Help! I normally post in the just found out forum.

No action coming from my H. with the I love you's.
Seem to be hollow. Every time I make the time for him and trust me, I cut corners for him, he has an excuse for not wanting to be with me. He says he misses our time together, but when I say hey let's rent a movie, snuggle up on the couch, read together, Sit on the deck after the kids are asleep. Blah, blah , blah he makes excuses. Like I am too tired, you know I am not a late night person (8:30 and beyond) If I get up in the morning early, he is doing something like the lawn, getting his car washed, oil change, running to the office. Doing laundry (his). I suck at laundry. (I can't handle anymore loads)
This is the crap that I had to deal with before his A. And he is not hearing me still I have talked to hm to his face, e-mails, in our MC! I have always reached out for him and this is what I get? In reality, I should have been the one to have the A. But he said that this other women gave him attention. Am I not giving him attention. This one of the reasons why I am still stuck. I am down and sad today! Because I am feeling lonely!
Ali

Ali,

i don't have much advice to give you. it sure sounds like you are doing the right things. don't give up.

i can certainly relate to feeling lonley so i wanted to at least let you know you have been heard and i just said a little prayer for you. I hope your spirits improve.

Ali,

Have you been able to sit down with your H to go over the EN questionaires? If not, then that needs to be done ASAP. If you have, then it sounds like you need some clarification from your H. If he doesn't want to work with you, then it's time to work on yourself (make yourself a better person-spiritually, physically and mentally). If he's not able to or won't commit then you need to get yourself ready to be free of him. I hope that doesn't sound too simplistic, because I know it's not as easy as 1,2,3. Good luck and God bless!

One other thought...I too have had times where I get no response to my "I love you's" as I'm leaving for work and at other times of the day. Try to be persistent and patient. It sucks that we're (the WS) ones who it feels like we're bending over backwards to get the WS to come home. It's definitely not easy. Hugs to you. Hope you feel better soon.

Thanks you two!

I just feel his I loves yous are words. I mean anyone can say I love you but they don't have to mean it! No action behind it! His job seems to be the center of his life. I understand. I knew that when I married him but what he posted a year ago his # is 26649. Check it out "cheated/wife still loves me" That he lost the spark, passion etc. in his relationship with me..... and when I try I get pushed away. 3 months ago I would not been able to do this. Now, it is rejecting all over again. Don't get it? I am in a lose lose situation!

Ali <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Alii,

U R trying too hard. Pull back a bit. It is making you frustrated that he is cruising and you are bruising.

Leave some laundry for him to do. Meet some but not all of his needs. Let him know you are tired also.

Some guys feel more independent knowing their wives can do stuff without them. Gives the WS or xws more time to make their own fun or time for other things. Does he realize he is neglecting you? Maybe not. Or at least not enough.

Mine used to act that way for a long time. That's one of the reasons why I keep plan B in my back pocket.

I also let him read some of the stuff here. Maybe seeing the pain in others, could help him see the pain in you. Are you hiding your pain?

It is a good idea to take the EN Q as previously suggested.

JMHO,
L.

Hello Orchid!

Our therapist still has our book; "How to an Affair". And of course she is on vacation for the next week so I will not be seeing her for two weeks. I will get it then. We did talk about meeting the EN's. He comes up with so many excuses! I asked him if he wants this M? I told him that he shouldn't feel "obligated" to stay because of his guilt. No way should that tie us together. He is free to go. But he says he wants to stay. He mentions that he'll miss the kids and such. I know and I know most of you know that it is not fair to the kids to see parents in this condition. Children learn what they live.

I ought to read more about plan B. Maybe in some sense I am doing it. ??????

Oh he definitely knows of my pain. I tell him what I miss what I could use from him but again he makes up all the excuses. The job is more important. He still feels that he has to prove himself. He is above his target goal by 120%!! How much more does he have to prove? I tell him that I am proud and really happy that he is happy about finally finding the right "job" for him. No love busters there. I don't know. I guess I will pull back more.
Should I let him oil our floors? Get this! We live in a fairly new house and the builder put in untreated hard wood floors in the high traffic area. Kids and a dog? Ughhhhh! That is all I need more work! Can someone please stop the rain?
Thanks,
Ali