RR, good morning. How are you today? I've been thinking of you and praying for you yesterday.

You get many good advice here. Please don't give up. Please read Lordslady's thread, Burtonzoo had a very good post there. Prayers for you.

yep, looks like we were posting at the same time <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> i don't the thought of reading 19 pages of posts on LL's thread seems kind of daunting. wish i had a computer at home so i could. i'll try to, thanks for the suggestion. prayers to you. RR

RR, sorry for the confusin. I meant the most recent post in LL's thread. The one right aboe mine. It is not too long. It is very inspring. You can read it when you have time.

well i just got off the phone w/SH and i read him the letter from my H as well as the letter starfish recommended writing. SH advised to yes, write my H a letter back (don't call) but that it should be more of a rebuttal letter and shouldn't really address what my H said in his letter. Once i send it then i should allow sufficient amount of time for my H to get the letter, read it, let it sink in and then call him. What SH recommended putting in a letter to my H would go something along the lines of:

that i received his letter and that yes, let's move forward together. after all we have come to realize about what we did wrong imagine what we can do in the future. we are so much more educated and aware of what doesn't work and we have paid dearly to learn this lesson. i realize our feelings for each other are different and as painful as it is i do get that you feel you don't love me. but feelings can be turned around. If you doubt that can happen then talk to someone who knows how it's done. our future will be different than the past.


SH said that's all i should really say and has told me some things to say when i call my H to talk about the letters we have sent each other. i don't know when i will get to talk to SH again so that's why i asked. i will be posting more of my session w/SH in my sessions w/SH thread. waiting for chris-CA123 to pop in like he normally does <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> would still like to here from more FWS. continued prayers to all.

POP! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

the lady who is an attorney in our church called... she said that since we were married for at least 10years and one of us were in the military for that time that i should start w/the base legal office. my H has been out of the military for 4 years and i've been out of the military since september so first of all i didn't even think i could talk to anyone there. she said i shouldn't rule it out and that he is probably entitled to half of what i have.
As far as the military (I am retired Air Force), they will only help you as far as benefits you or he may be entitled to in a divorce. They give very, very basic advice and tell you to find a lawyer downtown.
From above, it seems she was talking about military retirement. It is not simply 50% if you were married for 10 years. It all depends on length of service, length of time married and the overlap of these two.

my thought was even in the case of infidelity?
Military does not care about that at all.
Also, it is not the military who would decide if the other spouse were to get any retirement. It is left solely up to the state.

she did say that since the house is in both of our names that my H can't sell it without me.
Correct.
It will take both signatures on the final paperwork (if both names are on the title).

When you send your letter and talk with him, you want to make sure you are in no way confrontational. NO arguing or getting upset. (wait till you get off the phone and can yell at us here)
Don’t put words in his mouth. Ask a question and wait for him to answer. (for example, “Would you be willing to talk with Steve Harley?” Then just wait without a word until his response.

thanks, chris, you continue to "slay" me, is that even a saying anymore? anyway, you crack me up.

retired AF huh? just another reason why i trust your judgment <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> my dad is retired AF, my H was in the AF for 9 yrs, i was in the AF for 4 yrs. it just wasn't for me, it's different when you are the AD member, it's different when you are an officer, and totally different when you are in the medical field. anyway, i agree w/what you said about base legal and don't think that is an issue i really need to address. i'm more concerned about the issues of a D in FL. i started a thread on this in the D'd/D'ing forum.

thanks for the advice about when i write or talk to him, as always it's right on. was just feeling sad that i had to put my training wheels back on, as you called it. oh well, i'm still learning. prayers to you.