I have read in SA that once you start plan be and after reality will start to set in. I know that is not a guarantee that H will come back.

I just keep thinking has this decision really set in. He has to be thinking about that. I don't know if as my pregnancy progresses and I deliver that reality will set in on what he is losing or if it already has and he does not care.

He has went to dinner with mutual friends and told them he wants them to meet her. They think he is crazy. They aren't going to meet her. She just bought a house and I worry they will soon move in together.

What are your thoughts on reality setting in??

I'm sorry to say that it might actually take awhile. Sometimes you have to wait for OW to LB really badly. Sometimes they do that during Plan A, but sometimes not until Plan B. If they do move in together, that will help you in the long run. That is when they will truly see each other and nobody is perfect.

What is going on with child support, etc? Usually people hate it when most of their partner's money is going to someone else's kids. Hold on, you might be in for a long ride.

D - you don't need to be worried about his state of mind right now. His attitude is fog-laden and headed for a crash, whatever he chooses.

However, the best attitude for a betrayed spouse to have, regardless of what the wayward does goes like this:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm too cute and life's too short!</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">spoken by my favorite recovery person who's self-confidence (at least the appearance of confidence and self-worth) snapped her spouse's head around pretty quick...

I'm going to post some links of her crisis from a year ago, so you get a feel for the awesome power you have in being a strong Plan B-er with leverage - that's husband's first baby in process!

Leilana stands up: Lug takes notice

I will add other parts of her story as well. Keep in mind - a wayward wants what he thinks he cannot have. Your husband is for the most part blissfully unaware of the impending doom, even though he does see some clouds on the horizon, he's choosing to ignore them.

The question you have to answer for yourself:

If you weren't working such a hard plan b, and he was cake-eating at will - participating in the progression of the pregnancy and feeling like he was going to get the full privileges of being a daddy AND cheating on you...

what kind of a woman would you have to become to tolerate that kind of treatment - like you are some kind of inanimate object - like an incubator, just making his life complete between his *gag* soul mate and his fatherhood experiences....

Trust the process of Plan B. And grow in the confidence that you will NEVER EVER be that kind of a doormat who doesn't matter to him.... or to you.

You have my tremendous respect!

durham - I can't top Kayla's answer.

But I will answer your topic question from my perspective:

Reality has yet to set in for my XW. I'll be surprised if it ever does.

But a new reality set in for me long ago - the reality that I control my life and no matter who betrays me or who hurts me, I can choose to learn from the experience and grow. I can simply choose to be a better person and continue to live by the golden rule and NO ONE can keep me from enjoying life to the fullest. Period.

You have a great gift coming to you and you will soon be not only the most powerful woman on the planet (to your H - See my response about this on one of your earlier threads), but you will also be the most important woman on the planet, a Mother to your child.

WAT

I know I am in for a long ride. I just can't wait to have this baby and all of the happiness he will bring. I know I will still have all of this crap to deal with but atleast I will be very busy. It will be a long summer, but only 13 more weeks until delivery.
I will see my attorney on Monday. I am also interviewing babysitters. Everything I do on my own is just another shock as we had always planned to be a family. That's life I guess. I am getting stronger everyday.
I don't know how long I will be able to tolerate his crap. I think if I weren't pregnant I would be ready for a D. I know I can find someone else.

D, you are very strong. GOD will take care of you and your baby. Your Wh will know how much he will miss. HUGS.

D

Please remember to make sure you take care of yourself during this time. I know it is easier said than done, but when you are pregnant stress is the last thing you really need right now. Plan B is to protect you, but remember it isn't just you, you are protecting right now. You have a beautiful baby that you don't want to start stressing already. Take naps, and meditate, eat healthy and breathe. Remember to breathe, get fresh air, walk....walking is good for the delivering process. Now is a good time to quit thinking about him, and think about you and your new life you are bringing into this world. If I had one thing to say at all....no one else will probably agree with me here so I will await the 2x4s...I would say at least the baby didn't get to know his dad and have him walk out on him. My three year old son misses his dad terribly and he doesn't understand because his dad was here every day and now he isn't. If your WH chooses not to participate in your babies life, then that is his loss for sure and you will be a great mom and you will find happiness again and someone who will love both of you. I would rather it be your WH as would everyone here. I will pray for you and your child for happier times to come.

HINY <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />