Lately I have been thinking about all of this stuff that has been happening my my life....of course I consider it all to be a catastrophe, but with other things going on in the world right now it just seems so minor. I think about all of the things that are happening with our armed forces and the men and women that have been lost for us and it seems like nothing to have my son lose his father to a HW.

Other times it really feels like the world is crumbling down on me, as if I just can't take anymore of the pain. After careful consideration and things that have happened in the last week, WH coming and saying he is sorry he is so messed up and our SF that we ooops had two weeks ago, I have been considering writing a letter. This letter would be sent to OW, WH, and OW very respectable church going parents. After yesterday when my son looked at his father and said I want a new daddy and made WH cry, I decided that maybe OW and her family do not know the pain they have caused or how he is bouncing back and forth. Although it will not change the past or the future, because what is done is done, and what is going to happen will happen, I just feel the need for them to all know the pain that me and my two children live with every single day over their selfishness. I am a point in this whole A where I don't think I really care anymore. I am a better person now, and I know my children will grow and be wonderful because of me and my raising them correctly. I would however like for those who have hurt us to know just how devastating it really is to a child and to a family. It is as though his father has died. He was here every day, he dressed him every morning, he came home from work and checked in on him while he slept and now he is just gone. When he does come around he isn't much of a father, more of a figure moving around in his father's body. I don't know if this is the right thing to do, or the wrong thing to do. I just feel like I need to do it no matter what happens, I feel they need to know how my daughter has suffered anxiety attacks and can't sleep, and how she cries. How she watches me cry uncontrollably from the pain, and how my son wipes the tears from my eyes at 3.

Any opinions on this letter I would like to write? I just feel invisible to them all, like we don't exsist and we aren't people. Me and my children are people and we have been so hurt by all of this our voices need to be heard.

Let me know how you feel on this.

HINY

HINY -

I know how you LOVE to write those letters to WH, but again I will give you my same old opinion: I believe they fall on deaf ears - er, rather, blind eyes. I do not believe your WH is capable of reading your letters and understanding them in the spirit in which they are written.

That said, after you write it, send it to me and I'll read it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

You crazy New Yorker!

SS

SS

You are right. I will just sit here and look pretty, and wipe the tears from my kids eyes as I have been doing for 6 months now. I just get that antsy feeling every now and then. Like I should be doing something about this awful situation I am in.

HINY

Hi {{HINY}},

I agree in that the people that you want and need to hear how painful your life has become and for your children are not the same people that this would have much,if any effect.I felt the same way which is why I contacted the HW three times by cellphone since this all started.However,it only fueled her desire to keep on destroying my marriage and family.Being a person that could commit such an act with a married man,knowingly and selfishly,is not someone who deserves my breath anymore.It made no difference.

For you,what do expect will happen? That they may finally see the error of their ways and stop what they are doing or condoning on the spot? No.It will not happen and I'm sure you don't really expect it to.

The people that really care and love you and protect you are the ones that will truly understand your grief,also like us here,who are going through the same ordeal.This is where you will be heard! Vent here and then wait for the antsy feelings to pass.They do for me as long as I wait and be still in my heart and mind.I turn it over to God who takes it away.

We have been wronged in the most painful way.Our WS's will never completely understand the pain & betrayal until it has happened to them as well.But,do what YOU feel is best.If you must tell them again what is going on then do so.I hope you will find some relief if you so choose.


O

Plan B nuff said.

I agree and disagree,,, I agree it MAY fall onto deaf ears ,,,,,,,,,,, BUT if your resaon for writing it is for YOURSELF then I would do it ..

NOt to think it will suddenly change everything , but for you to get it off your chest once and for all to ALL the parties , then I say YES you should .

Some times its at the stranest moment that he really let go of the situation ,, this may be your one last thing you need to do for a type of closure for yourself .

MINE was having to here him say it out loud ,, I wouldn't stop till he said it "I LOVE OW" then I did a complete 360 ,,, and boom ,,, that got him really thinking ,,, 4 months later he was home .

