*moved from just found out forum*

I've been lurking in the last month or so since I believed that H and I were in "recovery". Unfortunately I didn't find you guys soon enough!

My story: Aug 03, I caught H on phone at 2 am?!?! And said "Is there something you want to tell me?" Boy, did he ever. I was totally blindsided with the news of a 2 mo PA and longer ? EA with a coworker. I couldn't believe the fog talk spewing out of his mouth- I had no idea who this stranger was in my house telling me this stuff! We never should have married...yada yada yada.

Anyway, after 2 days of no sleep, I made it clear that it was her or me and the children basically. He chose to stay here, gave me email passwords, called her and said it was over while I listened on the other line. I asked him to leave the job but he didn't, and I was too scared about financial insecurity, so I let it go.
I dealt with my first ever bout of depression, thanks to all this, but didn't let it win. It did however distract me for a while.

Little did I know how important NO CONTACT was, at any cost. That was my fatal mistake.

He promised there was no contact, I policed everything that I could and I trusted a man that shouldn't have been trusted. We went to MC for months and we "graduated". MC told us we were such hardworking, respectful people in this process. We were his star pupils and were "healed". We did the surveys, made the lists, met the needs, went out on dates, bought gifts, etc.

Fast forward 9 months, and I happen to be at his office complex while the sec is out one day. I find some hand written notes from her dated after NC was to have begun and all hell breaks loose...again.

He confesses that 2 weeks after dday # 1 contact resumed and he has been lying to me the whole time. He just didn't know how to get away from her he was so deep into it. She then started to pull the ole Fatal Attraction moves on him...poor thing, it's so hard having an affair!
WH even had the MC fooled! What an actor. WH says that he broke it off on his terms a few months ago, and recovery since then has been "real". What a crock.

Of course I can't believe anything he says now. He is sobbing and wailing and begging,
telling me all the things he is going to do, all the things he should have done the first time,
when I was willing to save this marriage, now I just don't know!

I've had it this time- I don't have the energy or heart to do this again. I just don't want my kids to be scarred for life by a D. Forgiving someone once is hard enough, but to even begin to think about it when he disgusts me so...any advice would be appreciated.

RUBY

Ruby, you are right, it is very hard. But sometimes it takes what it takes. Divorce is very hard, so is recovery. You were never really IN recovery to begin with, so this should be viewed as your REAL recovery, not necessarily a 2nd recovery. NOW, all the facts are out on the table. NOW, you know the importance of no contact. At least now you have a CHANCE of recovery.

I think it is probably worth it this time if you are assured that contact has really ended.

I know you are in shock and am sorry you are here, but isn't it a relief to know the truth finally?

ruby fruit

I am sorry to hear about your difficulties and I can totally realate to having to go through it again. My H has done it to me again!! This is the third time all with different women. The last time he hit rock bottom after a 7 month separation or so I thought. I mean if he really hit rock bottom than why would he do it again?? The biggest problem for me is that we are thousands of miles apart due to his job and the OW is there. He says it's over but I can't be sure!! All I can say is you have to turn it all over to the Lord. Devotionals, prayer and bible reading have helped me so much. When there are kids involved you have to stay as strong as you can for them. It is unfortunate that we as mother's have to put thier needs and feelings before ours sometimes!
I will pray for you and your family!

Ruby,

The WS's have a very tough time letting go of the fantasy, the perfect mate. Mine lied to me too and she kept seeing her BF and was even looking at apartments with him with the intent of moving out. Keep in mind, she was telling me all along, the A was over and she was going to make the M work. Lying becomes second nature because they lied daily up till they were caught. Don't trust him but don't be afraid to put your foot down too. I am sorry for you. The pain hurts very bad, we all know that too well.