Ok, WW will be moving into her own house shortly....should have been yesterday, but slow lawyers and glitches <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> have delayed that step. She is very stressed as I used to look after all the finacial and logistical stuff.

She's working hard at smoothing it out and I suspect she will be in there this weekend. For those of you that don't recall my infrequent posts, it's less than 200 M away!

So plan B will be enacted soon. After some thought and plagerism of other plan B letters, I have come up with the following:

My dearest WW

I could never have imagined being where we are right now; both of us in separate homes, legal documents specifying when we are to see our children, and you intimately involved with another, also married, man. I am sad beyond belief at our situation especially knowing that I helped create the environment where you felt a relationship with OM was preferable to our marriage. I grieve the thought that we may not grow old together.

I’ve done an incredible amount of soul searching over the last 6 mos. and have worked hard on trying to be the man and husband you wanted me to be. I see my flaws; I know I’m not an easy man to live with. I understand how my stoic exterior, critical eye and reluctance to show affection left you feeling lonely. I took your love for granted. My sense of priority was skewed and now I fear I am about to lose all that really matters. I’m truly sorry from the depths of my heart for the pain I’ve caused you. In spite of my shortcomings, though, I’m confident I can change to be the husband you want me to be and I continue to work on improving myself in that regard.

I pray for the day when we can reunite this family and begin to build a new, better marriage. A marriage, in which we both feel loved, safe, cherished and honored. A marriage where there is no room for an affair. I’m confident we can achieve that. I know there are proven routes to get there. It is also my hope, and OMW that she and OM can also achieve this and preserve their family union as well. I’m sure (Name of OM’s children here) wish that too.

I married you for life WW and I made a covenant with God in front of our friends and family to be there for you. I loved you then, and I’ve loved you more with the passing years. I hope for the chance again to treat and cherish you, as a husband should.

I will respect your decision to leave our union WW, because I cannot control your choices. I still love you, believe in you and pray for you, but I can’t fight for our marriage alone any longer. I am weary. I remain willing to do whatever it takes to correct the mistakes I’ve made in the past and make our marriage stronger and closer than we thought possible. I simply cannot do that until you end your involvement with OM.

Your affair continues to cause me a level of anguish that words cannot adequately describe. As it continues, I feel that pain whenever I see you and eventually it may defeat the remaining love I still have for you. For these reasons, I will have no further contact with you until you end your involvement with OM and recommit to our marriage. I will avoid seeing you, talking to you or communicating with you in any way. I take this necessary step, not to punish you, but for my own personal well being and to preserve any chance we have of rebuilding our life together. I ask you to respect my decision to distance myself from you in this way. As soon as you are willing to permanently separate from OM and commit to a plan for rebuilding our marriage, we can talk of a future together.

I suggest you enable the text messaging on your cell phone for the instances I must communicate with you. You may text message me from your phone then or now via the Internet. I will not read your E-mails if you send them. You may reach (friend with an E-mail address) via E-mail and he will relay any message to me. I will get a hold of you this way or through another family member/ mutual friend as well. I will also aim to pick up and drop off our children through a third party or some means that prevents any interaction between us.

Please encourage DS to call when he is at your house, I will do the same, but I will not speak with you. I have no intention of keeping you from our beautiful children and you may see them outside your scheduled times whenever I can accommodate it. I hope you will extend the same courtesy to me. I also ask you not expose our children to your relationship with OM The lessons learned now will remain with them for life. They deserve as good an example as we can present under the circumstances.

I love you WW, I know I’m haven’t been good at showing you that, but I do. The work of rebuilding our marriage would be long and difficult, but so worthwhile. Neither of us knows what a family should be, we had poor models. I fear we are about to pass that legacy to the next generation. I don’t want a family for family’s sake, I want to create a world where we want to be for the true joy and contentment it offers us. Where once again we are each other’s best friends. Where you are my (cute pet name) and I am your (cute pet name) I have tried my best to express my willingness to repair our battered marriage for the past several months to no avail. I cannot sacrifice my remaining love for you any longer. I will guard it for us to enjoy should you so choose.

My love and prayers,

Me

I welcome all comments, observations, and criticisms.

Pretty close, Binder. I'll have some suggested changes later today.

WAT

Binder - my suggested version is below. You can spot the changes.

Your original version struck me as kinda "edgy" and sanitary. I tried to soften it up a bit. This is a matter of style and you or others may not agree. Take it for what it's worth.

I deleted the part about OM and his family. Agree with your statement, but this is about your family, not theirs.

Your situation is novel. You have children and she will be very close by. I don't think it's reasonable to have no contact. That's why my suggestion "minimizes" contact. Even if she moved further away, Plan B with kids is very difficult and if you specify no contact, it can be criticized as being unrealistic and detrimental to the kids. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I suggest you swallow this reality and specify only written contact. Regarding handing off the kids - being only 200m away, but using an intermediary, makes no sense and will be ridiculed.

