Dear MBer Friends,

I know that I have been away from here for a little while. I have had a lot of things going on in the last few months and really haven't had the chance to get over here. Know that I think of the people that are here often.

I just thought that I would update you as to what has been going on with me. In January I moved back to the east coast because of my military obligations. This move forced me to move on completing the divorce and child custody so I sent a settlement offer to her before I left. We didn't get any response from her at all. So, I left my children with my parents so that they could complete the school year before moving down with me. My STBXW filed contempt and child custody motions once I left the state. In doing this I had to come back to Indy two different times just to go to court. She agreed that the children should stay with my parents and finish the school year and in return she got my visitation and a reduction in her child support. Things went really well with this arrangement. The court appointed guardian advocate looked into the situation to see witch of us would be the best parent for the children to stay with. Unfortunately this hurt me in court. The guardian found in favor of my STBXW because I am in the military and my family resides in the same city that she does. I know what you are thinking. Yes, the guardian called her a liar and a manipulator, but since I wear the countries uniform I couldn't provide a good home. She said that character wise I would have kept the children if I were not in the military and was still back home. This completely destroyed me. I had to settle with her just because my state takes the word of a person that doesn't know me from any one else. I have never felt so helpless in my life. I didn't care about the money or anything else. I just wanted the family that the children and I had created over the last three years.

This just shows that even though you are right it doesn't mean that you will win in anything. This also makes me think that the court system doesn't really have the children's best interest in mind. They just have the same stereotypical view that the rest of the world has. No matter what the situation is the mother is the first person that they say gets the kids. So, here I am standing up for what is right and protecting my children from the lessons that they will learn from the relationship that their mother has with this man. Where is the justice of this? I don't know. I don't even know if I ever will. I really only hit the big points with this.

Thanks,
Indy

<small>[ May 15, 2004, 09:05 AM: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]</small>

I think it is too early to tell who "won". Children around will put a huge strain on your wife's relationship with OM.

You are an honorable man, serving your country, and trying to do right by your family. I truly believe that you reap what you sow. Please keep us posted about what happens next. I think there will be some surprises.

Hi Indy,

Take it easy. You are not alone facing those stup!d guardian ... I called them to stup!d to open their own practice or pass the state lisencing board.

I got accepted in MFT program for this fall and you bet; I am going to seek possiblities to work my licensing requirement in the court house !.

You've done your best, this is out of your hand.

-rh-

Believer and Redhat,

Thanks for the responses. I am not really thinking about who won. I am just frustrated that the courts would award behavior of my STBXW. I just hope and pray that this will not affect my children in a negative way. I am to far away to really have any face time with the exception of phone calls. I just hope that it is going to be enough.

Indy

Double post.

<small>[ June 07, 2004, 12:43 PM: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]</small>

MBer Friends,

I just found out the the D has just become final. I really don't feel any different. I don't know if that is normal or not. I expected to feel something.

Indy

Dear Indy,

{{{{hugz}}}} I am sorry. When it finally hits it hurts but I understand you not feeling much right now for all you have been through.

When you can, share some of what you have been through. You are a good dad and your children will not forget that.

I am also proud of the progress you have made. How you are handling all this now, is amazing. You have been through very rough times yet you have managed to keep yourself together.

It wasn't that long ago that Z & I were discussing how best to help you. Now you are an 'oldie', just like me. LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Except: I have more gray hair and a few more wrinkles...... don't worry, you will get your share when you reach my age. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hugz,
L.

My MB Friends,

Again, I have to blow the dust off of my MB account. I have been very busy over the last few months preparing for my deployment later this month so it hasn't left me with much time.

The kids are doing well for the most part with the changes that have come since my last post. My son has started to make a change towards his mother's lifestyle. He is doing and saying things that would never happen if he were living with me and it is frustrating that I am not there to watch over them. I hate to say it but it seems like he is adopting the OM as his father figure. Granted he is in his life on a daily basis. Do I feel like I am being pushed out? Not really, I just sometimes think that I am no longer needed. Has anyone else in this kids of situation felt like this?

Indy

<small>[ March 02, 2005, 07:47 PM: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Has anyone else in this kids of situation felt like this? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes. My DD has a new stepmom, she lives with them every other 4 months. They want me out of the picture so it can be just the three of them.

That won't happen but the four months she is with them is a very lonely time for me. Hard to keep the negative thoughts at bay sometimes.

I realize since I atleast have her half the year I have more than you, but I most definately understand about the not needing part. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Don't be a such a stranger here Indy, especially in the dark hours. It helps to connect to others.

Weaver,

That feeling gets under your skin doesn't it? I have gotten use to the fact that I don't have the kids with me but it is hard to explain to my youngest that my job keeps me away. She knows that I am in the military, but I have to answer the question of when she is going to see me everytime that I talk to her on the phone. That makes me feel a bit better.

As far as being a stranger. I really try and get on this site but I have been in the field on training exercises over the last few months.

Indy

Growing up in the USAF my dad was away on TDY alot and for two years in Nam (helicopter search & rescue pilot). Really didn't see him alot but we used those little tape recorders alot back and forth.

It was a favorite night of my siblings and I to get a tape of his and listen to it and then take turns talking back into it for him.

Although I saw him practically never, he was my hero. When he died years after he retired, he was my best friend.

I'm sure your kids feel the same way.

Hey Indy,

Glad you posted. Got your e-mail. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Remember that despite the WS' actions, let that not hurt who you are. U R a good person, good father and when given the opportunity have what it takes t/b a great H. Of course we know you are a great guy and well, some of us even know how cute you look, even in your uniform. LOL!!!

Listen bud, be safe out there ok? All that training stuff is for a purpose and well, this MB sister of yours will always be worried so take care and keep in touch. ok? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Aloha,
L.

Orchid,

I am not allowing her actions to change me. It is just that I see some changes in the kids and I am not suprised. It is a different environment that they are being raised in. It is just that it isn't easy to accept without hurting because of it.

Indy