she wants to see where her new relationship will go. I don't know anymore....like I said Plan B will be a relief almost.

The legal aspects sound very similar. If it all plays out, you may be able to sneak in the extramarital affair language at the time of divorce as a "pleading." This doesn't require the facts to be established.

Sounds like you are doing as best you can. Keep it up.

WAT