Since D-day (12-15-03);pre-MB, My husband told me about OP from the beginning and when I gave an ultimatum - Divorce or me, he said divorce and at that point, I told immediate family about it (ILs included). At that point, WH said that he was being pushed in a corner and that we need to talk about the situation. My ILs have been a great source of strength for me in handling WH. Initially, they agreed not to approach WH at all concerning the subject until I said so.

I found MB and started PlanA - I was doing a great job, the pain began to be unbearable however and no signs of NC. We talked to Jennifer, but my WH said he wasn't ready for NC, so he didn't see the need to talk to anymore until NC. So, as of two weeks ago, I decided to start preparing for PlanB. My SIL knew the details, she was going to serve as my intermediary.

Mother's Day, everyone gets together. My husband made an insensitive move (checking out another woman's body in my presence) and I lost it i.e. looked at him disapprovingly and walked away. He followed me outside and I cried and told him that I understood where he was but did he have to be disrespectful at that moment.

He didn't apologize but said he is a man and the woman barely had any clothes on, what was he suppose to do? (That makes me feel better- aargh!) Well, I left at that point, I needed to go and see my sister to take care of some business.

I found out later that after I left, my ILs wanted to get my husband to open up so that they can help him get through this situation. He refused and they LB him for me and some of the things I shared with them came out. (There goes my PlanA efforts).

WH is not totally through with our marriage but he just wishes that I would have never told his family our business. Now I realize I shouldn't have gotten so comfortable with sharing by pain with them.

I feel that I should hold off on PlanB right now and work planA a little longer. Any advice is helpful right now. Thanks J

All they did was complete the exposure that should have come out in the beginning.

Let this pass and get back into Plan A. There has never been a Plan A without LBs. Just think of this situation as the necessary exposure LBs.

Plan A is not about never making your WS mad. WS's are mad at the world and you're trying to do the impossible if you do that.

Exposure is, like WAT said, almost guaranteed to make 'em mad. That's all right -- it's just a little cloud cover burning off.

Continue your Plan A -- have you finished exposing? Are you respectfully telling your WH how much this is hurting you, and asking him to end the affair? -- while you prepare for Plan B. Don't delay Plan B just because of an exposure blip. Those are expected and supposed to happen.

Have you written your Plan B letter? Do you have your intermediary set up? Do you know how you're going to handle communication, finances, living arrangements, kids (if you have them)? You don't have to have this stuff perfect. You just need to have thought about it.

<small>[ May 11, 2004, 09:26 AM: Message edited by: Just J ]</small>

JJ and WAT,
Thanks for your responses, they definitely lifted a burden for me b/c I thought I blew it big time. I'm still going through with my preparation for PlanB. In the meantime, I will continue a stellar PlanA. Thanks again.

He refused and they LB him for me
No one can love bust for you. It's something you have to do yourself.
No one can sabotage Plan A unless you let them mess you up.