Thanks for the feedback. You all are tough!

As for the money, I can only hope there is enough to buy a tank of gas and some cat litter.

firefly

Hi Firefly....I'm reading your thread, because sadly, I think that I may be in your position sometime soon. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I'm still in plan A, and WH keeps lying to me, keeps twisting my words to make it seem that I do not love him (if I did, I would "support" him in his decision to have an A. ? ) ....I admire your strength, and I hope that you are able to find peace for yourself...hopefully with your H back.

CP: too funny!

cciyer: Thanks for your kind words. I do believe things will work out for us. I am trying to be patient. I suggest you do a search for my previous threads. A lot of good people have given me very helpful advice along the way. I am one of the those who stayed in Plan A much longer than I should have. It is tough to get the courage to go to B. Some days I never thought I could. I understand what you said about WH's and their crazy ideas. My WH told me I was SELFISH because I wanted to save our marriage. No, SELFISH is having an affair. Everyday is a battle. Let me know if I can help.

firefly

I sent WH an email with an important phone message, just listed date and time, caller, and message. Didn't say anything else.

He writes back "Thank you for the message. You know this is really starting to piss me off. Again this weekend I was hoping that you might set aside your frustration and call me to see how bowling went but of course your selfishness showed thru. I love you and want to try but with consederation like that is it really worth it. I'll get my money and wont bother you anymore."

Should I write back and say something like: "As I stated in my letter, once you end your relationship with OW and agree to NC, I would be happy to hear all about your trip and begin talking about restoring our marriage."

What do you think?
firefly

Please don't respond Firefly. He already knows that he can't have contact with you until OW is out of the picture. He desperately needs to hear from you and is obviously you're on his mind constantly. I'm sure he was thinking during his bowling that you were going to call him to ask how he did. He is very dissapointed and now he's trying to manipulate you into contact. Contact for him means that he can have you both. Don't fall for it!

He's not doing well with Plan B which is good. Please stay dark.

A good thing is to stay busy. I know you don't have any money but there are things to do that don't cost anything. I'm sure he's checking up on you so stay gone. While you're focusing on your life, make him wonder if you haven't moved on. I know it's one of his fears.

It just hurts so much that he says I'm selfish. He's been saying that through this whole thing and really believes it.
* I'm selfish for wanting to work on our marriage.
* I'm selfish for finding a new job and moving us so he wouldn't have to work as hard.
* I'm selfish for not wanting him to see OW.
* I'm selfish for trying to establish boundaries so he cannot continue to break my heart.

I'm sick of him saying I'M selfish. Selfish is having an affair! That word just cuts through me like a knife.

firefly

<small>[ June 08, 2004, 09:45 AM: Message edited by: firefly73 ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by firefly73:
<strong> It just hurts so much that he says I'm selfish. He's been saying that through this whole thing and really believes it.
* I'm selfish for wanting to work on our marriage.
* I'm selfish for finding a new job and moving us so he wouldn't have to work as hard.
* I'm selfish for not wanting him to see OW.
* I'm selfish for trying to establish boundaries so he cannot continue to break my heart.

I'm sick of him saying I'M selfish. Selfish is having an affair! That word just cuts through me like a knife.

firefly </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So who and what do you say you are? Or if you were to hear a direct message from a loving Heavenly Father who weeps for your tears and broken heart and spirit - that you are caring, committed, loving and kind? Would you believe Him?

Why do we take the words and rants of a faithless, prideful, sinner personally?

REQUIRED READING FOR BETRAYED SPOUSES:

"The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz. Followed by "The Mastery of Love" by the same author.

Thank you for your thoughts and guidance.

ff

WH contacted me to say he has moved out of OW's apartment and is staying with a male friend for the weekend. Next week he'd like to talk about reconcilliation. He has closed his private bank account and removed her from his cell plan.

Of course NC with OW will be required before he can get back into the house. For our conversation, I would like each of us to put together a listing of:
* how we envision the relationship from here out
* what changes are we making in ourselves
* what improvements would we like to see in each other
* how will we meet each person's EN's
* what lovebusters can be eliminated
* plan for POJA
* plan for spending time together
* plan for NC with OW

Does this seem like too much at once? I want to be very upfront and not fall back onto our old habits. Yet, I don't want to overwhelm him. Additionally, I think having something written is more binding than just talking about it.
Any thoughts?

I don't think he'll change his mind over the weekend. However, we all know how WH's can be. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

firefly

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Counseling?