Brief update…. Haven’t posted in a while….

D-day well over two years ago
ME- BS 31
HE- WS 35
Found this site 3-6 months after D-day
A- lasted 2+ years
NC- March 04
In recovery

Now the current problem….

The first several weeks into recovery were blissful… My WS showered me with attention, affection, we started to roll-up our sleeves for the “work” that we knew we were about to face. We started MC through our church. We did the needs questionnaire, etc….. It just seems like now we are at this road block- or cross-roads if I were to look at it more positive… We know what we “should” be doing- and what we “need” to be doing… But of course don’t seem to find the time to actually do those things all the time… (We have two young children….) (I know we should make “us” a priority- but it doesn’t always happen- it is improving though…) I guess we both have just been a little frustrated with the way things have been the last few days- so we talked last nite… I explained how IMPORTANT my need for affection is right now… (ie- attention, holding, affection, etc… ) How it reassures me how important I am to him etc… And he said that he is sorry- but he just doesn’t “feel” like being affectionate right now….

What I don’t understand or I guess I can’t get my point across to him is that throughout this whole process up until now- there were plenty of times that I didn’t “feel” like meeting his needs- but ya know what- I DID IT ANYWAY… Because I am committed to making this marriage work…

And where I am torn is- I know that I have to be patient, and allow him to go completely through withdraw- and let him “feel” everything…. But does that mean compromising having my needs not met?.... I feel like I am still meeting his needs- and when asked he said that I am completely meeting his needs…. So….. ????????

I know there are bumps in the road to recovery- and that this is HARD work…. I am just looking for some input on how to get over these hurdles….

Thanks for listening to me vent….

I hear what you're saying. WS's are often in emotional burn out. Their giver is exhausted and their taker has turned in to a blazing egomaniac. Even if his taker has settled down some, he may still be dealing with depression or withdrawl. He really does need to 'go through the motions' where he can. He may not be able to fully meet your need for affection right now, though. Maybe if the two of you can discuss some things that would help, and not feel too much for him. It's always hard after the honeymoon period ends. He's still looking for that high to keep going - and it just doesn't. Now comes the work.