I have just read my W-peaceandlove thread.
This is a wonderful website. I know it's good
because pal found it first. I have questions
and comments both.
What I've read has already helped me.
This process will take time.
But-we're worth it.
more later-rdl
I suddenly have more friends
than I could have ever imagined...

Dear Husband of Peace and Love.

I think it is so remarkable the love you have for your wife, the way you forgave her, knowing she truly is sorry and loves you with all her heart.

Sometimes passion and excitement carry our mates away for awhile but "Praise God" when the fog lifts and their hearts return HOME to stay!

I wish all betrayed spouses could have a mate with a forgiving heart like yours!

I know you still HURT deeply but the truth has now been told, all the truth, no more lies and no more secrets.
I admire Peace and Love tremendously!

Now you can make your marriage better than ever!
Sincerely, Julie

<small>[ May 11, 2004, 09:40 PM: Message edited by: Blessed TIME ]</small>

hello, Julie.
i only know what i feel in my heart and see in her eyes......LOVE !
i am not the only victim here. she is too. the difference is i am a victim by her actions, she is her own victim.
this will take time to get thru. i will need help with this one! i usually can sort out things and work out a solution in most situations. this is unlike anything i have ever faced! again i will need help on this! i have been on a rollercoaster of emotions the last few days and am still adjusting to the reality of the A. i am hopeful for the future for sometimes hope is all we have in tough times. i hope i can get beyond the image i have in my mind of the two of them together. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

rdl,

I am so sorry that you are here, but think you are in the right place. You will receive much support in this place and I am very glad to see you!

rdl,
Welcome, I am sorry that you are in this situation but you have found a place that can be of extreme help.

Your wife has agonized over telling you the truth and many MB'ers tried very hard to help her see that it was the only way to try to recover your marriage.

We have been there on one side or the other of infidelity and really do understand what you are going through. It is horrible now, but the recovery can begin now that the weight has been lifted from her and you know what you are dealing with.

Please come here with questions, or just to vent, we care.

rdl -

This will be a very hard time for you. Your self-esteem will be in the toilet. But I know for sure that your wife does love you.

Please stick with us and we will help you through this. It will be hard, but you can have a better marriage than ever.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by renewingdeeplove:
<strong>
I suddenly have more friends
than I could have ever imagined... </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes you do, we have been rooting for you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Actually, you are only in the intense, excruciating unbearable pain part. The hard part comes later. A little gallows humor, perhaps, but true for us. The hard part is addressing the issues in ourselves and in our marriage that need to be addressed to get to a great marriage the things we anesthetised for years with denial, work, and affairs.

Oh, yeah, click on the link in my signature line.

<small>[ May 12, 2004, 01:12 AM: Message edited by: johnh39 ]</small>

hello,everyone & thank you!
i am new at this online & chat stuff and i type like a two fingered man. i will do my best to stay in touch.
today was rough. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> emotions & feelings very tender & easily upset. much of my life is now in question my world is upsidedown. it is difficult to see very far in front of me. i know where i am most comfortable.....at home! i was on effexor after EA was discovered in 9/03 & went off it just over a month ago. i would like to stay off it but will have to see. no man is such a rock that he can go thru this alone. i am no different. i wish with all my heart i could have done something to stop it from happening! but i was afraid of driving her away from me faster than she was already going. so much regret. so much heartache. i understand how A came to be and she was not herself & she never meant to hurt me, but it still pains me. we both need time & and patience & love.....lots of love! i have much more to say but enough for now. thank you all & God bless.

Most of us have been through the same awful pain and depression. Hang in there and keep posting and reading. It really helps.

thanks to all for helping
my H-renewingdeeplove-
it is hard for both of us-
esp: him. keep encouraging.

<small>[ May 13, 2004, 07:49 AM: Message edited by: peaceandlove ]</small>

RDL,

Welcome to MB. It is always sad to see someone new here because you know the situation which brought them here, but at the same time it is joyous because there is such a wealth of support, encouragement, sympathy, and experience here. Also some no-holds-barred blunt truth when you need it.

So many of us have been in your shoes. Take it day by day, hour by hour, or minute by minute if that is all you can handle at present.

Post your questions and confusions here. You will be surprised how many people have been through the same thing.

It is comforting, somehow, to know that others have gone before you and that they have survived and flourished. It *will* get better.

Johnh39 was right - there is hard work ahead - the hard work of introspection and changing your behavior. You will reap the benefits of that hard work tenfold if you buckle down and approach it sincerely. There is time for that later.

For now, just get through the days, turn to your W for comfort and support, let her know when you are hurt, angry, frightened. Get through the shock, and then it will be time to start working. This is a long, slow process. There is NOTHING quick about it, so if you can relax and take it slowly it will be easie than if you try to hurry toward everything being fixed.

Again, welcome.

hi to all,
after reading all your messages i realized something. i'm expecting things to be better too soon than is realistic. turtlehead says this is a long slow process and not to rush it. this is so new and scarey for me, it is a blessing to have help from you that have been there and may still be there. my life seems to be on hold. i can go to work but don't want to be there! i come home where i feel safe and don't function as normal. my eating habits are affected and my sleep is not how it should be. i have no doubt this is normal. my thoughts are of course about the A and i experience sudden rushes of images in my head that really throw me for a loop. very obvious this will be a long slow process but worth the effort because i can't imagine being without her! she means everything to me! i've been the happiest man alive for over 26 years and i mean that sincerely! so i know my goal. i just have to figure out how to get me there! i faced a life altering event 30 years ago and lost my dad. this is a life altering event and i haven't lost anyone. so i tell myself as bad as this seems it could be worse! i need to get my self-esteem out of the toilet and let it heal. this has called into question much about myself and how i function as a husband and lover. she has been very encouraging and supportive of me and this is more help than i can tell you! she is a very special woman indeed! i am long winded at times as you all see. i have all of this in my head you see. more later and thanks for reaching out to us.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by renewingdeeplove:

...i need to get my self-esteem out of the toilet and let it heal. this has called into question much about myself and how i function as a husband and lover.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You have more manhood on the tip of your little finger than the OM will ever have in his entire body.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">she has been very encouraging and supportive of me and this is more help than i can tell you! she is a very special woman indeed!</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes she is and she also is one lucky lady to have a husband like you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by T00MuchCoffeeMan:
<strong> [QUOTE]Originally posted by renewingdeeplove:

...i need to get my self-esteem out of the toilet and let it heal. this has called into question much about myself and how i function as a husband and lover.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You have more manhood on the tip of your little finger than the OM will ever have in his entire body.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">she has been very encouraging and supportive of me and this is more help than i can tell you! she is a very special woman indeed!</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes she is and she also is one lucky lady to have a husband like you. </strong>

<small>[ May 15, 2004, 10:23 AM: Message edited by: renewingdeeplove ]</small>

Post Preview
quote:
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Originally posted by T00MuchCoffeeMan:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by renewingdeeplove:

...i need to get my self-esteem out of the toilet and let it heal. this has called into question much about myself and how i function as a husband and lover.
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You have more manhood on the tip of your little finger than the OM will ever have in his entire body.


quote:
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she has been very encouraging and supportive of me and this is more help than i can tell you! she is a very special woman indeed!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yes she is and she also is one lucky lady to have a husband like you.

thank you to toomuchcoffeeman for dusting me off and reassuring me. i was moved by this and seeing this my wife came over and hugged me and said she has always felt i was her man. she has been able to make me see that the EA was much more powerful than the PA and went on much longer. it was of course what led to the PA. its like a run away train that can only be stopped at the end of the track and there's no where else to go. she knows how i am hurting and has said i am concentrating on the PA and minimizing the EA. it's like a man to see the physical end and lose site of the emotional end. it is of course the opposite for a woman. emotions first and body second. i am on a long road to recovery, so be patient with me, God isn't finished with me yet! thank you & God bless

[ May 15, 2004: Message edited by: renewingdeeplove ]

--------------------
BS-45 (me)
WW-43 peaceandlove
M-26+ years
D-Day #1 5-6-04
D-Day #2 5-8-04



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Yep - you are going through the normal things a BH goes through. But it will get better, and things will be good again, even better than before.

It might help you to realize that the A probably had very little to do with you. It was more a weakness in your wife. Even happily married people fall into A's without even meaning to.

Hello!

I have a great deal of respect for your W and she and I have encouraged and heled each other through the situations that have brought us both here. There is a lot going on in my life and I have been ill and unable to get to my computer and distracted by other things and I wish I could have been here for her and you more, but both of you are in my thoughts and I wish you the best, and the simple truth is, there are a lot more people here with a lot more information to help you at the point you are at now than me. I am still in limbo. I was supposed to tell my W a couple of weeks ago, and then I was brought to the emergency room and have not had the physical or mental or emotional strength to bring it out yet. I just am too weak to discuss much now, but I will because I know it is the right thing to do. I just want my energy back. W bought me a gift certificate to a local spa and I got a facial and a massage (pretty cool!) and yet I could not relax. My nightmares consumed me the whole time. I barely enjoyed it.

I am glad my pal PAL is moving on and no longer living in illusions and you are renewing the great love you two have for each other. I will be here as much as I can. Good luck!

xo

whiteknight1

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by believer:
[qb] Yep - you are going through the normal things a BH goes through. But it will get better, and things will be good again, even better than before.

It might help you to realize that the A probably had very little to do with you. It was more a weakness in your wife. Even happily married people fall into A's without even meaning to. [
/qb]</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">believer, you are right. it had very little to do with me and more to do with her weakness. she says she was in a fog and only thinking of herself. she is suffering from the aftermath of the A as much as me and it happened 6 months ago and i just found out about PA but knew about EA since 9/03. what doesn't kill you makes you stronger! thanks for the understanding words.

<small>[ May 15, 2004, 11:14 PM: Message edited by: renewingdeeplove ]</small>

hello, whitenight1
my W has told me of your struggle. i thank you for being a friend to her and encouraging her in her own struggle. i have thought about taking action against OM myself. i don't know if is worth all the trouble it might cause us. OM is back to his own miserable excuse of a marriage and maybe my knowing what i have at home with me and how much he wants what i have but can't have is somehow satisfaction enough for me. he may have had a sample of my joy and won a brief victory, but i won the war! he can do as he pleases so long as he minds his own business and never ever attempts any contact.
as difficult as it is to hear of your battle with OW & OWH, you may consider that OW is not being totally honest with her H about her part of A. just a thought and i may be off base here. i am convinced that our OM has kept his W in the dark and painted my W as the villain. this is sad.
now consider this. your greatest allie in this could be the one at your side right now. your W. pray about it and you will know the time to tell her your mind. if she loves you like i feel she does it will lift a heavy burden from you and allow the truth to come forth. this will not be easy we know, but it must occur to start down the road to recovery. also tell her of this site and the help that is here. i've been here a short time and have benefited greatly. i wish you the best and we both wait to here from you.