Hello all, it has been a long time since I have posted anything. I have a question that is all at the same time tearing me up and kinda funny. I’m just wondering, for the BS’s out there, how many different excuses have you been given for why your WS has left? I have been given about a dozen or so DIFFERENT reasons for why she left. Everything from me being emotionally abusive and controlling to use have some financial difficulties to the latest reason of her thinking I had some kind of emotional internet affair. For those people in my life who really know me, all of these are completely ridiculous excuses.

Just a brief history of my situation, my WW had the stereotypical A with the neighbor. He is a slightly older divorced guy who has custody of his 8 yo daughter. This thing developed almost by the script, they became acquainted as neighbors, then friends at neighborhood get togethers, my wife started offering to help him watch his daughter on some days (as she was a stay at home mom), so on and so on. Suffice to say I became suspicious when I had to start dragging her home at 4 in the morning from his house, then getting met with anger and rage from her… it is all so “20/20” looking back, all the signs were there. Anyway, when given the opportunity to end the A and repair our family (plan A…done marginally well) she chose to move out. When given the opportunity to come home (plan B letter) she tried to take the kids away from me with a bogus order for protection. When still given the opportunity to fix things (I did another sort of plan B type letter when she actually got her own apartment) she decided to file for divorce a week and a half before Christmas. I did a marginally well plan B, but it all seems rather pointless now. Basically she is having this A right out in the open in front of the world… she lives at his house when she doesn’t have the kids and brings the kids around him when she does have the kids. We are all still in the same neighborhood and nobody seems to care what she has done… they are all still friends with her and the OM…like nothing ever happened. With the exception that they seem to shun me…!!! Currently we are in the middle of a bitter, bitter divorce and custody battle, I can’t wait till it is over. I don’t think I would ever take her back, I found out that this wasn’t the first time she has cheated on me. Yet I terribly miss us being a family, I hope this gets better soon.

Anyhow, back to the question… I know from plan A that I am not to believe anything of what she says, and for the most part I don’t. But she keeps telling me that she has never hated someone as much as she hates me, that she has never met someone who was so emotionally damaging to her as I am… so on and so on. The common theme here is that the reason she left was: A) not because of the OM and B) was never her fault, it was all because of me. I’m just wondering how many others have gotten this treatment? How many others have gotten this litany of reasons why the WS has done what they did, all the reasons different…and yet all your fault? Give me you thoughts here, I can’t help but laugh sometimes at the outrageous-ness of the excuses she comes up with for why she left, I’m just wondering if others have had this happen to them. Thanks.

well, not sure i have the words to say, i had just replied to your post on my thread w/the for women poem and now kind of feel silly about telling you not to give up on your wife. anyway, i'm sure you are in counseling but since i don't know for sure, are you? the best reason i can say why your W is saying and doing what she is, is that she is trying to feel better about herself and is trying to compartmentalize everything. you know that the WS for the most part follow a textbook and i'm sure a counselor or other here will say that the WS frequently bring up things from the past to try and justify their behavior.

still wish you strength and prayers.

Hey, don't feel silly. I try not to give up...but then she'll do something that just shakes me to the core and make me wonder why the hell I would ever want this woman back. I spent some time counseling with the Harleys when this first broke, but after she filed for divorce, it all became about doing the right thing for my kids. I simply can't let her have custody... her priorities are so out of whack and I think she is certifiably nuts!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Anyhow, I wasn't trying to sing the blues here...actually I intended it to be sort of a humerous posting... I think it is kind of funny how she grasps at straws to make this all my fault and not at all hers (a trait she has picked up from her mother...they are carbon copies in this respect). She still denies that she actually is having an A!!!! Nevermind that she is still married and is living with (and sleeping with) another guy!!!!!

Anyway, thank you for the kind words.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Want My Wife Back???:
<strong> We are all still in the same neighborhood and nobody seems to care what she has done… they are all still friends with her and the OM…like nothing ever happened. With the exception that they seem to shun me…!!! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Its amazing isn't it? Our society today is very much made up of people who think if it feels good, then do it. Damm the consequences. Forget the vows you took. Never mind hurting others.

It's sick really.

Yeah it is... makes me a little angry sometimes. These people...my nieghbors... will look at me and say hello as if it were the first time they have ever talked to me, like I was a stranger, like it was me that cheated and left her and the kids. I just can't figure out what people are thinking... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

My ww told me i was just like her father who was abusive. They told her in IC that she was projecting things onto me that had nothing to do with me in trying to deal with issues from her childhood.

On the not sure if it's funny or sad front, WW took OM to the lawyer when she filed for D, gave him a key when she got her own place, but according to her it was never about him and she still won't even admit that he was her boyfriend. IT WASN'T LIKE THAT WHY CAN'T YOU JUST GET THAT THROUGH YOUR HEAD? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Excuses?
Well, WH has said he stopped loving me several years ago.
That one hurt until I got a grasp of this being his way of justifying what he did.

He has said my H has died and that I don't know the man standing in front of me.
And much of this is true, as my H wouldn't lie or deceive me. So sadly I can see what he means by this. And again it his way of seperating himself from the bad him and the good him. He doesn't like himself.

But he has never placed blame on me.

Knock on wood, I haven't heard some of the really bizarre statements many have heard. But then who knows what he'll say tomorrow.