Well, it is not wrong . . . about the MC, but I do agree with ark, per usual. As I posted on your H's thread, my H thinks that without MC, our Recovery would have taken a LOT longer. He really credits our success to us in a room together with a third party. Until the A, my H thought counselors were a scam, a way to take his money.
Now, he sees the entire thing a whole new way.
You know, when my H decided to come home, he was HOME. He didn't even allow SF until he knew he was in love with me. He now realizes he was never even in love with her. It was simply a fantasy he created in his mind to make his actions of the A seem rational. And they aren't.
Once he sat back and pulled all his energy out of his feelings for her, the feelings for her disappeared rapidly. My experience here is that this doesn't happen often. But I have read that it does happen.
My H has totally come around. He now understands why I don't want to be in the same Scout troop as her. After summer camp, we are going to change troops. HIS decision. OUR decision, as a family. We are not going on the next camp out. The meetings until then are OK, because OW's son is in baseball, and he doesn't go.
H now realizes OW was not some innocent bystandard that got caught up in his manipulations. He kept protecting her. PUKE! Now, he sees her part in it. I am not saying it was all her, but it does take two, as we all here know.
Anyway, at first, H didn't like too much affection. In private was OK, but not in public. I backed off of that, after we talked about it. Now, it is back to good.
I had to learn to give him space, to make his own decisions. His own choices. He says now he wants to do things that make me happy because he wants to, wants to see me happy. Before, he felt it was a duty, an obligation. I am a strong-willed person, which has served us in the past since he was gone in the military so much. He came to see that as controlling over the years.
Now, he knows he can stand up to me. I even like that! I am tired of running the show all the time - I have been tired of that for years. My H has been reborn. He has grown up. And so have I. I have been with this man since I was 16. In July, that will be half my life. Holy crap!
Tomorrow is our 13th anniversary. Lucky 13! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> What we have gone through has been painful, but we have both grown so much. And we care for and respect each other on a much deeper level. I am still hurt. The pain comes and goes. The other night I cried for hours. Last night I laughed with him for hours. I will take this over sleeping with my electric blanket and feeling lonely and lost any day.
There is hope. Keep on keeping on. I encouraged your H to get IC and MC. My H swears these things sped up our recovery. I, too, cannot imagine being where I am without counseling.
Did I answer your questions? Do you have any more for me? I'm all flying fingers today!
SS