I did not do it for that resoan it was just what I needed ,,, every one is different .

So the letter may be yours ,, or confronting both of them together ..

I also asked OW and H for that ,, to meet me and let him tell me face to face he loved her ..

She agreed he did not witch mad her SSSSSSSSOOOOOOO mad ..

Instead they did it over the phone ,, and she was listening , so that was ok .

BUT he knew the risk , and I was happy go lucky from that point on.

So get the closer.if you need that

I wouldn't send a letter makes you look weaker in your Plan B, and put's your H back in control of the situation. He know's you are pineing for him now he can stay on the fence. I'd stay in Plan B HINY JMHO.

Hi everyone...how are you today HINY..interesting developments today at lawyers office...was ready to file for Legal Separation but WS contacted his lawyer and stated he realizes OW is a leach and wants more time..my lawyer stated whatever I am doing is working...I think the fog may be slowly lifting but who knows..I think putting the screws to him is a starter...so here is what she suggested...give WS until the end of June to get rid of OW....draw up a marital agreement...this is not a Legal Separation...my lawyer has one herself and she is married ...much like a pre nup but post nup..then what's yours is yours and his is his...that way if he tries anything if we get back together he walks and I stil have financial security...also his lawyer writes a legally no contact letter to OW stating if she contacts him in any way in to court she goes...she is going to talk to his lawyer about this...then we will see if he is serious of just pulling my chain again...either way I am prepared...what do you all think about this?

<small>[ May 13, 2004, 01:16 PM: Message edited by: New Outlook ]</small>

I hear all of you and understand all of your different opinions. And I would be writing it for me and mostly my children who have been so patient and invisible to others. They have no way of being heard, and they are people too. I just don't understand how the OW could have gone through this herself and then turned and did it to someone else. It just kills me, all of this pain is killing me inside, and it is killing my kids. My DS just wants his daddy to come home, and my DD is so confused about men. She is at such an impressionable age. I won't write the letter more than likely. And I have been doing find by myself. Not saying that it is easy raising two kids in a huge farm house, with three acres of lawn to mow and everything is set up for a man to do even the mowing. WH bought a pull behind 60" mower that goes on the 4 wheeler, which kills my back to use after two surgeries. Everything needed to be stained again so I did that. Today I carried 4 air conditioners from the upstairs of the garage and into the house. The whole time I was saying to myself I hate her I hate her, it gave me strength I tell ya. Now I have to get the 8 ft ladder and climb up and remove the cover from DD air conditioner with a pry bar.

This is why I feel like we are invisible. Because we truly are.

HINY

Hopeful,

Gosh,you sound much like me.I too have to do EVERYTHING nowadays including what you mentioned,mowing.We have 7 acres,most of which is mowed too so there I am,on MY John Deere tractor riding around but you know what,I love it.I like surveying my property and I am so glad that WH isn't slithering around.I am getting so mean lately.Hmmm.

My mom and I are going to install the air conditioners into each of the girls rooms too.I have to paint and and haul debris away and get the car inspected,oil changed,tires rotated,and caulk the bathroom tiles.ugh.I have been tired lately and it figures that of all the hundreds of things I do around the home like usual,WH picks out the one or two things I didn't do and makes it sound as if I had all the spare time in the world to do it.LAME! He sounds so proud of himself that he announces what I failed to accomplish on that particular day.I SO want him to be away permanently.

So,I asked him again to please get that paperwork finished or if he is too busy then bring them home and I will do it.I really do not want to be with this man anymore.Let the homewrecking trash pick up the tab for him the rest of his life.I found out she flew down on her broomstick to see WH in New York last month,maybe close to you!GROSS.I would rather be alone than with his lying cheating ways.I just feel dead inside to him.

Anyway,tomorrow is another day.Maybe I can cheer myself up.

