Just curious about others. My wife used to always wear her wedding ring. Even during affair before I found out. Now that it has been exposed and she says it is over, she wears it sporadically. She will wear for a couple days and then she won't wear it for a couple days. She always takes it off at night and always had. Maybe sometimes she just forgets in the morning because she is busy but she didn't used to. If you hadn't noticed it just bugs me that she doesn't wear it. I'm just curious what others experiences are with this situation!

Mmm, Could be something to worry about. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> We were married for 30 yrs. I didn't wear my WR much at all - prefering other more glitzy rings. Felt very secure in my M and didn't think a gold band represented anything significant. (me BS) Since discovering my H's A, I wear my WR all the time and no other rings. I wear it all the time, accept at nite. Hate showy rings now. Just want plain gold band to signify our relationship is back to basics - no room for show. I have felt quite strongly about this - and will not wear diamond rings even when going out for special occassions.

My FWH did not wear a WR prior to his A. Two months after D-Day, his mother died. We asked for nothing from her personal effects, but she was going to be cremated wearing her WR. My H asked for her WR to wear hence forth, as an outward sign of his married status, with the added significance of it being his mother's WR too. He wears it all the time except when he's giving me a massage <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> We are both non religious nor are/were we sentimental, but the gold band has taken on a new significance for both of us.

Your wife's tardiness in not wearing her WR could mean complacency about your relationship. It might just mean she's forgetful!!!

Thanks for the reply. I'm glad to hear your FWH is wearing the ring as a sign of his renewed comittment to your marriage. In my situation I think it is doubt on my wife's part as to us. In fact I know she doubts us. Her mother and I had a long talk two days ago and she said my W doubts us and our relationship. The weird thing is my W said to her mother if only I hadn't found out she probably wouldn't have so much doubt. We(W's mother and I) believe she is very embarassed about her actions and she is having hard time dealing with people knowing because it is very against her nature to act this way. We think alot of the doubt comes from her not being able to deal with the fact that this is something I will always know about. Anyway this is not where I wanted this thread to go. I want to hear others stories about wearing wedding rings.

Stag, Mmm, I wondered whether your W's failure to wear her WR was tied up in embarrassement over her A. I wasn't surprised that you came out with this.

The doubt is something she will work thru though. What about you? How are you coping? Don't know your story. Has it been very long since d-day?

I think I would be watching what she does with her WR as a barometer of her feelings.

You can see my story if you do a search under my member number. (please don't take this wrong way I'm not trying to be rude-it could just be very long).I am coping as best I can. It is of course an up and down battle-good days and bad days. Dday was about 2 months ago. I am trying to fill her needs but I am also really starting to focus on Me. I know this is what I need to do to make the best of now and the future.

Anyone else with wearing wedding ring experiences?

I thought I would chime in here. I have a strong feeling on the wedding ring issue. My WH took his ring periodically during his A. He also took it off when he moved out. He has decided to work on our marriage now (and I am very happy) but he still does not have on his ring.

I have taken my ring off from time to time for a couple days. My WH told me he was going to file for DV and I thought maybe I should take it off and get used to not wearing it. I just could not do it. I strongly feel in my heart that I am married and committed to my marriage and I need to wear my ring.

To me the Ring signifies so much. It means committment (even if you are in a rough point in your marriage; remember for better or for worse). I think it is important to wear your rings and trust me I will be so overjoyed when my WH decides it is time to put his back on.

I have to agree. I also feel wearing the wedding ring signifies comittment. That is why I always wear mine. It is also why it bothers me so much when my W doesn't wear hers. Havinghope-if your H is wanting to work on marriage have you told him your feelings about the wedding ring. Maybe he doesn't know and would put it back on.

Staggered -

I have not told him my feelings on the ring. I used to push him so hard to work on our marriage and it almost pushed him right away from me. I don't want him to feel like I am pushing him to do something he is not yet ready to do. I want him to put it back on because he wants to put it back on. I love him and want him to be comfortabe with his choice. I guess I could tell him my feelings but I would need to express it that I want him to do it when he is comfortable.

I can understand how you feel about your WW not wearing hers all the time. Does she realize how important it is to you?? Committment is a big thing for people who are going through withdrawl. I don't know much about your story so I will have to go check it out.

Havinghope-I haven't actually told my wife how I feel about wearing the ring but a couple times I have given it to her from off the night stand. She usually says Oh! like she forgot it. Again, I feel like you if she wants to wear it she will so I don't give it to anymore. She also hasn't really recomitted to our marriage and seems to be in a lot of doubt and confusion. With regards to your H you could maybe tell him that your ring means a lot to you and maybe ask why he doesn't wear his. Be very clear to him you are not doing this to force him to wear his ring you just want him to know how you feel and want to know his feelings. Do it in a non-confrontational way and use it as a bridge to understanding. Let him know what you have said that you want him to wear it when he is ready and not just because you want him to. Just a suggestion.

Staggered -

Thanks for the suggestion. I am trying my hardest to learn new ways to communicate things to my WH. I want him to know how I feel/think but I don't want him to feel that he has to feel/think the same things that I do right now. Patience is a virtue that I often have trouble with.

I am praying for you and I hope things work out between you and your wife. From what I can see she is still seeing OM or not?? I have not read all of your posts but from what I read....

