Hope everyone had a good weekend!!! I don't what to think about mine. My W and I went out for drinks to celebrate her new job. The evening was OK. When we came home I asked her if I could ask her something. She said ok. I then asked her what was going on between her and OM. (I saw she received a call, text message from OM and sent a picture message to OM.) She said nothing. I then said then why calls and messages. She said he sometimes calls and she was just trying out her new phone which has camera in it. I said she could've tried to send to me or others. She got a bit mad and said it is always about A. I said no I know we need to work on our problems it just upsets me she still has contact with OM. She said it is about her feelings and how she has lost them or never had them for me. That is why she hasn't been able to talk to me. She said she didn't know what to do she was with me because of principals. Because of our girls and it would devastate her father and grandmother. I asked if we could try to work things out she said she didn't know. We talked for a while but it was late so we went to bed. I said we should try to have more honest communication since we seemed to have misunderstood each other in the past. She said yes. I just don't know. She said she definately is not with OM and he definately wasn't someone she would be with long-term. This is also what her mother and sister have said. I do think it is over it just upsets me she still has contact and I have told her this. She says she doesn't have feelings for me. I hope this isn't true but I just don't know. Sorry I'm rambling I just had to get this out. Any comments!

<small>[ May 24, 2004, 07:18 AM: Message edited by: staggered ]</small>

Hello,

I am afraid that actions speak louder than words.
She is still calling and sending pictures to the OM. She will not get out of the fog as long as contact continues. You will not have recovery as long as contact continues. It is very disrespectful to you having her continued contact with the man she had an affair with.

The comment that she stays with you because of the girls and she did not want to hurt her father and grandmother is pretty sad. I guess she didn't care that having an affair would not bother them?

There has to be consequences to her actions. The affair is not over as long as she allows the OM to contact her and she contacting the OM. It sounds like you are a bit too easy and the message is that you are willing to accept her disrepsectful behavior no matter what. Maybe if she understood that you may not be willing to stay in a marriage with her continued behavior; then maybe it would wake her up. It sounds to me she has no fear of any type of consequences for her continued disrespectful behavior toward you.
Am I wrong?

Yes in some ways you are right. She knows I really don't have many options. I am in a foreign country with not many rights with regards to my daughters. However, there are signs that the A is over. Maybe I'm just naive. I don't know. I will have to tell her again I really want her to stop all contact and I hope she will be more receptive. With regards to her being in fog I don't know. I don't think she was really addicted to OM. I'm not quite sure exactly what fog is. I truly hope it is just fog talk but who knows.

<small>[ May 24, 2004, 07:49 AM: Message edited by: staggered ]</small>

Hello again,

My friend the affair is not over as long as she continues contact. The physical part may have stopped but clearly she is still continuing an emotional affair. How do you think she would be acting if the roles were reversed and you continued phone contact and sending pictures to your former lover? The fact that there is contact means she could resume the physical part at a later date. In addition, continued contact makes it much more difficult if not impossible to reconnect to you and your marriage.

You say she was not really addicted to the OM. Yet, she betrayed your marriage and put your health at risk for this man and continues to be in contact which results in continued disrespect and humiliation to her husband. Again how do you think she would feel and act if the roles were reversed. No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. I wish you luck.