Hello everyone,

Needed to write something today. We're still married. We're not legally separated but we are "separated". Still hate that status even when I see it written but have gotten past the revulsion to a particular degree.

I sank into depression last Friday and am just now starting to hover around sea level. Thankfully, however, my daughter continues to be SO happy...an optimist that reminds me of what I used to be...which makes ME happy.

Mother's Day turned out to be special which was a surprise. Brunch with my family followed by lunch with one of my goddaughters and her family followed by supper/coffee with my IL's.

Saturday morning, H showed up to mow the lawn unexpectedly while we were getting ready to leave for dance class. Sunday, he left a message re:Happy Mother's Day and thanks for being a great mother...left a hanging plant in the backyard. UGH...

H went to my mother's on Monday with a plant in tow...since he couldn't reach her on Sunday.

My H...wonderful guy. Doesn't forget anyone on special occasions.

My mother said something like...better be prepared for him to pursue the divorce. I think he feels sorry for you...she says. If only she knew that he asked me to document a few things since he doesn't type well...or should we wait until we do the upgrades to the house?

That's it for now.

not sure what to say, only that you are capable of more than you ever dreamed and your tenacity and resolve is admirable and a great encouragment. prayers to you.

Terri,
Happy belated Mother's Day and Anniversary. I'm glad you had a good Mother's Day.

I don't understand your mother. Why warn you to be prepared for the divorce? It's a good thing you didn't begin holding your breath when you got the initial papers...last fall. I now think of myself as strong, but know I don't have the stamina you do. I would have (did) go for the divorce myself after 2 years, just to have the thing resolved and all child support & visitation settled. I know that isn't where your heart is, but it would never occur to me to warn you to be prepared. You are prepared, and have been for a long time.

He feels sorry for you? The wonderful, loving, consistant, constant mother of the child he has not had overnight for 3 years? The woman who has enough fortitude and resolve who would still stick by him and work toward reconciliation after all his bad behavior, affair & abandonment?

If it makes you feel any better, I SOOOO pity your H for being the man/father/husband he is. He's not even any good at being a wayward spouse and making the OW a real part of his life and/or getting a divorce.

And, if I was your mother, that is what I would have said to him.
And, if I was you, I might have even said it to your mother.

I'm probably not being helpful to you, but I am incensed that your H & mother are so callous toward you.

One last, not-so-angry thing, I've been taking St. John's Wort, and I believe it has helped me not to sink into depression and to handle my situation with a pretty good coping ability. When I took it a few years ago, I didn't notice any difference, but I do this time.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Terri}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Hello again,

Thank-you RR and Lor.

RR, I'm glad that you find my resolve encouraging. It's an inner belief I have that I can't seem to shake. Call it instinct? Or perhaps I'm just plain stubborn...I guess it depends on who you speak to...

Honestly, it's MB that's carried me most of this way.

Hi Lor, Thank-you for finding the time to reply. I hope you and your family are well. I think of you often.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">a good thing you didn't begin holding your breath when you got the initial papers...last fall </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Actually, I received my one and only letter last May so it has been a year. Your comment made me laugh anyway...I really thank-you for the spirit with which you write and try to extend to me.

My MIL has been surprisingly supportive helping me to avoid him these last few days. Mondays, H usually picks up D and bring her home. MIL expressed to H that I would meet her at the Mall so no worrries about dropoff...Tuesdays, H normally picks D up at MIL's...again, I went. So all in all...I think I have some fierce allies.

MIL even bought me beautiful RED roses for Mother's Day.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He's not even any good at being a wayward spouse and making the OW a real part of his life and/or getting a divorce </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Great way to look at it...why do you think he hasn't pursued? I mean...he can't be unsure after all this time? He must just be a coward.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm probably not being helpful to you, but I am incensed that your H & mother are so callous toward you. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are being very helpful. My mother thinks I'm going to fall apart and is trying to toughen me up. My H...well, he's just plain self-centres.

Take care

Terri - I always read your posts and used to reply alot - and believe me I am no expert - but I think we just about started this stuff at the same time... I have now been divorced for a 1 1/2 yr.. -- Have I moved on with my life - well not in the romance department - and do I want to - not right now.. But I have given up on the relationship - and have accepted after 15 years of marriage - that it was over because he wanted it to be over not me... You have to let go - You have to move on with your life - You are not doing yourself any favors hanging on - or waiting for him to do something - because well obviously he isn't going to. It isn't about the other person or even your husband anymore - It is about what you deserve... You are young - you deserve to be happy - Are you seeing a therapist??? I am just wondering - what if he came back tomorrow - would you take him back after all of this time? - What are you hanging on for?

Hello Maw, Thank-you for your reply.

Simply said, yes, I believe I would agree to reconcile after all this time.

I am hanging on to what I believe to be true in my heart...for now. And since he has done nothing to advance the divorce process, I have to believe it's because it's too difficult for him to let go although he may excuse it with other reasons.

Thank you again.

Terri - Then by all means I wish you luck.. I just hope that you still are not saying the same thing when you are 60 years old... You are worth so much more.... Good Luck...

Simply said, yes, I believe I would agree to reconcile after all this time.

Good GRIEF WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then would you please bust a move in that direction!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

you never ever ever know till you try...

ARK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maw, Hope I'm not saying the same thing when I'm 45 let alone 60 but guess what...some people say, I'm going to hope till I die...keep your fingers crossed my wishes comes true sooner!

Ark, Okay, Okay...my posts wouldn't be complete unless I heard from you...but my MB name says it all.

Freeze from fear so that I don't know how to try anymore...

But I am better.

Thank-you for your replies.

Terri - I am with Ark - You never know until you try.. What have you got to loose ??? I mean you really deserve to know one way or the other - and you know what if he says NO - then maybe if you said ok well then fine I am moving on - He would say - Hey wait a minute what the heck am I doing??? You have to have action to have a reaction.... Go for it....