I don't feel WW and I are in recovery yet. She is still not sure on whether we should stay married or not. So, how do I control my TAKER from saying 'if she will not fulfill your EN find someone who will'?

This may not have been a problem, but I changed jobs so that I could spend more time with her. I now work in an office where I am the only man. Of course 2 of the women are old enough to be my mother, another smokes (which I find unattractive), but the last is young, in shape and attractive. She is also married, not that that means alot to some people, but it does to me (mine own included!!)

So, how do I affair-proof myself?

Easy don't let any woman meet your needs and don't talk to them about your M problem's. Also two wrongs don't make a right.

Have you read SAA? If you are attracted to someone other than your spouse and you or they are married, don't walk..... RUN!

HINY

Sharing emotions with the wrong person is what got my WW into the A. I don't think I should tell her about my fears, because I don't want her to think that I am applying pressure.

I was a virgin when I married (age 25) becuase I always beleived that sex was a special bond between an man and wife. My wife was also a virgin, but now she has shared that 'bond'.

I almost feel like I ought to experiment more, but that is NOT the answer. I just pray that God will strengthen me in this trial.

Keep praying! And you know the answer to this without even asking. You have vows, two wrongs don't make a right. Think about how you would feel afterwards......really low.

Ask god for strength, and meditate. Read, post, vent. Don't cheat!

HINY

Thanks HFNY. If I'm not here I'm on the Christian chat rooms. It's good to go there for prayer and support. It just helps to post, and talk about things with other who have had the same experience. I just wish my emotions were not on such a roller coaster. I've always been a calm stable guy, this kind of oscillating between emotions gives me headache.

I can relate to your feelings,,its like she did it she deserves it done to her. I was not a virgin when me and my wife married and we did not have the bond that you had with your wife. Still I know that as faithful and as much as I love my wife it is simply not possible for me to be intimate with anyone else. I have never even been place in a situation to where I could have an afair. Now that my wife has had an afair you would think that she has unlocked my chains and set me free to be unfaithful,, its just not so I take alot of honor and pride that I have been faithful to my wife and I will not jeopardize that not even in my state of mind. Its ok to feel you should get even it has crossed my mind. The fact is that I am not as capable as my wife not even now. I know that an afair on my part would only further depress me. There is no other woman who can give me what my wife has and that will not change. I know that if I feel this way about myself then you must feel this also considering your sacred trust and belief in pre marital sex. Dont do it,, get away from the temptation dont let yourself be placed in a position to where it is even possible. You want to allways know that you have been totally faithful to her.

I know two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left. Okay, I have a dry sense of humor.

Seriously, the thoughts have crossed my mind, especially since we are the only ones working here today. Which is one reason why I'm talking here and not to her. But, I also dismiss those thoughts.

Those thoughts would be a whole lot easier to dismiss if the M was in good shape. A little insight into the WW's thinking. I always thought that we had a good marriage, but I just wasn't paying enough attention to her.

The thing that really hurts, she said that they had sex (after being in an emotional affair for several months) because it seemed like the thing to do. I don't know which is worse the EA or PA. I have never really gave much thought to EA, I always thought that an A had to be physical. Live and learn...such a hard lesson to learn.

I know what you mean. I thought the EA hurt more than the PA actually. We were best friends, how can you let someone else in? Just keep to yourself. You will get through these emotions like we did and still are. Are you on any meds? Like Anti-Ds? This would be a good time to go and get on them. The rollercoaster is a bad place to be.

HINY

No meds. I feel I need this to run its course. I am in control most of the time and when I loose control it is only for a short time. Thank for the concern.