I am calling empty every 5 minutes.
I am hurting inside like never before.
I am loosing everything.
I know I have lost my family.
God, what do I do.
I can't stop crying.
I want to walk away from everything.
I want everyone to forget i exist.
Someone please help me.

Hi Lucidity.
I clicked on your ID name and then on the right hand side to 'view recent posts.

I came up with your first post from Dec. of '03.
I hope it is alright with you that I copy and paste it here.

It explains your situation a little, but dear, you are going to have to tell us more for us to understand what is going on in your life now.
In May of 2004???
Sincerely, Julie
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lucidity
Member
Member # 15359

posted December 10, 2003 10:45 AM
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I am obviously very cautious of everyone on here.
I feel as though this could get very nasty at some point, so I will just start talking about myself and where my life is going.

I wrote a letter to OM about a month ago.
I told him that he could no longer come over to see OC, I felt he was spending way to much time at my home and that me and the kids were really stressed out about it.

I told him that I was tired of all the calls to my work and my cell phone and that he needed to understand that I am never going to be with him.
That this letter was not up for discussion and that he needed to think very hard about how he was going to react to the letter.

I told him that I did let everyone know about the letter and the possability of what his reaction would be and I would take whatever steps needed to protect myself and my children including calling the law and getting a protective order for my children.

His biggest threat for all these years has been H2Y. He has always threatened him with violence if I made any kind of a move.

His reaction to the letter was typical at first.

It has been so quite and very peacfull for about a month and a half now.
He has not contacted OC and OC is thriving.
Myslef and the Day care provider have noticed a very positive change in my sons attitiude.
He has been a much happier and loving child.
We don't discuss OM at all.

My life has been hell for the last four years.
It has taken me everyting to just survive all that has happened to me. It is sad to realize that I have been a willing participant in it all.

I am not making excuses for my behavior and I am not asking for acceptance from anyone.
I will never prove my worth to anyone again but GOD.

I may have lost everything and everyone I love.
I have however found myself, my worth and my dignity.
That FAITH1, ORCHID, CHRIS and H2Y is my "BUILDING BLOCK"

What's going on?
Neither of you have posted for awhile.

Empty is moving on.
GOd, I don't blame in one bit.
After all I have put him through.
I don't know how to get past this.
I could not be there for him intamatly.
I felt everything but that.
Everytime I would come to Houston I would reject him.
It wasnt him it was me.
I was afraid. Afraid of everything he would be thinking. Afraid it would be different for him.
I just could not do it.
I know he is gone now and i don't know where to go from here.

It seems as if it took him finding someone else to make you realize how much you loved and appreciated him.

Are you SURE it is too late for the two of you?

Julie

You know the old saying "Never want a drink of water til the well runs dry; never miss a real good thing, til He says good-bye."

lucidity:

It HAS been a while since we've heard from either of you. Keep posting. Tell us what you're thinking/feeling. Are you in counseling?

Despair is such an awful state of mind, and so unnecessary, really. How can we help?

-ol' 2long