Hi Lisa

Got your e-mail - I want to be able to just hit reply but I've tried and tried and it always bounces back.

It's funny that I can send to MrsX without any problems.

MSN messaging is fun. My son showed me how it all works and warned me against talking to strangers LOL. He told me not to give any personal information. I'm wondering if it's the voice of experience talking in his case or if he just worries about his mother. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> It was so sweet of him.

Jenny

<small>[ May 12, 2004, 04:49 PM: Message edited by: KiwiJ ]</small>

Jenny, I don't suppose you are anywhere near Dunedine R U? H has conference there first week of July and I was going to tag along (to protect him from those racey NZ'ers). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

The other thing I wanted to say to you was about your H's stress/heart tests. Give him my commiseration's and tell him, been there done that - as a result of d-day - big shock after 30 yrs of marital bliss. I had to do a stress echo test on my 50th b'day. There were a few nites in the first 4 - 5 months that I thought I wouldn't live thru the night. Terrible gripping in chest and or neck. Daughter a doctor, was constantly wanting to rush me off to A & E. Test was clear too. (great shape apparently) Stress can do BAD things to the body. I was months and months recovering (my mother was dying of cancer at the same time, which didn't help). Just thought it might help him to know that what he's going thru is pretty normal for someone who's been completely devastated. Has he got anything to take for the stress?

sorry to interup
anyname

Anyname, don't worry about interrupting.

No, not Dunedin, right up the other end in Auckland. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

BTW I understood what you were saying to cwmac.

The doctor told H he is remarkably healthy but he MUST give up smoking. A bit tough to do at this stage. It would only add to his stress right now.

He is taking St John's Wort for depression/stress. He tried prescription anti d's about 6 years ago when he was made redundant after 23 years in the same job and the sexual side effects took about 2 years to go away even after he stopped taking them. (Not that I EVER want to talk about sex again on this board LOL).

The redundancy, IMHO, was the start of our marital stress but that's a whole different story.

Thanks for the kind thoughts.

Jenny

Jenny, Shame we won't catch up with you this time. We are not living in OZ at present, but we go home a lot for R & R. Not Sydney though. I keep thinking people will recognise me if I say too much about where I am etc. Don't you worry about that?

I also tried anti depressants when we moved back to OZ the last time - I so hate change. Same trouble with them as your H. Now I got my O's back and I'm not willing to go back on a/ds. (hey it's ok if BS's talks about sex <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ) I'm pretty screwed up though - I remember how calming paxil (aropax) was. I'd really love to go back to being a vegetable again. Ah, such peace. Is St John's Wort any good? My only form of anesthetic is alcohol these days.

Actually we have some great NZ chardonnay at present (got a doz just to help out your economy!) Delegat's Hawkes Bay?? It's pretty nice for where we are.

thanx for understanding about cwmac. The thing is that I grew up in a very vocal family. No holes barred. My H said his family was anal compared to ours. He thought we were all nuts at first but after a while he found us really vibrant. I am very outspoken, and I always think people can manage me - I could have said much more. That was me being tame! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I am sure I rub people up the wrong way on MB's but half the fun of being on this site for me, is taking my mind off my problem. I just love to throw ideas around and be cheaky and provocative.

Time here to have a drink? It's our 32 wedding anniversary - which is a day of mixed feelings for us both.

cheers
anyname

Anyname, I don't really worry about people knowing who I am but you gave me such a fright calling me Jen, which is what everyone calls me.

BTW, I'm not going to forgive you for saying you have a better bod than mine. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I'm on Aropax (Paxil) and it helps a lot. H finds the St Johns Wort has really helped. We both also drink NZ Chardonnay LOL

Happy anniversary, our 30th is in August and that will be a strange time. We have talked about reconfirming our vows. My 50th is next month <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Jenny

Threadjack alert! Threadjack alert! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I am so HAPPY that you two are friends!!!!!
I enjoy both your POVs so much. Just wanted to let you know. Love, KB

Thanks KB. I don't mind your threadjack in the least. Hey it's my thread and I can have whoever I like on it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Lisa'll get here soon I'm sure. The thread will probably be about 3 pages long by then. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Yes, Anyname and I are getting along aren't we. Who knew? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Jenny

(((Jenny)))

....I'm ready for the 2 x 4's...MRSX got me good last night but it was well deserved. Whatever I thought I felt before was totally killed during that last conversation...He was like a complete stranger...very detached and well it's hard to describe. I realize that I never knew him at all.

Jenny, I am such a pathetic fool!!!! I don't understand myself at all and why I have let this a**hole absolutely consume me!!!!

Jenny..In case I miss you here today I did want to tell you that I'm still trying to find the "opportunity" to download MSN. My H is really paranoid about the time I spend on the computer now, which I understand. So, I have to do this while he's gone. You can respond here until I'm able to download and we can chat.

:::::BTW, I'm not going to forgive you for saying you have a better bod than mine

Mmmm, Well it was very presumpteous of me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> But I know there are not too many 50 yo's, or 30 yo's that work out as much as I do. Reminds me of a joke: A 50 yo wife comes home from her mammogram. She's in a great mood and tells her H that the doc said she has the breasts of a 30 yo. The H sourerly replies: "yeah but did he mention your 60 yo [censored]"? Wife looks confused. "No. We didn't talk about you at all"! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

:::I'm on Aropax (Paxil) and it helps a lot. H finds the St Johns Wort has really helped. We both also drink NZ Chardonnay LOL

I know I'd recover so much faster if I could take Paxil. Recovery seems a long way away. I have the worst mood swings now. It's like the A has awakened a monster in me. Some times I think I've got multipule personality disorder.