Havinghope-That is the million dollar question. I have been told by her mother and sister that it was definitely over, especially OM threatened her family over Easter. But she has been in contact with him since. I really don't know what is going on. I hope to ask just that this weekend. Hopefully, I will get an honest answer but I'm not sure if that is what I expect. Anyway I wish you the best with you and your H as well. If you look at a post from Awed to me-I believe it is under Lost My Chance?? there is a link to an Honesty assignment that might be helpful for you.

Originally posted by staggered:
My wife used to always wear her wedding ring.

Past norm.

Now that it has been exposed and she says it is over, she wears it sporadically. She will wear for a couple days and then she won't wear it for a couple days.

Post affair behavior.

I'd say it is significant.

I advise you to tell her how it makes you feel.

"When I see you without your rings in the daytime, I feel ______."

And leave your comments at that for that day.

I would do this every time she goes without her rings by the way. This will communicate to your wife a couple of things.

You are noticing her.
You care enough to notice her.
Her behavior affects how you feel.
You are willing to express your feelings to her in a non-judgemental way.
Wearing wedding rings is meaningful to you.

Pep

I strongly believe in wearing my wedding ring. It is my first line of defense to avoid having an A myself. A couple of years ago I gave a woman a ride home. She made that comment that she liked me and all I did was show my ring and say that I didn't think my wife would like that.

My WW did not wear her ring when OP was over...I guess a little guilty. To me it does show a committment to the M. I only take mine off to shower or to give back rubs. My wife takes hers off each night, but usually wears it during the day. Some days she doesn't and it makes me wonder as well.

Pep-Thanks for the comment! I do also feel I should say something. I thought my actions of actually giving her the ring when she had forgotten or left it would convey how I feel. I have thought of going the opposite way you suggest and being more positive. I could do this by telling her next time she wears her ring that I am glad she is wearing it. That it makes me feel good to see her wearing it. What do you think.

Ataggered,

PEP is right. It is very importnat that you let S know that you notice when she is wearing her wedding band. When WH told me about A, he commented that "you didn't even notice that I have not been wearing my WR". (I had noticed it on his dresser, but just moved it so that it wouldn't fall or get lost.) I was always wearing/taking mine off (also had some issues with marriage at the time).

I recently gave my rings to my WH saying that when he is ready to commit to our marriage he can give them back to me. He said sadly: I'll hang on to them until then.

Now I wish I had kept them, so that he could see I committed I am and that I still consider us very married.

PS. I hadn't worn my engagement ring for almost 2 years because one of the diamonds had to get fixed (I still wore my band). One Sunday I had my rings fixed and cleaned (took only 15 minute and cost about $10). My husband couldn't believe it!! He said, "I can't believe you did that after all this time." I just felt very ready and excited to work on our marriage.

The next day WH told me he wanted to move out, that he had had an A, and moved out the next week. He had planned on telling me this before I had rings fixed. How ironic, huh? Even my H couldn't believe it.

PS. I found his WR in his ashtray in his car. Not sure what that means.

Thanks for all the comments. Yes I know I should say something about her not wearing the wedding ring. Maybe she is seeing if I notice as FE_hopeful said her WS said she hadn't even noticed. But I don't know. I'm sure she knows that I notice her not wearing the ring. She also knows I always wear my ring even at night but not in shower or washing dishes. I would sometimes forget and go to work without it but would notice on my way to work. I would always put it on as soon as I got home. My wife would sometimes say something to me. Ironically she thought I was up to something since I work at a pup and didn't have my ring on.

Originally posted by staggered:
I thought my actions of actually giving her the ring when she had forgotten or left it would convey how I feel.

What are you?... a guy or something? LOL! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Guys are so illiterate to women's thinking sometimes...

So, I'm here to help. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Handing her rings back to her when she "forgets" them is likely to be interpreted as PUSHY and that's not good. It's likely to communicate you are not interested in her feelings as to ~why~ she is not wearing the rings.

BTW... don't ask this question directly "Why aren't you wearing your rings?" .... You will be seen as condeming or accusing ... trust me!

So ... if you actually wish your wife to know how you feel.... guess what.... you will actually have to say to her "I feel ____."

I have thought of going the opposite way you suggest and being more positive. I could do this by telling her next time she wears her ring that I am glad she is wearing it. That it makes me feel good to see her wearing it. What do you think.

I think that is an excellent idea.

Express yourself. Another form of expression is to kiss her hand sweetly when she wears the rings. Give her a "look" that says "I'm your tiger" .... and say "Thanks for being my wife. I am so happy today."

Pep

I was just about to comment and Pep beat me to it! and what an awesome suggestion too:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Another form of expression is to kiss her hand sweetly when she wears the rings. Give her a "look" that says "I'm your tiger" .... and say "Thanks for being my wife. I am so happy today." </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

pay close attention to her warning too:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Handing her rings back to her when she "forgets" them is likely to be interpreted as PUSHY and that's not good. It's likely to communicate you are not interested in her feelings as to ~why~ she is not wearing the rings.

BTW... don't ask this question directly "Why aren't you wearing your rings?" .... You will be seen as condeming or accusing ... trust me!</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">anyhow, I was so happy to read your comment "I have thought of going the opposite way you suggest and being more positive."...you are on the right track! excellent insight...awed

Pep-you are right I am just a dumb guy and obviously must not have been able to read my W. I am glad there are women here to help us dumb guys. But why should guys have to read womens minds couldn't they just say it would make life much easier(that's another thread). Anyway I hope she wears her ring soon so I can comment on it. I don't think I'll do the hand kissing since she will barely let me give her a hug.