well it seems like there are a few of us posting here, so i thought i would share something, i suppose it is just for the sake of sharing.

i got a phone call late last night. 3yrs ago i had a bit of a breakdown and was put into a mental health day program for about 1 month plus 6 weeks afterwards, one evening a week. you tend to get to know the people that are there at the same time as you. for a while i kept in touch with one woman in specific. she kept in touch with a lot of others and she would set up get togethers with us all once a week. i finally decided to break free from the group as i just needed to move forward from all that. but every once in a while the one woman calls me. she is very emotionally needy, she thinks we should be best friends. i could never tell her directly i needed to move forward, but i gave subtle msgs. i don't hear from her all that often anymore.

she called me last night to tell me that 2 of the people i knew from there had killed themselves just recently. one man (about my age) overdosed and one (a younger woman in college at the time) slit her throat and wrists. the thoughts are haunting me now. i feel very sad for these 2 people and for their families and for the woman who called me to tell me the news. she wants to have lunch next week. i don't mean to be heartless but i don't really want to renew any contact here.

the memory of how rock bottom i was back then is something i would just as soon leave be. although i no longer have any suicidal feelings, i can still recall how strong those feelings were at that point in time and it really is an awful memory.

i have not told my H about the call nor the news. we really haven't had anytime but then i don't think i really would even if we did. i still don't think he has any real understanding of what was going on for me back then. and i don't think he will really ever be able to comprehend it. and unfortunately he cannot comfort me on something he does not understand. he just does not know how.

this breakdown occured in april of 2001. in some ways i feel like that was the start of me crawling out of a very deep hole and it was during that climb up that i decided the marriage was over. so that is not a good connection to have, to recall how i connected becoming healthy again with the decision to divorce.

don't know if i will share this with H at all or not. i don't think this is the time. so i thought i would share here instead.

thanks to anyone who took the time to read this.

finally learning...

I have sat and done one to one contact... on people in inpatient settings who were under suicide watch..

I am now a supervisor in a hospital and every so often I have a patient in house who is there over a failed suicide attempt or that developes suicide ideation...

I spend a lot of time educating the nurses to overcome their own perceptions and just go to the basics...

that if someone feels that bad, enough to want to kill themselves...that they must be in a very lonely and sad place...and that we need to just be there for them....

I understand your desire not to go back there...nothing sounds lonilier to me than that period in certain peoples life...

I understand that some other people will never understand that feeling as well..

peace to you finally learning...\you alone hold great meaning to the fabric of this universe...
you are valued and unique....


ark

FL -

Well I am with you on this one. I was in lock up about 10 years ago. I have kept up contact with the others in there. Mostly they are doing okay.

I think you need to tell the truth. Just say that all of this is too painful for you to go through again.

It is tragic what you are sharing. Were you there because of guilt after your affair? I think it takes a lot of courage to deal with that sort of news, especially about people that you have interacted with.

I know of cases where the betrayed spouse is the one who ends up there with suicidal thoughts and a former neighbor took his life in his own home after his W ran off with another man.

That person may be trying to reach out to you because she sees that you have recovered and sees your strength.

Good luck!

I don't know where to begin. I'm already on the verge of breaking down myself and now my son is threatening to kill someone and his wife because he can't stand it that she doesn't want to be married to him anymore. He has just about lost everything he has. I try and help him but I can't seem to. Someone wrote in one of the other posts that if someone feels bad enough to want to kill themselves, they must be in a very lonely and sad place. I don't know what to do, he won't listen to me. What can I do, please someone, help. I am such a mess myself because of marriage problems I don't know what to do. I can't do this.

thanks for the responses.

ark, i think i mostly needed to hear someone say they understand, thank you very much.

believer, i'm sorry you had a similar experience, no fun.

why-me, no this occured shortly before the A. a lot was happening at the time. my dad, with whom i had a very disfucntional relationship with, had just died after being sick for over 2yrs, cancer, i really had a hard time during all that. on top of that, the project i had been working on for over 2 yrs had just been cancelled, i was lucky, i was placed on a new assignment, many others were laid off. it was hard to see all that hard work thrown on the window, and to see people laid off, and my new assignment was not what i was promised it would be and very stressful. and our marriage was so bad, it just couldn't take all the stress. H felt my problems were all about my dad and would not do MC or anything. He believed he was just not a part of the equation at all. but the fact that i didn't have a marriage i could lean on through all this stuff going on was actually the breaking thing for me, at least that is my opinion of the situation.

anyway, it was shortly after i got out and had gone back to work that i decided the marriage was over and i decided to have an A. I chatted with the guy online about 2-3 times and then met him in person. an ugly story.

cheryls,

i'm not sure what to say to you. i don't know your story at all, but it sounds like you have your hands full. do you have anyone you can turn to, siblings maybe? are you in counseling?

regarding your son, has he made serious threats, do you really think he will do something that rash? if so, i'm not sure what to advise you to do but you have to do something.

you might want to start your own topic here and ask for advice, maybe others would have concrete ideas as what you should do. my prayers are with you.

FL, sorry for threadjacking, but Cheryls needs serious help.

Cheryls, does your son have children? Ask him to focus on them. Have him find psychological help ASAP. It is understandable he wants to get revenge and get to the other man, if he does, will he be there for his children? The answer is not. In fact, he may just make it easier for the other man to get his way.
What kind of wife does he have? If he does not have children, ask him to think about how is he better off, with or without her? Do not take his threads lightly. Get him to counseling.

no problem why-me, thread-jack away. i agree with you.

My son is at my house right now but he says in the morning he is going back to where he lives. I don't know what he will do. He would have left tonight but he has no car right now and I wouldn't take him. He has a 6 year old son, he is here also. I have tried to tell him it is not worth it, but he won't listen to me. I am afraid of what he might do because he is about as low as he can get right now. I can't hold him here, he is not a child, I just don't know what to do.

Thank you all for listening

As far as his wife, she has had divorce papers drawn up already. he won't sign because of some of the stuff in them.

<small>[ May 21, 2004, 11:05 PM: Message edited by: Cheryls ]</small>

I'm sorry I have broken your threads, I will post somewhere else.

no need to apologize!!!

i was just thinking your situation needs serious attention and you might get more thoughts if the title represented your specific questions/concerns.

although considering it is close to midnight on a friday night, i'm not sure how much you can expect here anyway.