Another thing I don't like about paxil is weight gain, also the wild dreams. But the sexual dysfunction was the worst for me.

:::Happy anniversary, our 30th is in August and that will be a strange time. We have talked about reconfirming our vows. My 50th is next month

Gee you have some big dates coming up. They are difficult ones. We had already celebrated our 30th when the A begun. We had a nite in a expensive hotel for ours, coz when we'd got married we were too poor to go anywhere. It will be a sad nite for you both I think. Maybe you should plan something that is active e.g. a party that keeps you both on the run. Don't allow too much time for sitting around and reflecting. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Lisa, that's fine. I'll wait till you download. H is paranoid about my computer time too. He thinks it is extremely strange that I want to talk to people about any of this - especially on a message board.

He has come round to the idea now though that I get a lot of help and support here.

I wasn't going to give you a 2x4. I know how hard this all this.

We got a letter in the post this morning from an old friend telling us he has split up with his wife and is now living with someone else. He lives at the other end of the country but I read the first paragraph and rang him straight away. I garbled out our story as well. I still have to tell H but I'll wait till he comes home - he'll be upset. He liked them both very much.

Sad times in the modern world.

Jenny

Jenny and others,

Please excuse this intrusion. I wanted to ask Anyname a question and this thread seemed like as good one to break into. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Anyname, you have posted here before haven't you? I read a part of a post on the recovery forum and it sounded very very familiar. I believe you and your H were going off on Holiday, as you folks call it. But, you came back with a NEW name, not just "Anyname". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Am I correct?

JL

Major thread Jack here. I am a recovering WW, and I have a great body as well, and I'm not on Paxil. That is such a line of crap. My Therapist tells me to change my internal dialogue, is that what she met?? My H hates me on the chat, he thinks I'm glorifying my A. He wants it down and gone, shoved under the carpet, he doesn't understand my desire for support. I don't know how to express to him how nice it is to help the poor BS's and how good it is to get support, because I have truly been feeling like the worst person in the world. Any words of wisdom to help me explain my case to him, come on from one great bod to the next!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

very regretful..no words of wisdom here but I totally share in your situation. My H doesn't understand MB and I guess the trust thing will always be an issue, which I totally understand. I think he believes that I'm talking only to men on MB. I've tried to explain. We very much do not "talk" about the A and my H just wants to shoved under the carpet as well. I think it's a "male" thing! I've read your posts and you seem to be doing amazingly well. Much better than I did. I have had a totally see-saw recovery for the last 10 months but I seem to being finally getting a grip on things.

I was still very confused about my feelings about OM until the last week. This guilt was eating me alive!!! I think I finally have a grasp on the true person that I was involved with. He is an absolute predator and preys upon vulnerable women. I tried to convince myself for so long that it was different with me. Well, it wasn't!
I hated the "used" feeling that I had but now realize that I'm not the problem. I will not let this relationship harden my heart nor will I beat myself up about it anymore. I was allowing his treatment of me to define myself. No longer!!!

Jenny...these are very sad times indeed! I'm sorry about your friends. I work with a man who everyone thinks has the picture perfect marriage. We have worked together for 17 years. As you know, word of my A got around our office at work and I was devastated about it. This man pretty much keeps to himself and knew nothing about the A (so he says) but could tell that I was really down back then. I opened up to him thinking that I could trust him...He made a move on me!!! Here I am totally devastated from A and thinking that he wants to be a friend and he thinks that I'm easy now or something!!!

I find it very hard to trust now but that's a good thing I guess. I've learned some very hard lessons and can truly say that I'm not naive anymore about anything. The innocence that I once knew is gone and I do regret that very much.

Very Regretful and Lisa,

Hi VR, that is a very good name. Being regretful and remorseful is the only way to recover. I'm still a bit stuck with thoughts of OM. I know he's an a**hole but I feel a bit like Lisa. I don't want to think I've been used. In fact this week I'm exhausted from all the emotional stuff. H and I have been talking a lot and it's all been very deep. Truly exhausting.

BTW, VR, the "bod" thing was a bit of a joke between me and Anyname. It certainly wasn't a joke to start with. She flamed me big time!!!

Lisa, AT LAST, I really, really, really hope that this is finally the closure you need. It's horrible that he's just a jerk but at least you know where you stand.

I think my thoughts about OM are mainly curiosity about what has happened between him and his w now it's in the open.

Jenny

<small>[ May 15, 2004, 09:32 PM: Message edited by: KiwiJ ]</small>

Wow guys, I'm shocked, and scared for me to hear you still think of the OM.
This is not fog talk, but my OM, is a great guy, his love bank was just empty, he has a great wife, soon he will realize that, and go running back to her. I'm at a very curious stage as well. I want to hear their progress. I truly want them to be okay.
Lisa & kiwi, don't you think that the A is all about using each other. I completly used this OM to fulfill needs I wasn't getting in my M. I feel he absolutely used me as well. I know it is ugly, but the A thing is just that, ugly.

Thanks you guys, my time here is done, my internet service is being turned off on Monday, I'm going to go do my last post.

VR, if you are still here. Don't be scared. There are two types of WS I think - those that can let it go very quickly and those that drag all the feelings and withdrawal and fog on and on and on and on. I am the second type unfortunately.

Yes, I suppose I used the OM as well to meet my needs at a difficult time in my marriage but I became totally and absolutely infatuated with him.

You have such a good attitude, I am sure you and your H will make it.

Jenny

Very Regretful.
We would all like to continue hearing from you.

You can use the Internet at the library for free.
(If you have time)
That way you can check your e-mail and occassionaly post here.
Love, Julie <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I love the way this thread is going. I feel like I'm at home and having friendly neighbours over. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Jenny