There is something I don’t understand about my H’s behavior yesterday and it bothers me somewhat.

Some background: My H was victimized and suspended from work from last year November and unfairly dismissed 4 months ago. The case is in progress and will go to higher court hopefully before the end of this year. We’re still waiting for a court date. Both the FOM and me still work at the same company where my H used to work. The FOM is working in a separate building than me and now and then we accidentally bump into each other (greeting but no talking).

Anyway, yesterday evening my H went to the shop to buy some groceries (I was busy with supper) and he stayed away for a very long period. On his return he said he bumped into a few staff members of this institution (on his way through the shop) and every time they asked him how he’s doing, what happened (with his job-matter) and how the case (with his job) is currently progressed. He said one of those people was FOM and he also gave full detail to him.

It bothers me that my H didn’t tell me more about this conversation with FOM e.g. how he felt about it and if he was okay with it; FOM’s attitude was towards him etc. These are the things I wanted to know, but I didn’t ask my H about it and he didn’t talk about it either. The thing is, every time there is the slightest accidental contact between FOM and me, I inform my H about it AND explains how I feel about it. I’m total honest and open to my H about everything and can’t understand why he can’t do the same OUT OF HIS OWN. This is so frustrating and sometimes it feels I must DRAG everything out of my H! Maybe I just make something out of nothing regarding this incident of yesterday??? Or maybe my H didn’t discuss it because it didn’t matter to him or he thinks it isn’t important???

How must I handle this? Ask him or just leave it alone?

Any opinions welcome.

Thanks,
Suzet

Depending how far are you in the recovery, you should be able to "inform" him about your feeling. If you are not far into recovery, leave it alone for now. Just take his action as is.

One thing that I saw ... you put IR on your sig. is it Intimate Relationship ?. We call it EA or PA here ... we call it like it is.

-rh-

<small>[ May 13, 2004, 03:53 AM: Message edited by: redhat ]</small>

Redhat,

IR stands for Inappropriate Relationship. The friendship with OM became inappropriate and beginning of EA during 3rd year of e-mail contact. The inappropriate friendship never developed to a full EA, so that’s why I call it a Inappropriate Relationship in stead.

<small>[ May 13, 2004, 04:02 AM: Message edited by: Suzet ]</small>

Suzet,

1/16 EA, 1/8 EA, 1/4 EA ... You could call it whatever you want, I just curious what it meant.

Does your BH think the same ? IR ? EA ?

thanks for explaining.

Yeah, my H also view my involvement as something between an EA and inappropriate friendship. Both of us think there is a BIG difference between a full-blown EA where declarations of love, future plans; intimiate details etc, was discussed and a situation where the boundaries unwittingly crossed from a platonic frienship into something more.

<small>[ May 13, 2004, 04:33 AM: Message edited by: Suzet ]</small>

I just want to make sure both of you on the same page. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Learn to communicate your feeling to him w/o LB'ng.

-rh-

Redhat, thanks for your concern! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I guess communicating without LBing is something I still struggle with sometimes. It happen because I communicate my emotions easy, often and openly with my H but it's so frustrating if my H can't do the same OUT OF HIS OWN and I must DRAG everything out of him and then sometimes I LBing out of frustration! Sometimes I get upset & frustrated if he don't discuss things with me out of his own and show interest out of his own and then I just tell myself to keep quiet, but then I bottle up all these feelings inside untill it all bubbles out!

<small>[ May 13, 2004, 04:48 AM: Message edited by: Suzet ]</small>