Hello,

It seems to me that her refusal to make a decision is a decision. It also seems like you are way too availiable. I think the message you are sending is that you are willing to accept her living and being intimate with the OM without her having to suffer any consequences whatsoever. No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. You are married and she is living with another man. As long as your allow this situation to continue then this will be an ongoing drama for you. You have little hope of recovery as long as there is contact with the OM. How do you think your wife would be dealing with the situation if the roles were reversed?
Your wife has disrespected you in the worst possible way and she knows you are waiting for her as a backup for her. Again no decision is a decision. In fact, she is living with the OM so I guess there is a decision. She is having sex with two men. This is unacceptable but will continue as long as you allow it without consequences. I wish you luck.

I see what you are saying. I have been in a form of Plan A for the last 3 mos. and it has worked somewhat with a couple false attempts at recovery. I think I will continue the Plan A for the next couple weeks until she can see that I have become more considerate and respectfull. However, I dont think that Plan A will work as far as getting our marriage back together so I guess Ill start writing my Plan B letter <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

What kind of consequences could I possibly bring about with someone like this?

Hi Mike,

I think a plan b letter is what I mean for consequences. You inform her that you also have the power to make decision in your life and you are sure down the road you will find a woman who can love you and be faithful to you. The plan b letter is to inform her that you will have no contact with her. You are married and she is living with and being intimate with another man. This is unacceptable.
When she realizes that you have no intention of accepting this situation then the chances are she will wake up out of the fog. The bottom line is that as long as she knows she can have two men fighting over her and making love to her without any consequences then there is no reason for her to make a decision. The problem of course is that she has made a decision. Who is she living with and being intimate with? I really think in this situation that the more availiable and accepting you are of the situation the more she will maintain the situation because she has the best of both worlds. Am I wrong?

Hi again,

I wanted to add that I suggest that you read
the book Tough Love by James Dobson. Your situation is a perfect example of what he writes about.