I was thinking of going through cell phone bill and calling all unfamiliar numbers to find other woman and find out if he is still seeing her. But what if he is not? Am I out of line? He told me she was in a certain town. There are no numbers on cell phone bill for that town even though I know he was making calls to her. What should I do? He said the affair was over. She has called the house in the past and said that she was haveing sex with my husband. He said she was just lying to try and break us up. If I could find out that she is in town when he said she was out of town that would be proof that he is lying. I hate to think I could be having sex with a man who is having sex with somebody else. Can anybody think of a reason I should not try and find her and figure out if they are still seeing each other. She wants to break us up. What if I said prove it and I will leave my husband and you can have him? Would that motivate her? Husband would be angry but I can't stand not knowing and I do not think he is being honest with me.

Genia,

On the technical side, the prefix on a cell phone means nothing to me. My two best friends live in Texas and Georgia but both still use their old Virginia cell phone numbers.

Is you husband supposed to be NC? If so, how does he know when she's supposed to be out of town? Perhaps there's some background on another post. Also, is he accounting for his time, email, and all that other stuff?

If you don't think he's being honest with you, there's generally a reason. I'm all for snooping. Block your telephone number before making the calls and simply ask for her by first name only. Then say you accidentally dialed a wrong number.

More background if you read Letter to Husband --Update under Pregnancy/Child. Other woman is pregnant. Therefore no contact is out. He says he does not love her. He took her out of town to his parents supposedly and spent the night there. Thanks for the tip. I was thinking of doing just that. He threw the cell phone bill away somewhere. Not in my garbage because I went through the trash. I got smart. Signed up for an online account at my computer at work. He is not a computer buff. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

G--

As for whether or not you should call the other, I finally began to heal enough to where I would not yell at the other man. I called and told him I needed his help. He tried to talk but I said no this is my conversation not yours. I was very honest with him and told him that what he and my wife chose to do destroyed MY family. Hurt my children and now is the cause of our divorce.

At the end of the conversation I told him that I needed his help because I hoped that he would accept my forgiveness to him and his acts. He began to cry and said thank you.

I felt better about my self after hanging up the phone.

I told my WS and she got real nervous. But at least I was beginning to heal for the Affair. Now I just have to find a way to heal from the divorce.

My advice is to call if you are ready.

Wow you are quite a man to call and ask other man to accept your forgiveness. In the beginning, when I found out about the other woman I went to her job and we made an agreement to let him choose. He told me he chose me and it was over. I was <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> but <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> he chose me. Then two months later she calls and tells me she is seeing my husband and that the affair never stopped. My husband says she is lying. I just want to find out what is the truth. If he is telling the truth then I will support him, but somehow after all this I do not think he is telling the truth. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Opps Posted twice

<small>[ May 24, 2004, 02:58 PM: Message edited by: Genia ]</small>

Hi Genia,

After being here for 7 months and making 3 cell phone calls to the homewrecker my advice would be to ignore the OW and don't use her for any information gathering.People that cheat with other married people should not valued for anything,even their opinion.You cannot trust anything that that OW says and until you understand that,you will keep thinking that she may have something to offer you.

If anything she may send you off in the wrong direction or in circles.Snoop but do it on your WH.You're dealing with a couple of liars so if you leave one out,your chances of being thrown off the trail decrease.JMHO.

O

Hi Octobergirl,

I appreciate your response. I thought of getting a voice activated recorder but he watches TV and listens to music, that would not work. I will stick with checking the cell phone bill for now. He is nice when I don't make waves. Maybe I am too untrusting, but he is not helping me trust him when he keeps telling lies.

Genia, I don't think you are too untrusting at all. It would be crazy to trust an untrustworthy person. So those voice activated recorders can't screen out electronic voices?

Melody,

Humm,I do not know. I will have to check on that

Hi there,

this is probably going to sound abit strange or maybe even crazy but right after d-d I gave my husband the "sex" of his life!!!

I don't think even if the affair would of still been going on that he would of been able to "keep it" up.
We were having sex whenever there was an opputunity and if we weren't with one another then I even "gave him phone sex". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

This was so exciting I'm sure no OW would of been able to keep up with this and I'm more than sure that my husband was happy for the breaks he had when he was on his own. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I also gave him "hickies" so that if the affair would of still been going on at least OW would of SEEN that he was having sex with me his wife!!

I also made sure that his back was scratched (not too badly but just enough so that anyone would of seen it!)

Another thing that we started to do (I intiated this but surely not without a reason) we started to shave <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> .
I even shaved him a "heart" on his breast.

Anyways, this gave me a very safe feeling.

I now know though for sure that the affair did end on d-d and there was never anymore contact since then. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
So you might want to consider something like this and you'd probably save a call to OW because if the affair is really still going on, I'm sure she'll evaporate very soon getting this kinda treatment.

She'll LB while you fullfill your WS needs!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

bb

<small>[ May 25, 2004, 02:24 PM: Message edited by: blondblossom ]</small>

Hi Blonde,

I wish that were the case but I give him great sex always. I have more desire than him. I think the affair continued at least two months after discovery day because sex went from 3 times a week to once a week. I would beg for sex and put on sexy lingerie to get laid. but the idea of shaving is good. However hickies do not show good on a black man. I do not think he is in the affair now but I do think he talks to her. Sex has increased between us and he is sweeter to me but gets angry if I mention her.