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i feel a change in me happening and i want to re-inforce it before the selfish me tries to fight her way back into the forefront. i confess, i have not had enough empathy. i confess, i have focused more on my pain than his. i confess, i have allowed pride and shame to get in the way of being a loving person. (i think this is the hardest one for me to overcome) i accept i am a good person that made some horrible choices. i accept my H is a good person that just didn't know how to express his needs and disconnected from me. i accept my H put in a lot of effort to correct his behavior and did a wonderful job at it. everyday, i will do 3 things to show my H i love him. yesterday's list - accomplished 2, 1)stayed home long enough to allow him to golf entire round, 2)foot rub. did not accomplish 3) enable him to watch news/weather in peace. didn't happen at 10pm because he was watching sports, but not really in peace!! too much going on with kids. i did not really try to take control of situation and get them both settled down. today's list: 1) called him at 8:30am just to say good morning and i love you (i left for work before he got up). My son answered the phone so he got to hear the same message from me too, added bonus <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> 2) foot rub sometime during the evening (he really loves those) 3) set up a trip to the driving range for the whole family after dinner. (feel free to give suggestions for future days' lists)
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I love it!! We could all use those lists! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
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That is a good list. I am proud of you for giving this such a great try. I think you are doing great for yourself as well as him.
HINY
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FL - a very good example to follow.
WAT
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And keep in mind, FL: "The way to a man's heart, is through his stomach."Ask what his FAVORITE home-cooked meal is and then fix it for him this week-end. It probably will surprise you. (His answer!) Love, Julie <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <small>[ May 20, 2004, 02:43 PM: Message edited by: Blessed TIME ]</small>
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Beautiful!
You ARE sweet!
Pep
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finally learning...
this is awesome...
there is the greatest gift and reward in freeing ourselves in learing to give to others and of ourselves with no strings attached...
that the act of giving becomes its own reward...
it truly does free the soul....attitudes shift..and things get less burdonsome and easy....
great begining....
ARK
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thanks to all for your comments.
but don't be patting me on the back just yet...
it's easy to say in my head what i want to do, but totally doing it successfully is a whole other story. and i am no where near there.
in reality i am a bit of an emotional mess. i'm mostly working on trying to understand why the emotional mess.
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It's a good list FL, Do you mind if I borrow it for a while... <warning - I'm notorious for keeping my neighbor's tools... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> > Low
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FL,
Thanks for sharing with all of us. It is a great example of love being a choice. The greek word is agape and it is the way God loves us. Many think it is impossible to love that way, but even though our natures are truely selfish, we can love unconditionally. This site is proof of that fact. When God's grace is upon us by the blood of Christ, we can love like Him. It means we love without regard to the response of the beloved.
Christ's Love,
Roman
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FL....
Some people never get around to asking themselves these important questions!
You are requiring much of yourself... instead of requiring much of others... THIS is a victory!
Pep
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low, from what i have seen, you have already been implementing a loving behaviour very effectively. but yes, you can borrow the list for as long as you want. roman, </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> but even though our natures are truely selfish, we can love unconditionally </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">that really is what i am working so hard to do. It really is a SCARY thing to commit to!!!!!! one would think my H must be a monster, he is NOT, so why it is so hard to really let my guard down and just love him, i don't know. maybe i've just been in the habit of feeling bad about this marriage for way too long.
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not a lot of time to post today. i golfed with H this morning, i am at work now, testing until midnight. reading a bit here inbetween.
i did accomplish my list yesterday and did 2 other things for him too.
today i can't really say i have anything i can list. we have had a nice day though.
i hope everyone has a good weekend.
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Ask what his FAVORITE home-cooked meal is and then fix it for him this week-end. It probably will surprise you. (His answer!) </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Uh Julie... his answer was... he would rather go OUT to eat <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ok, he was not being mean about it. Friday i worked late and son's school had the end of the year "ice cream social" which included dinner. Sat, i just got dinner for the kids because he had to be out around dinner time and just wanted to get something while he was out. Sunday we were at the vacation house and had to leave by 5:30 to be back in time for him to play raquetball with a friend. he figured trying to cook and deal with the clean up and still get out on time would be too stressful. instead, i made his favorite breakfast on sunday morning. but that was not anything special because every morning we are at the lake house i make his favorite breakfast. anyway.... sat was a disaster, i was an emotional mess!!!! i don't know if it is even worth talking about here. sunday was almost going to go the same way but somehow, i'm not really sure how, i managed to pull myself together. we talked a bit in the afternoon. he is disappointed that i am not doing what he has asked of me. 1) give him patience. 2) get in shape. although i know i am trying, the bottom line is, i have not been consistent with either effort. he asked me to go to IC. i realize that could actually help me accomplish his other requests but i really don't know if i can do that. i do think i am making progress on my own, internally with books i am reading and things i am learning here. i don't know, i need to process it all and figure it out. i just don't know if i can commit to IC. anyone want to chime in their opinions? maybe, help me figure out what is holding me back..
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