Just when I was starting to set up Plan B, WH wants to talk about how we would work on our marriage if he decided to come back. (Original post and background under PlanA/PLanB "Timing of Plan B). In short, WS has moved to an aparment to think about what direction he should take--me or OW. He is still in A, and having a hard time "giving up what he has now," because he is unsure if marriage will work. He is tired of being indecisive and believes that it's not fair to me and kids to "fence sit."

This will be a good time to introduce MB, although I'm sure he initially will think it's another internet "gimmick." I've mention NC and letter, but he insists that it is his responsibility to end A and will do it his way (if he decides to come back). So in terms of MB, we not off to a good start, although I think he will really be into the ENs questionnaire.

I have every intention of going into Plan B if he doesn't end affair. I was intent on starting Plan B in 4 weeks (due to kids/work schedule). My problem is this--WH wants to start communicating about how we feel and where we should go (before he ends A). I feel that I will not be completely honest (and it always shows) by not mentioning my intentions of Plan B, since it will have a big impact on how often he sees kids. As of now, WH sees them every weekday am to take them to school so that I can get to work early. This can't happen in Plan B. And if I even mention change in schedule of kids, he will take this as a threat.

I feel like I am walking a fine line right now. Chance to open communication and talk about future (although how can we if OW still in picture) and keeping option open for "safety" of Plan B.

FE,

If you are not in Plan B, you are in Plan A, right?

And in Plan A you should be learning to avoid LBs, fulfill ENs, spend time with your H, and learn to POJA.

If you can handle this interaction without LBing, I think you should do it. It is a good opportunity to do all the Plan A things if you are strong enough for it.

I don't know that you have to mention Plan B to him, because you're right, he *would* take it as a threat. You could (and should) tell him that you are doing your best to be a better wife and a better person, and that you are hopeful for a change in the near future because your strength is diminishing.

This could be a good opportunity to let him know your expectations for rebuilding, and to learn his. Can you do this without LBing? Do you have the strength to stand up to whatever he might say?

I have every intention of going into Plan B if he doesn't end affair.
This is why one goes to Plan B.

I was intent on starting Plan B in 4 weeks (due to kids/work schedule). My problem is this--WH wants to start communicating about how we feel and where we should go (before he ends A). I feel that I will not be completely honest (and it always shows) by not mentioning my intentions of Plan B,
ABSOLUTELY you should NOT mention Plan B to him for few reasons.
1 – He will see it as an ultimatum/threat. It is not nor should it be used as one.
2 – If you tell him you are going to do it in x weeks and change your mind, you will undermine your credibility. Part of Marriage Builders is saying what you mean and meaning what you say.

since it will have a big impact on how often he sees kids. As of now, WH sees them every weekday am to take them to school so that I can get to work early. This can't happen in Plan B.
Why not?

And if I even mention change in schedule of kids, he will take this as a threat.
Which is why you do not mention it to him.

The logistics of Plan B get worked out BEFORE you start it. You need to find someone to watch the kids when you have to get to work or ha vena emergency. Also, you will need someone as an intermediary so you do not have to interact with your h.
This way when you start Plan B and your h gets pissed off (he will) and tells you he will not pick up the kids early, you say, “okay. You can pick them up at Mary’s house in the morning” or whatever.

Have you read “Surviving An Affair” by Dr Willard Harley?
Many people find this site and think it’s “just internet stuff”. This will prove that it’s not an “internet gimmick”. (Although, remember, you are not to “educate” your spouse on this stuff. Simply tell him know you are learning about relationships.)

Also, have you considered counseling with Steve or Jennifer Harley? (see below)
It’s not something which requires both people to participate in. It’s a good place to start to SAVE your marriage (although it works to make it better also.)

While Plan B is very pleasant, once you get the hang of it, I would post here for awhile, just to get your strength up. It is not easy at first, but then gets much easier.

We will help you through this. Lean on us.

To answer some of your questions:

TH: Yes, I am in Plan A and doing a fairly good job. Not much LBing (maybe a few sarcastic remarks here and there, but not many), seeing my H nearly everyday, and even at the point where we hug/kiss when we meet/leave.

WH and I are going out to talk about "actions/plans" that each have in mind for rebuilding our marriage. WH just said today that he needs to know that things will be different before he makes any commitment to come back. I asked if he had some ideas to share. He said he has a whole "list." I smiled (really) and asked if these were changes that he would be making. Response (a light-hearted smile): "hmm. The list is things for you to do--I already know what I have to do." I said (playfully pushing him a bit)"How could you know that--I haven't even told you."

I'm mentally preparing to receive his "list" without LBing and responding with my own "laundry" list." I also suspect that this will be a good time to bring up the EN questionnaire!

I anticipate that this "outing" will go quite well, we'll both feel good about things, and then OW will fly in on her broom.

Chris: I'm re-reading and re-reading SAA and will make a counseling appointment with SH once I see where we stand after our little outing.

Thanks for all the support.