WH wanted to talk today said he was feeling really down. He told me when he is at his lowest he always wants to talk to me, OW can't handle it.

Isn't that fair she gets the dates and ILY's and I get to discuss bills and my WH's self pity.

He is still babbling fog talk. If he chooses to stay with me it would be for the wrong reasons (kids). He cares for me which is code for I can't say ILY and other such fogese.

The problem is during these times I feel almost tongue-tied. I am so afraid I'll LB I am silent. Tell me vets is this what I should be doing? I wish MB had a manual when WS says such respond with this. I have always been a rule follower can you tell?

Hi,

What plan are you in?

1. If you are in plan A: Meet his needs and hopes he appreciates it. Yes you are getting scraps and making more work for yourself but you think it is worth it. That is why you are in plan A.

2. If you are in plan B: Do not meet his needs. You need to protect your needs and talking with him will make you vulnerable. He wants you to be there for him but may not be enough to motivate him to return him and leave OW completely. It will be hard to not talk with him but if you do, he may make you feel guilty and you will feel worse but he will feel better because he was able to dump his guilt on you. He may go back envigored to the OW and say he talked with you to help you feel better.

3. If you don't know what plan you are in, you need to figure that out 1st. Then go back to either 1 or 2.

Hope this helps.

L.

Thanks for your quick reply Orchid. I'm in plan A and am trying to stay there until after the baby is born.

I just don't know if I should just nod my head and be quiet or nod my head and remind him I believe we can make this work and our M is worth the effort if he is ever able to begin NC.

IMHO, if you are in plan A and with child, it is critical you be selective in your dealings with him. No sense stressing you and the baby.

If you can handle hearing him out, then do that. Don't offer any info. He wants you to hear him maybe not counsel or educate him.

If you are in plan A and can't handle the contact or subject matter, let him know it is too stressful for you to accomodate his request and let it go.

It is better if the OW takes care of some of the dirty laundry. No sense she get the dessert and you still have to make the dinner and clean up without any help.

L.