I'm still fairly new but for anyone that read my first one and so far only other post, things are going well. H and I are getting along better and for the first time in 2 weeks we had an intimate night together w/out talking about my A first.

Enough about this though, here's my thing. I have 2 very close friends both through where I work, even though neither work there now. One lives in same town as I do and the other lives 3 states away. Yes one is male and the other is female, both M with 2 kids. They have a "friendship" as they like to call it, just like I considered mine I guess. This has been going on for 2 years. They have both driven the 3 states to see one another and they both know that even though I have my own skeletons that I don't want to hear about their "friendship". Both have sworn to me that no PA has taken place but it's obvious that the EA is there. The female of the two has been on my case about my A since the first time I talked to her about it and she didn't know the whole story. Doesn't she see that what she is doing is completely wrong? She pointed out that I was wrong plenty of times but it's ok for her? I love her dearly and it's too late to keep her M from suffering from this should her H find out. It's only a matter of time, it always is. I know from experience that things have a way of biting you in the a$$ when you least expect it.
I want to just reach out and grab her and shake some sense into her. I was hoping the one thing she would learn through my experience is the torture it causes on a M to go through this.
I don't know that I have a specific question, just had to get it out there..
I hope they can end it soon but as soon as the male friend finishes school, he's convinced his W to move closer to the female friend... his W has had all the clues but doesn't pay attention to them from mysterious letters to hintful phone calls to finding letters in the closet between the two? She buys his stories about their "friendship".. why would he hide them if it were just a "friendship" and why hasn't she ever heard of this friend or met her? I don't get it.. I just don't get it.

Sounds like you are caught in a bit of a dilemma. Your "friends" are having an EA and it seems that it is only a matter of time before it turns physical. This is a REAL tough situation. Your "friends" trust you to keep the secret but you have a chance to expose it to their spouses and possibly head things off at the pass. I struggle with this. This question I would ask yourself is this: By knowing this info and choosing not to do anything about it, are you enabling the affair???

I am a BS and I know that my WW confided in some of her friends about her EA before it became physical. I wish that these women would have seen how destructive my W was acting toward my selfand three Ds and "tipped me off" so to speak so I could have possible address the problems. Now, the EA became a PA and the odds of us surviving this are much lower. You exposing this to your "friends" spouses doesn't resolve their issues but could possibly save a world of hurt for two families,and you should know right? Does your violation of your "friends" trust justify exposing their A?? I personally think it does but only you can answer that. The trade-off here is that you lose two friends but you may be able to save one or both Ms before things spiral out of control. Just some thoughts.

I still don't know what to do about this. I wish that there was a way of talking to at least the female friend and say "look, you see what I'm going through with my M right now because of the A? This will be you if you don't end it." She says she is happy to see a M couple like me and H work things out and trying to have a better M. I am happy for that too but it is definitely not an easy road and not one I want to EVER go down again.
I love them both dearly and it's so hard to be in this position.. I wish they had never told me anything.
I'll figure out what to do soon. I'm still not sure I believe there has been not PA. You can't convince me that 2 people that have their "friendship" are alone w/each other out of town and they don't touch... hmmm not sure about that.