HEllo again....I have been trying my best to do a good plan A, but I do not know how I can keep from love busting when I feel I need to find out why my H continues to get us deeper and deeper in debt. He is continuing to write bad checks from his bank account( my name is not on it), and has loans from less than reputable loan companies in town. Our house payment is once again close to 3,000 dollars behind, and he is not paying any of his other bills that I can tell. Our finances have always been separate due to previous marriages, and felt it best to keep it that way. (long story I won't get into here), I have a share of the bills that I pay, and he has a share that he pays. But now....he doesn't. His job as a sales rep for a resort, has been less than stable, I can't see that he has received a paycheck since march 26.....straight commission....he says that he is selling...but I never see much to prove that. He says that I have not given him enough time on this job to prove that he can do it.....he really likes it, and does not want to quit. He has been there a little over a year. In the mean time, our house has been in foreclosure once, and we are going broke. I make good money, but not enough to take care of everything!!!! He has loans that I know nothing about, and he has always had a problem with money, and being secretive about it.
There have been clues that he may be having an affair as well.....but to date..I have no proof.
I have asked him recently if he wanted to be married to me, and a fathere to our girls...our if he wants to be single. He did not reply for a long time.....then finally said....both!!!!
I feel that is too much of the "have your cake and eat it too" way of thinking. I do not know why this is happening....perhaps midlife crisis...who knows...
But I know that we can not keep things going at this pace....we will be bankrupt...what do I do now????? How can I stay with Plan A...and deal with this grave money issue???? Maybe I can't.
Appreciate any advice you all can give..
Justinie
ps....I have been paying some of the bills that he paid before, along with all of the ones that I had...I do not think that I should have to work 2 jobs to get us out of this mess...when H refuses to look for another job...and his is the one with the inconsistent paycheck. He has time to sunbathe and swim at the resort pool....I barely find time to pee at my job....no wonder he doesn't want to quit!!!!!!

Plan A does not mean that you let the other person run all over you. See an attorney now.

Sounds to me like WH may be having an A at the resort. That may be why he likes his job. I would take measure to protect myself.

My WH ran off with OW and gave me no money to pay HIS bills. We ended up going bankrupt. I filed first and then he did. It was not such a bad thing. Our credit is ruined. It was very good before. But my WH is very irresponsible with credit cards and loans. He got two loans without my agreement.

believer,
Thanks for the quick response.....I am planning on contacting an attorney on Monday. I have considered asking my H to move out, since he can not decide which side of the fence to jump off of....but I can not afford these 900 dollar payments alone...and besides, this is his house, my name is not even on the deed. But it is increasingly difficult to be civil when everything is always in my face....He was seeing a pscychologist for his depression, but has not gone back, nor does he take his AD, he says they weren't working anyway.
He says that everything would be ok...if I could give him some space to do some things he likes...such as having drinks after work...going out with work friends etc.....and if I would stop acting like I can't believe anything he says...I think that I could....if he would do something to earn my trust, instead of the continuing secret life. Help....I need it.
Justinie

You MUST protect yourself. You can still be in Plan A and continue on a positive note with WH but you MUST protect yourself.

My WH moved out the day A came to light but he has continued to give money for funds. However, he has always been terrible with money and so I know eventually he is going to put us in a pickle.
I am preparing for the worst financially. So far the money he is giving OW (which is quit a bit in just a few months is from his selling off his gun collection) But one day that won't be there for him to sell.

I won't advise it be a lawyer you seek. I have reservations in their direction of tactics. But maybe thats what you need to do.

No matter what protect yourself.

Whitefeather,
I appreciate your comments, as I too have been worried about seeking legal advice. But, I do not know who else to turn to in such financial matters. I am going to see a marriage and family counselor at our church, perhaps he can suggest someone who can help me with this.
My H admitted to to me that he did not get paid again..no pay check since Mar 26. I do not ever see a paper that shows the sales that he has made, or when he made them, and I have asked to see something to this effect.
I just do not see how we can go on with this happening much longer at all. I am feeling the weight of it more than ever, but trying to deal with it as best I can.
Thanks again, for your concern
Justinie