I'm beginning to think that its a bad idea when WH and I go "out" somewhere nice (or plan a nice dinner in)to discuss M and see where things stand. I thought it would help us feel better about talking. But the conversations are always strained and stressful (never very productive).

The worse part is that I really believe that this only confirms in WHs mind that we don't have that "chemistry."

I'm confused: Should we be having these types of discussions about where we are/we can go while HW is still having A (he moved into own apartment). He says he is confused and wants to know how (really if) we could change things. But he doesn't really listened to anything I say (he certainly doesn't "hear" anything I'm saying). He seems to use it instead to fuel all his negative thoughts. In fact, we always seem to be doing better when we don't have these types of conversations and limit it to small talk.

Should I hold off on "bigger" discussions until WH has ended A and is less foggy headed?

Any suggestions?

Yes.

I agree to for the exact reasons you wrote about.

You can't talk with an alien about M, they don't speak the same language.

Plan A?

A more complete answer was within your post. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by FE_Hopeful:
<strong>But the conversations are always strained and stressful (never very productive).

He seems to use it instead to fuel all his negative thoughts.

In fact, we always seem to be doing better when we don't have these types of conversations and limit it to small talk.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He's clearly a fence sitter.

Take advantage of ALL opportunities before Plan B to talk about EVERYTHING other than the affair or relationship issues.

You have to lure him back, you cannot pull him back.

Pleasant is good, conflict is bad.

WAT

Thanks WAT and SHMI. I agree. Unfortunately the last "conversation" has taken a toll. WH is being very guarded--like I said something is up. He even said that he may take a couple of days off to work on the house (I'm sure to make him feel less guilty of leaving the house unfinshed before "choosing" OW).

This turn of events has really gotten me down. I know I have to snap out of it and return to Plan A in full force and remember that this is a roller coaster ride and the ups come as fast as the downs.

Thanks.