My dearest WW

I could never have imagined being where we are right now; both of us in separate homes, legal documents specifying when we are to see our children, and you involved in another relationship. I am sad beyond belief at our situation especially knowing that I helped create the environment where you felt a relationship with OM was preferable to our marriage. I grieve the thought that we may not grow old together.

I've done an incredible amount of soul searching over the last 6 mos. and have worked hard on trying to be the man and husband you wanted me to be. I see my flaws; I know I haven't been an easy man to live with. I understand how my stoic exterior, critical eye and reluctance to show affection left you feeling lonely. I took your love for granted. My sense of priority was skewed and now I fear I am about to lose all that really matters. I'm truly sorry from the depths of my heart for the pain I've caused you. Despite my shortcomings, I'm confident I am changing to be a complete husband and I continue to work on improving myself in that regard.

I pray for the day when we can reunite this family and begin to build a new and better marriage - a marriage, in which we both feel loved, safe, cherished and honored. A marriage where there is no need for others. I'm confident we can achieve that. I know there are proven routes to get there.

I married you for life WW and I made a covenant with God in front of our friends and family to be there for you. I loved you then, and I've loved you more with the passing years. I hope for the chance again to treat and cherish you, as a husband should.

I still love you, believe in you and pray for you, but I can't fight for our marriage alone any longer. I am weary. I remain willing to do whatever it takes to correct the mistakes I've made in the past and make our marriage stronger and closer than we thought possible. But this simply cannot be accomplished until your involvement with OM ceases. I understand his presence is not the cause of our problems, but his distraction prevents us from fixing the causes.

Your involvement with another man continues to cause me a level of anguish that words cannot adequately describe. I feel that pain whenever I see you and eventually it will defeat the remaining love I have for you. For this reason, I must minimize further contact with you until you recommit to our marriage. I will minimize seeing you, talking to you or communicating with you in any way. I take this necessary step, not to punish you, but for my own personal well being and to preserve any chance we have of rebuilding our life together. I ask you to respect my decision to distance myself from you in this way. As soon as you are willing to permanently separate from OM and commit to a plan for rebuilding our marriage, we can talk of a future together.

Until then, please minimize contact with me. You may reach (friend with an E-mail address) via E-mail and he will relay any message to me. I will limit necessary contact with you to written communication, only when necessary, or through another family member/mutual friend. When we exchange the children, I will minimize face to face contact and ask you to do so as well. I will communicate with you directly in emergency situations. Please do not enter my house.

Please encourage DS to call when he is at your house, I will do the same, but I will not speak with you. I have no intention of keeping you from our beautiful children and you may see them outside your scheduled times whenever I can accommodate it. I hope you will extend the same courtesy to me.

I love you WW, I know I haven't been good at showing you that, but I do. The work of rebuilding our marriage will be long and difficult, but so worthwhile. Neither of us knows what a family should be, we had poor models. I fear we are about to pass that legacy to the next generation. I don't want a family for family's sake, I want to create a world where we want to be for the true joy and contentment it offers us and our children, where once again we are each other’s best friends. Where you are my (cute pet name) and I am your (cute pet name) I have tried my best to express my willingness to repair our battered marriage for the past several months to no avail. I cannot sacrifice my remaining love for you any longer. I will guard it for us to enjoy should you so choose.

My love and prayers,

Me

Thanks WAT.....you are the 600 Grit sandpaper to my pointy words. I like it.

I have good neighbors that an assist with exchanges if/when necessary and when my time with the children ends, I can take my S to school and D to a day home close by. I'll see how it goes.

I feel the need to express my concern regarding the children's exposure to the OM. I can't get it into the separation agreement, so I thought this would have been a suggestion that is appropriate. Thoughts?

I gotta say, WW is on the edge of tears when I see her now. She was trying to move the mini stereo out last night, became frustrated and began crying. I said: "I thought this was supposed to make you happy." She ran out. I followed up this a call to her cell telling her I was still here for her and concerned for her well being.

This AM she arrived again, composed, but melancholy (That's what you get when you cross Lassie with a cantaloupe). Me thinks the Plan A has her thinking. However.....she's still leaving.

The reason I took out the kids exposure to OM was that you cannot win this. Yep, it makes your gut wrench. If you want to say it, try this: "I also prefer you not expose our children...." This states your preference as opposed to asking her to do something. She can deny your request, but she cannot deny your feelings. Subtle, but see the difference?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Binder:
<strong>"I thought this was supposed to make you happy."</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Try to avoid things like this that can come across as sarcastic. Hard to do, eh? She'll only have more determination to "prove" you wrong.

WAT