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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 1
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 1 |
I'm new here so bear with me.
5 weeks ago I discovered my wife's 2nd affair in 5 years, both times with the same guy ( ex-coworker ).
I understand why they happened ( not meeting her EN )and after the first time we worked on meeting those needs and things got better. We talked about moving but couldn't swing it. Then the economy got bad and we started to have problems and drifted apart. She started A again about 8 months ago and it ended about 3 months ago. NC for 4 weeks.
We are now working together to save this marriage, both seeing IC, planning a retreat in August, a lot of communication, and in a week we leave to look for a new place 5 hours away.
So everything sounds great... but...
I know a lot of what she is doing for me is forced, she's been real attentive/affectionate and telling me she loves me ( which I asked for )but in previous coversations she told me that she doesn't usually feel this way and is making an effort ( she does love me but not in the same way she did when we first got married )
She told me she loves me and wants to work on our marriage but its mostly for my sake and my daughters.
Sex is good ( but I read in her journal that she's thinking of him )
She's sorry for hurting me but she's not sorry for having the affair because it made her feel good about herself ( she also said she should have looked for a different way to achieve this )
She tells me its going to take time to rebuild those loving feelings - I guess my question is can they be rebuilt? Is the way she feels now the way she will always feel? Is she in a fog ( she denies it ).
I would appreciate any advice or encouragement.
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
Member
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Member
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
Welcome to marriagebuilders. I see a lot of hope here. She is still in the fog, but seems like she is trying. Do you think she will post here? We have a lot of WS's trying to do the right thing.
For most women an A is because their emotional needs are not being met. Do the EN questionnaire here with her. Try to meet her needs. Also you should start in Plan A. Read all about it here.
Yes marriages can be rebuilt and be better than before. It happens all of the time here. Good luck and keep posting.
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Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 25
Member
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Member
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 25 |
She is back with you, great! Looks like a Go situation to me. Moving away to uphold no contact with OM is a very good start! EN ? find out what they are and try your best to meet them.
The best of luck! Keep posting, reading and learning.
r
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