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Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 1,276
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Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 1,276 |
The OM's W called me Friday. She returned a gift that FWW gave to OM that caused our situation to "flare up." Long story short, I mentioned to her about OM's other A's. (Which he has yet to come clean on.) She has asked about them, but he says they never happened or whatever. I have information that might shed light on them, but told her I couldn't tell her as I can't prove them. If the information, (basically conversations between OM & FWW), I have is presented along with her timelines, she could probably figure it out for herself. My questions are these: Am I obligated to tell her? Should I tell her? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 8,016
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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 8,016 |
Am I obligated to tell her?
No, you are not "obligated" to her in any way.
Should I tell her?
Absolutely you should. However, you should tell her that you heard them second hand (or whatever) and that you don't have proof.
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060
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I suggest you tell her while explaining the context in which you came upon the information, i.e. don't present unsubstantiated information as fact - present it as hearsay. Let her decide what to believe and what to act on.
If there were rumors about your wife's behavior, you would want to know, right?
WAT
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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If it's hearsay... AKA gossip... tell her that is the quality of any information you have and ask if she wants it anyway...
Pep
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
PS...
OW told my (then) WH he was her 9th A.
I never told OWH...
OWH seemed to be aware my H was not numero uno...
Pep
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Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 1,276
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Chris, WAT, Pep:
Thanks so much. What you said pretty much corresponded to what I wanted to do. I will definitely explain where the various pieces of information I give her came from. The one thing I intend to do is not give her any names (she should be able to figure that out for herself). 90% of what I have is what the OM admitted to in conversation with my W. Some of the rest, I went to the OM's last OW to talk to her, and her current lover (oh what a soap opera).
I have already come up with an outline of what I want to tell her (though I don't want to read it or give her the printout). Plus, I don't want to tell her on the phone. Again, thanks, it's good to get confirmation, plus it has helped me explain the situation to my W. (She is now agreeable to it.) I mean, ultimately, it would be nice if the OM and the OMW can reconcile and recover completely.
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