OK, I'm just curious to know why you never gave yourself persmission to have an A during your M? What were the principals that guided you to be faithful to you S? No opportunity? Or are you too fussy perhaps? Did you have too much self respect? It's just that from what I've read here, a lot of WS's OP's don't sound so great. So why are they attracted to these losers - when surely the rest of us have had ample opportunity to take up with a loser too, or maybe something even better, but we still didn't? Why?

I know why I didn't, but I want to hear your thoughts on why you didn't.

anyname

<small>[ November 07, 2004, 11:55 AM: Message edited by: cipher ]</small>

cellophane, I'm so, so sorry that you had to be a BS when you suffered so much as a result of your mother's infidelities. Life seems unbelievably cruel at times. Oddly enough, I think I took after my mother. My father betrayed my mother when they were first married. She had such a *&^% life growing up, and finally she married and then my father went off with some absolute slut who gave him an STD. My mother was very beautiful, absolutely stunning! I know she was approached by another man to take care of her and my eldest brother, but she wouldn't have him. She was such a true person.

I inherited my mothers singlemindedness. I have had years of flattery from men (not as good looking as my mother but even in her shadow, I'm tolerable). My FWH is nothing to look at. He gets one opportunity, his entire life and he takes it. Go figure!

Sorry, it's evening here and I'm getting my calories from wine tonight - who needs food? Feel very sad. Thank you for sharing your very sad story.

an

This was the very question posed to me by my adulterous wife's OM. I was completely floored. My answer: First, it is simply wrong. I am fairly religious and morals mean much to me. There is no justification for adultery- there are only rationalizations.
From the purely selfish standpoint, I could not live with myself. How people do that and then go home, acting as if nothing were wrong is truly beyond my comprehension.
So far I am clead: I did not destroy my family and commit that terrible sin. I am not perfect, but I did NOTHING of that magnitude. When the chips fall where they will (and they will) I don't want any to fall on me.

For me it was simple after 14 years I still loved her. She was my life the reason for getting up and loving life she was my WIFE. Now I just want to give up, quit, throw in the towel. Now country western songs are so real to me go figure.

Because I believe in Jesus Christ, and I try daily to pattern myself after his example. To have an affair of any type, would be wrong for many reasons, by his teachings. I would not want to hurt my H, as he has hurt me...revenge is not the way to go. I know what it feels like to want someone to show me some love, and validate my feelings of selfworth, but to do that thru an affair, is not even love for myself.

Whaddaya mean, most of us are attractive? We're all attractive!

NOT ME Believer...

I AM one of the ugly ones... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
that hasn't had an affair...!!!!!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

that's the real reason I havent' posted my pic..

ARK
ps any packages on the front porch lately... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Simple. I could never cheat on my children. When you cheat, you betray them too. I could never do anything that would hurt my children.

Hey believer - I thought the same thing! Need subject changed to:

BS's. Most of u have had opportunities, so y didn't u have an A?

'Cause you're right, we are all attractive!

Besides, how can you tell from text? LOL

sss

yah, how do you know we aren't buttugly?? I happen to have helmet hair! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

BS's. Most of u are attractive, so y didn't u have an A?
What does physical attractiveness have to do with affairs? (Not much).

OK, I'm just curious to know why you never gave yourself persmission to have an A during your M?
Same reason I didn't give myself "permission" to breath underwater (without SCUBA gear).
It's not something you give yourself "permission" to do.

and I happen to have a very nice looking butt! So being butt ugly is a compliment! (?) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Because I'm a weenie (but a cute one) and I couldn't handle the GUILT...don't know how you Waywards do it...

but!!

Melody has really pretty teeth.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I have no comment on chris's butt though....

ark

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Chris -CA123:
<strong> and I happen to have a very nice looking butt! So being butt ugly is a compliment! (?) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">MEN!!

Hey, don't jump on me for using the word attractive. Attractive can take many forms. Stupid is as stupid does... likewise attractive is as attractive does! I find even the plainest of people attractive if I consider them nice people.

Secondly, the vast majority of people I know who've had A's are pretty ordinary looking . Sorry WS's who are reading this. As with everything there are exceptions to the rule. 90% of the people I know who've had A's aren't much to look at.

I once read a comment in a book about affairs that said something like: some people don't have the psychological profile to have an affair. I understood that comment. I think some of us consider it too big a deal - we don't have the wherewithall to live a lie. As an earlier poster commented, we can't come home and pretend all is right with the world. I know I'm like that. I tell my H everything. Always have. If I'd been stupid enough to let some guy sh*g me earlier in the day, I'd walk in and blurt the whole thing out within 30 seconds. It's just the way I am. Hence I know it's highly unlikely that I am A material.

However, I also think it's tied up with people's self esteem. Low self esteem people are more prone maybe?

off to bed in this part of the world. thanx for all the answers thus far...

Guilt. If I ever got involved in an affair, I couldn't live with myself. That goes for ONS's also.

Having been through this now, I would never want to be the one who caused that much pain to another. (Yes, I have thought about Revenge A's since this came to light.)

People don't enter into A's for how the OP looks, it is usually because of how they make the WS FEEL or how the WS feels with OP.But that in itself isn't entirely truthful.Someone on this board said that the initial communication between WS/OP are based on lies.

They each try to embellish themselves to the hilt so as to appear more attractive and free of baggage.Contructively applying the smiles and nods and responses needed to appear completely engrossed in the OP.We all know that this doesn't last.It is the "dating" stage where everyone is putting their best face/foot/fantasy forward.

I also had opportunities to enter into an A but always regarded OP's that tried to lure me astray were evil.I still feel this way.I cannot fathom how a person can look at another person,see that they have a Wedding band/ring on and say,"Well I am going to get involved anyway for my own selfish needs"!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Grrrr.

Plain and simple....it is WRONG WRONG WRONG to commit Adultery and I DO know right from wrong.My mother DID raise me to understand this!

O

Deleted... please ignore.

<small>[ May 19, 2004, 08:51 PM: Message edited by: reservoirdog1 ]</small>