This is somewhat of a vent, but also a question. My W, who had an EA for several months last year, but still will not refer to the experience as an EA, changed during that time. She is 41 and very attractive. We have been married 19 years. About 2 months into this "friendship" she started to tan, dress more provocatively, wear thong underwear, etc.

Now that she has had NC for 5 months, she still wears the underwear (which I enjoy by the way). I left for the office the other day and had to come back for something (gone 10 minutes). She had changed from the underwear she had on when I left to a thong. I surprised her when I walked in, but did not say anything. She was going shopping that day with her very married girlfriend. This has nothing to do with OM, but is certainly a remnant of that time.

What's with women and thongs?

big undies do not feel as sexy... I personally feel sexier in thongs.... specially when they fit just right. They are not comfortable for sleeping though... Also she might realized that she was going to wear a tighter pants or skirt and did not want to show her panty line.. I know.. I'm a BS and I suspect EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Of course, I don't think I would look good in a thong <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Here is something to consider:

Hopefully, a WS grows and changes during an A and the aftermath. (If he/she doesn't, then WS is prone to repeat his/her mistakes). So, a WS may do some things differently after the A--not as a way to 'remind' himself/herself of the OP, but because he/she found out something about himself/herself and changed.

E.g., I found out during the A that I liked sexy nighties. I think that my W looks great in them and it turns me on. My W has some now that I paid for (she picked them out).

<small>[ May 20, 2004, 09:38 AM: Message edited by: Jimmy Mac ]</small>

Now that she has had NC for 5 months,
How positive are you?

I left for the office the other day and had to come back for something (gone 10 minutes). She had changed from the underwear she had on when I left to a thong.
I ask the previous question because of this.
If she was going to wear them, why didn't she put them on at first?
Why did she wait until you left?

I'm not suggesting anything is still going on but I'd be a bit curious.

There are so many innocent explanations for this behavior. She's going shopping with a friend. So maybe she got dressed without thinking, and then realized, "Hey, I'm going to be trying on bathing suits! I should wear a thong." Maybe she caught a glimpse of what she was wearing in the mirror and saw a panty line. Maybe she had an accident of some kind that necessitated changing panties. (How old is she? Some ladies as they age can start to leak if they sneeze suddenly.) I wouldn't worry about this one.

I understand your being suspicious of everything.

HOWEVER, regarding the change of undies....a sudden change of underwear is not an unusual occurance for many women while getting ready to go out. The underwear I ultimately wear is directly related to the pants/skirt/dress I ultimately decide to wear. And that can change numerous times within ten minutes. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Maybe she decided to wear something that the other underwear wouldn't work with. Nothing is worse than a visible panty line. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Maduro, I don't mean to make light of your situation. I totally understand it. I changed my appearance and manner of dress after H's A#1. I started wearing thongs, too <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> . Most of those changes stuck (even after 12 years) because I found that feeling better about my appearance makes me feel better about myself. I still wear thongs because I don't have to worry about panty lines, etc. I also feel sexier in them, which makes things better for H. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

If you're unsure of something, just tell her how you feel. Tell her that you're feeling a bit insecure and need some reassurance. TALK!!!

Best of luck to you.

Lori

<small>[ May 20, 2004, 10:01 AM: Message edited by: at peace ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> big undies do not feel as sexy... I personally feel sexier in thongs.... Especially when they fit just right. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I couldn't have said it better! I read an article once on how to build your self esteem. Well...one of the examples was to wear something underneath your daily wear that makes you feel sexy. It keeps you confident and carefree all day. Eventually...those good feelings can be untilized in your relationship.

EX: thongs..lingere under a typical business suit..sexy Victoria or Fredricks bra's are great too! (I must say from experience) Material makes all the difference. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

And someone else said, she probaly changed b/c of the clothing she later decided to wear. Perfectly makes sense! Can't just wear any dress etire w/ a pair of thongs on..especially if they are fitting the way they are intended. Wouldn't you rather see her full bootie in a pair of kaki's or what not..rather then granny panties in anything else? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> LOL

PS: I realize what drew you to this question...I am also the BS and would double check everything..MR. H all of a sudden wanting to tan all the time..couldn't say anything about the underwear b/c he has always wore bikini briefs...otherwise I understand.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Thanks for the replies and perspectives. This one would be a huge LB if I handled it poorly since she would likely stop altogether. I don't want that. The remnants of the last few months of 2003 have some great attributes, but also some scary ones since the changes are what I started to notice first.

She really looks great, though. I guess I better suffer through it.

We each have our crosses to bear, my friend. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />