its been a long time since i`ve been here ,my wife suffers from depression she has many mood swings and often lashes out at me ,she has a low sex drive and sometimes she dosen` teven wanted to be married and other times i am the best in the whole world,plase any help would be sincerley appreciated

Is she getting any medical help for her depression? It is hard to live with someone who is depressed, because they are usually irritable, and nothing makes them happy.

My WH also suffered from depression to the extent that I firmly believe that the depression caused the A. He was looking for something to make him feel better and it has the adverse effect in that it made his depression worse to the extent that he became suicidal. There is a very good website called www.depressionfallout.com which also has a forum and it is most informative on how to live with and deal with someone suffering from depression.

I am one that has always thought depression was a cop out, that people just have to "think" their way into feeling better. And I have always thought that drugs seems to be prescribed at the drop of a hat, and shouldn't be.

But alas, I cannot out logic what is happening to me and find I must eat my words and accept the fact that a person cannot "think" their way into feeling better.

I am the BW and I have succumbed to counseling and to a prescription.
The counseling has helped with coping skills. The prescription has immediately given me a full nights sleep and I haven't had a crying jaunt since taking the pill.
Those two things have given me some relief.

Do I think my WH is depressed? Yes, moreso . . .and he has had cycles of it for many years. This time though I wasn't enough to get him through it.

I HIGHLY recommend seeing counseling AND seeing your doc to be evaluated for depression.

WH has been trying to treat his lack of sleep with sleeping pills and he is on his second type and been through many dosages. Nothing works. I'm trying to get him to accept the possibility that an anti-depressant might help. He is tired enough I think he will consider.

IF you can get your spouse into a doctor for just a check up, you can on the side ask the doctor to evaluate for depression. They'll make it part of the exam without the spouse really having to ask for help (which is sometimes hard to get them to do)

My WW has tried to get me to take something for depression for years and my best friend is an MD and he has tried sveral times to put me on something. I wouldn't even consider it. I don't like to take meds and I always thought that not being happy all the time was normal. Shortly after WW's move out day I talked to my Dr. friend and told him I am ready to get serious about treating my depression. He started me on Effexor and it helped but he knew of some that were taking it that started having seizures. He switched me to Welbutrin XL. So far so good. I would probably be a basket case now without it. I am curious to see what I will be like once life returns to "normal", when this other crap is over however it comes out. I never wanted to take meds for depression but I figure I'm on it for life now. Also taking doxepin to sleep. Sometimes it works, sometimes not.

Welbutrin XL is also prescribed to stop smoking. Side affect for the ladies according to my MD is that it supresses appetite and increases libido, ya'll lose weight and feel amourous.

The simptoms you have described I know very well, I was envolved with OW and she had all this it distroyed our A. It not only destryed her but me as well. Please try visiting a MD, this is very similar to a mental condition called Bi-Polar, and can be treated. I will share this address for you to research. If you can convince her to seek help you will make it. If not the pain will circum both of you and cause great pain.

http://www.truehope.com/banners/add.htm?OVRAW=bipolar&OVKEY=bipolar&OVMTC=standard

Best of luck my Friend.

Fcalunga

OS(37)
WS(38)
M17
DD 12/7/03
3 kids
In Recovery

Hi hurting&scared,

I don't know your W's past medical history but a thorough physical and blood work may help to identify/diagnose any underlying medical problems that may be contributing to her depression.

Has your W been properly diagnosed with depression by a doctor or is this an educated guess? Is she taking any medication now?


O

hurting&scared,
Your wife sounds identical to me. Sometimes I think I have two totally different personalities. When the second personality takes over, I want to end my 32 yo marriage. I just can't see the point in trying to find a place for the horrible thing that my H did. (old guy takes the young asian female option for sex, because he's rich and that makes it available) How can I be anything but depressed when I've always deplored men like that? Even worse, I thought I had a GREAT marriage. I hate it that I have to take pills to make me happy when the real reason for my depression is that my H could not behave like a decent human being. But the depression is crippling. I've been dealing wth the mood swings, anger, dispair etc for 18 months. I really think what your wife's depression is a result of what you did. It's a situational depression. Dunno what the cure is.

WAs interested in the person who took Welbutrin XL - any one had negative sex probs from taking that particular a/d?

I was taking Prozac for years, and quit just before discovering the A. My reason-- negative effect on libido, and I thought it was affecting my M!! HaHa... After Dday, I sunk further and further into depression and could not respond to recovery appropriately. Two years later, I went to Dr. for Wellbutrin. I'm finding it very effective without the negative libido issue. Sexually, I'm nore motivated than FWH now.
--DT

your story is awful. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I also went two yrs on paxil a few yrs back. would never take it again. with the Wellbutrin, do you find your anger is ok? I read a post from a woman taking it, and it sounded like she's gone really off. Says she is having anger outbursts and now hates her dogs now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I'm suffering anger outbursts at my dog with two legs, my FWH!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Cannot afford to take anything that will kill my sex drive or cause my temper to be any worse. Can you believe I think I'm forcing myself to stay in the anger stage of grief, so I don't have to go into depression. I'm very afraid of depression.

thanx for your response

an

There has been some anecdotal evidence to taking St. John's Wort as an aid to depression. I think it has some of the same sexual side effects as A/D's though, but maybe worth a try...

I have been taking Lexapro and it stables my mood swings and the sexual side effects I can live with...not TOO bad.

Are we hijacking Hurting's thread? On the Wellbutrin XL, I had a couple of adjustment weeks where I was jittery and anxious---like very intense PMS. But I'm feeling much more rational now. Still sad sometimes, but functioning better and not obsessing so much. An ager response could be the other end of a bi-polar condition. I'm no doctor, and I'm sure there are many different responses based on your own unique body chemistry. My two cents... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> --DT