I am sitting here tonight overwhelmed with sadness. I just found out more hurtful information about my husbands affair. No he didn't tell me, he doesn't tell me anything. I find everything out on my own. Today I found a piece of paper with things he had written a long time ago on it and an envelope that he wrote "I love you" to her on (postmarked after the affair was supposedly over). Things that once again show me that he has been lying to me, things that hurt. I wasn't looking for anything today. I found it because of my dog, how doesn't really matter.

I am almost numb. I'm sad but numb. Being dishonest with me was easier for him, for me it caused a dozen or more "DDay's". I get to feel the pain of just finding out over and over again. I also don't know what to believe (if anything)that he has told me about his affair, how he feels about her or how he feels about me. Lying to me comes so easy for him. If he would have been honest with me when we got back together I wouldn't have to go through it over and over again, and the words "I love you" and "I wan't to be with only you" would be a lot more believable.

Before we got back together he promised honesty, he hasn't delivered on that promise, not one tiny bit. My life is awful!

Stand bye <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> , their will be help soon, im not the expert on this kind of situation. I can only tell you as a OS that I to had these fellings and its a part of withdrawel. Please give more inf. on the past (????). Its not as easy for all H to be open about the OW, although Honesty is a EN. We confirm this but when it comes to reality it all depends on how thw W respond to the openess of the OS. How you react will determine how Honest he will be the next time you talk.


OS(37)
WS(38)
M17
DD 12/7/03
3 kids
In Recovery

The only time I can remember him telling me something about it that I didn't already know, I told him it hurt but thanked him for being honest with me. When I find things out on my own it's worse. This time I really didn't say much of anything, I just showed him one of the notes. He said "I'm sorry" and that was it. We haven't talked about it and I'm sure we won't. At this point there's not much I can do about it. Everything just gets balled up in the pit of my stomach. Just another stress inducer! I have lots of them, what's one more? Another wrinkle, another gray hair, another emotional ride that will eat at me from the inside out. Story of my recent life!

well we talked about it. He got defensive and told me I was wrong, that I misread the meaning of what he wrote. So here we are, back where we were before he left. 5 months into reconciliation and nothing has changed. This is what part of the note said: "moving there garage. You get referrel ($200.00) Before I move in need to make sure it's okay but moving in with you "

I'll explain, he was supposedly moving into an apartment in the next complex from her. That's what he told me (we were already discussing getting back together) apparently he rented that apartment but planned to live with her. I don't know if he did or not but I know that was the plan. He is trying to tell me that the note meant that he needed to make sure it was okay with her that he move into the other building, he completely ignored that "but moving in with YOU" part. He treats me like I'm stupid, like I can't believe my own eyes, like I am wrong about everything even when the proof is staring both of us in the face.

so here we are, back to where we were. He once said "maybe this is all there is" and now that's how I feel. He is so convincing, so adamant, so defensive. I wouldn't be at all surprised if he was still in contact with her, he swears he hasn't spoken to her in a very long time but he swears to a lot of things and I often find out they weren't true. I feel like all I have done is beat a dead horse. I wanted a better marriage. I wanted I man I know and hopefully could trust. I don't know him, all I know is what he chooses to tell me and it's often not true. I can't do this alone though it seems like I have no choice. He doesn't try to understand. He just exists here with me with no real intimacy. I don't mean physical intimacy, we have that. We don't have emotional intimacy that comes with opening yourself up to your spouse. So I guess "this is all there is".

I don't like this new timed editing thing. That was supposed to say "I wanted A man I know " not I man I know.

Any words of wisdom? Anyone have a H they can't get through to?

<small>[ May 19, 2004, 07:53 PM: Message edited by: toomanylies ]</small>

(((toomanylies)))

I discovered my FHW's A on my own (no clue until discovery on cellphone bill) then my FWH didnt come clean after Dday #1. He lied about sexual intercourse for 3 months. It seemed nothing he admitted was voluntary!

But I feel that he is not hiding anything else. I guess I'll never know. I have not found any evidence like you have, of this. If I do, I know I would probably feel the same way.

I dont know what to say b/c I am not in the same position, but wanted you to know that I am sorry that you are going through this.

I hope someone posts that has had real experience similiar to your situation to help.

Stay strong tml!!