O

Your plight is unbearable to read - I'm so sad for you. Please think about your health a bit more. You have two wonderful, sensitive children. Can't you try to forget about H and concentrate on your children? If you dispair too much, you could get very sick. Pls try to buck up for your kids. I hate what your H has done to you and the OW. My dad used to say to me "you can't build happiness on the misery of others". I think some people do. But, you must try to be stronger. Take lots of walks in the sunshine and eat properly and start taking care of yourself. You are a beautiful person. Love yourself and count of the days until this starts to get easier.

Biggest hugs from across the oceans. You are not invisible.

anyname

O

I hate to see someone else having to work as hard as I do every day. I took Wed. off and did nothing but dishes and laundry, and of course the kids. I know what you mean, I am really done trying. I am going back to Plan B. No more calls, no more letters, no more talking. I am leaving the plan B letter here for him on Sat. when he comes to get DS, well actually I am leaving DS and letter with my mother once again. I was doing so well until he started coming around saying all those things to me. This time Plan B is for me to empty my feelings of him because I am truly starting to feel hatred for him where there used to be love.

Anyname

Thanks for caring. I am going to try to pick myself up and dust myself off and get moving forward again. I let him suck me in and spit me out once again. Not again ever. I have a wedding and a shower to help plan so I am going to go full bore into that for now. I am the maid of honor. I am going to have a good cry today and just get it all out of my system one last time and move on. I can't believe that I let this man hurt me this bad. I should have just filed for D a long time ago, moved out of this big house and just went forward with my life. I don't know what I was thinking sitting here letting all this pain surround me and my kids and take over my life. I am dusting off right now as we speak and heading straight into an outstanding Plan B for me and the kids.

HINY

Dear Hopeful.
I am glad that you got some 'help' from the "Six reasons for NO CONTACT" that I posted for 'wanting him back'.

I have been following your thread and was actually thinking that it might help you also.

It seems sometimes that 'less is more' when it comes to our WH's....They don't like those long long long e-mails...it probably doesn't soak in at all, not a bit of it.

But maybe just one sentence would.

I wrote this to my H and put in lunchbox just today:
"Just wanted to tell you as days come and go,
I love you more Sweetheart than you'll ever know."

I kinda wish YOU wouldn't apply for a divorce.
How about letting him be the one, if it has to happen?

Just try and be as happy as you can...I use to WAIT to cry, like plan a time, because every half hour I was crying for months and decided that I needed to stop.

I waited until my evening bathtime and would cry then...Somehow it helped throughout the day, knowing I could cry LATER...it does help your spirits not to be constantly crying!

And now weeks go by with no tears!
TIME truly is the greatest HEALER of all!

Love,Julie

Julie,

Thanks. It really did help me to read that. My WH actually responded to my cell phone message last night. It wasn't all that I wanted to hear but it was better than nothing. I left him a message and said first you want to work on our M, then you don't. You are giving some very confusing messages to me and I can't take much more emotionally. I am exhausted, I have all these things coming up I am having surgery on the 27th and I have a hearing on the 23rd and this is the last thing I need right now. If you want to work on our marriage than you have to come and talk to me about it and we need to get you some counseling and we need to get some counseling. I said I love you and I want my M. So when I got up there was a message on my cell voice mail and it said, Hi I just wanted to let you know that I got your message and it didn't go unheard. I will not be there in the morning as you probably can see, but I did hear you and I did listen to everything you said. I don't want any sore feelings between us and I will see you on Sat. and he was crying as he left it and very depressed. Plan B is my only way out of this mess at this time. I am going to give him the Plan B letter on Sat. and go on with my life. I was at one time doing wonderful without him. As my hearing approaches I am getting a little nervous about losing my house and so on. I will try not to worry about those thing so much anymore. What will be, will be. I am losing my marbles these days. I was to the point of no crying once not that long ago. I would love to be there again and I will be soon. I am giving it to GOD again and letting him work on it. Thanks for your support. {{{{HUGS}}}}}

HINY