This past weekend I was able to get a flood of information about A. Major source was OW hubby (whom moved out due to seperation/and impending divorce)
In fact, I probably got more info then I really cared to have.
I advised WH of my knowledge. That I now knew who, where she lived, etc. I advised him I was extremely concerned because she has a long history of gold-digging. She has gone through major funds with 2 marriages that neither lasted a year and in between majorly dated married men.
And I found out she was searching for information on properties that we own prior to their apparently getting together.
Anyway . . . WH did not appear to be mad, he even said he expected me to find out. He even added she admitted she knew all about him, even though he had not told her much about himself in the early stages of his relationship. (this didn't seem to give him a red flag though?)

I basically asked him to keep his eyes open and even suggested if he cut her funds off that he was giving . . . that odds are he would find out how much she really loves him.

He has since seemed to have a wall up when he talks to me. Where once we had some open communication, he does appear to be resentful.

Have I blown it by warning him of my fears of her love of money and that I think he is being used?

One friend has told me he just needs time to absorb info and to evaluate himself.
But still this new distancing between us is like a step backwards and I hope I haven't blown it.

Ya'lls take on this would greatly be appreciated.

Do you know what disturbs me the most about this? The fact that he is GIVING HER MONEY. What in the world is that about? He is still married to you, so he is essentially giving her YOUR money. What is going on here?

P.S. WS usually do distance themselves initially when they hear inconvenient truths. But that is ok. Plan A doesn't mean you hide the truth from them or avoid uncomfortable issues.

Oh I agree Melody - our household money is OURS. But he does not see it that way. He has been selling off his gun collection. I suspect he has sold close to $2-3,000 in just past 4 months.
I don't have hard facts, but one of his friends has told me he has been frantic about selling one or two of his guns.

What I see is absolute facts that should scare him from her and break it off is not happening.

So all I can do is pray that he takes my information and tests the situation. I haven't a doubt in my mind she will show her true colors. But then I'm not sure if he didn't go to her and go, hey the wife says you're taking me for my money.

He has told me that she never asked for anything that he gave freely. I chuckled and said any woman can give the appearance of need and get a man to give her something without coming straight out and asking for it.

Still . . . do you think he is evaluating this info . . . as he certainly has pulled back from me.

I am sure he is defensive about it, but he will have to think about it now. See, it is a reminder to him that he is making terrible choices and he doesn't want to be reminded of that.

Be sure and tell him about anything else you find out. Just be sure and do it in an entirely factual, neutral manner and then change the subject. But you can't avoid tellng him this stuff.

And I would also consider contacting an attorney about protecting yourself financially if he is going to be squandering your money on this golddigger. You MUST protect yourself first.

I guess I wished I had a good grasp on how a WS reacts to being exposed and finding out the OW is using him.

If he is in such a fog, does he even see the facts. Or are they dismissed.

My only hope is that he can see through the fog somewhat and takes my suggestion that he should keep his eyes open and see that she is using him.

I'm just not so sure he accepted my information or if he dismissed it.

Are their any WS out there that have gone through a golddigger type A?

I'm bumping. I sure could use some opinions.
I've not experienced him completely pulling away from me before (Of course its only a little over 3 weeks) but still I had hope that we were working through stuff.

Any opinions?

Hey Whitefeather, what does it mean you are 'bumping'. Not quite together on all these terms?

tt,
bumping means adding a response so the thread gets "bumped" to the top of the list.

WF,
Be very careful in what and how you reveal this information to your H. He may jump to OW's defense. It might be better to ask your H questions about her, like
"How long has she been M?"
"Was she M before?"
"How long did her previous M last?"
"I wonder how she found out so much about you w/o you telling her."
"Why do you think she researched you so much?"
"What kind of info was she looking for?"

Turtlehead - oops, too late.
Have already told him what I found out. I did not make it confrontational. He wasn't mad, but he wasn't exactly tickled either.
He said he expected me to do it, so it wasn't exactly a shock.
I basically told him since he was keeping the info from me I had to find out for myself.

We spent afternoon together and I purposefully avoided the whole A talk. We spoke of stuff that needed to be done at home and with family. He even spoke in future terms, which I found interesting.

But it has been a long 4 days of his pretty much avoiding me after I did tell him everything I knew.

I find it amazing how much energy I gain from his presence. I feel calm now after this good afternoon . . . but do know there will be stretches again that he will avoid me. He is yo-yoing back and forth.