I am attempting Plan A. However, if I ever try and show my WW any form of affection, (from holding hands to 'spooning') the reaction I receive is one of total indifference. It is as if I am not even in the room, there literally is no acknowledgment that she is/was being touched, that I'm in the same room with her, etc.

I brought this up in therapy last week and her 'reason' is that "sometimes I just don't want to be touched".

The therapist's solution? I now must "ask" her each and every time I want to touch her.

Do I feel like a third grader? You betcha!
Does this make me feel degraded? You betcha!

I'll wait to bring it up in therapy this Thursday, anyone have any good insight as to how I can discuss this without sounding like a whiner, love busting, H?

Thanks

not familiar w/your story but maybe bringing it up in a session separate from the MC session? or is the session you will be having IC? they have recently put some restrictions on editing that at times make things difficult and maybe in the future being more specific in your title might get more people to read your post and reply to you. in the past you could go back and edit this no problem. but anyway that's just a suggestion.

i'm sure others will reply but i will say that you do need to keep following your words and actions and sometimes being selective of when you say "i love you" or when to hold hands makes a difference. good luck and prayers to you.

Are you 100% sure the A has ended?? Often the WS doesn't want to be touched because it makes them feel unfaithful to OP!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Do I feel like a third grader? You betcha!
Does this make me feel degraded? You betcha!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">John, you can change the way you choose to feel about this. Your wife is a sovereign individual with her own personal space. She has a right to ask you not to invade it, but she has to understand how that affects you.

However, I wouldn't stop showing physical affection just because the MC says you have to ask. Ask your wife directly if this is how she wants it. If it is...comply cheerfully. BUT DON'T STOP ASKING!

It could be that this is a manifestation of anger towards you. Maybe she wants to do this to punish you. Don't let her think it's working!

Now, you could make it very clear to your wife that you enjoy receiving physical affection and would very much appreciate her holding your hand or giving you hugs.

She has to learn that you're changing and it will take her a while to let you in again.

Low

Thank you for your responses. I like the touch her mind...

She has been in an affair since 1996, which I suspected and recently verified. Not sure if she is still in contact with him or not, but, she says not, therefore, I must believe what she says.

Please, keep up the idea's....

An A since '96!?!? Wow, you must really love her.