I have been married for over 7 years now. My dh and I have 2 children and the oldest is 3. Four years ago (before I had kids) I had an affair with my dh's best friend. Dh was away on a 3 month vacation and I was left home working. My dh has been addicted to pornography for 5 of the 7 years of our marriage (still is). I felt very abandoned and unappreciated while he was gone and...very lonely. The affair I had with his best friend lasted one night and then we came clean to the pastors of our church. I told my husband right away and he came straight home. He forgave me, forgave his best friend and we worked through the emotional ups and downs. HOWEVER, he insisted that his best friend stay in the picture. I think he feels that having him around the both of us is constant evidence that I can't cheat again since he is so intimately acquainted with both of us. To make matters worse, his best friend married my best friend one year later. It has now been 4 years since the affair. The four of us are still very good friends and hang out together nearly every weekend (all 4 of us). Recently, my husband's best friend began showing signs that he was uncomfortable around me, as though feelings for me had resurfaced. I honestly hadn't been feeling the same way until he made it clear (to all of us). Now when I see him, I am drawn to him again. I'm not sure if it's really anything other than paranoia of falling again and hurting my husband again. As a side note, my dh is still very addicted to pornography and still very aloof from meeting my emotional needs. His best friend is still very warm, appreciative and admiring of me (the things I feel I most need). Is there any resolution to this problem other than "cutting it off?" We have all four worked so hard to maintain our friendships and stay on the "up and up." Dh's best friend and I NEVER are alone together. In reality I think it would break my heart to lose the two best friends I have in the world (besides my dh). Please help me. This is really eating me up inside.
Ksnatie

Welcome to marriage builders. I think you found this site just in time. The reasons that you strayed before are still there, and you are still in constant contact with OM. This is a recipe for disaster.

You must talk to your H about it. Read hear for awhile, and you will see what makes a great marriage. You can come here to vent and will get lots of support and advice.

You and you husband have some serious work to do. It sounds like you worked really hard to keep your friendships together. Time to put that same effort (and more) into your marriage.

The link in my sig line will help get you familliar with MB. Welcome.

dewt

Thank you for your replies, but should I break everything off, or is this not something anyone can advise me on?
Ksnatie

but should I break everything off, or is this not something anyone can advise me on?

Ofcourse people can advise you on this..the question is will you listen and are you willing to the hard work that is involved...

because the bigger picture is not just ending it..
the bigger picture is addressing the underlying root causes of your first affair...
and affair proofing your marriage...
and making it a safe haven where needs are met by both.....

so should you end it with the other couple...

10000000000000000000% absolutely.....

why you ask...WHY?

well because...

1. You and the OM are not really friends....because friends don't deceive others and still call and consider themselves friends to the one they are deceiving....it is the re-writing of definitions just to meet the needs of selves that creates loose boundaries..and mixed messages....

what you two did was wrong regardless of the reasons behind it...and it has forever tainted the honorable aspects of a friend relationship...

by your own admsission your husbands continual friendship to the OM ...may closer match the mantra...keep your friends close...but your enemies closer....

AND the biggest flag is that the not addressing of the real root reasons you state for your affair...(which I assume you know is no excuse for the affair...)..the porn issues and unemetional connection with your husband...are still there...and therefor you will find yourself vulnerable for an affair over and over over again....

AND now that feelings, energy, and thoughts have resurfaced about the OM....you are already now less focused and concerned with fixing things in your marriage...since you can begin to escape via musings about the OM...and you certainly have the opportunity to get your fill over and over from him each weekend..

so you get to dream, think, about seeing him all week...and then you get to live it each weekend...

Recently, my husband's best friend began showing signs that he was uncomfortable around me, as though feelings for me had resurfaced.

I am not clear what this means....what makes you jump to the thought that feelings for you have resurfaced....

also the porn addiction...what does your husband say about that....
how does he see or define his behavior...


and did you two have real marriage counselling to fix the marriage and issues from your first affair...

ARK