I just had a discussion with my WH about MC. Our first appointment is coming up Thursday. I asked what we should be talking about, and he said, the pattern of conflict and sex. I said I wanted to talk about his betrayal. He said the fact that we haven't had sex in a long time was what led to his "betrayal."

Well there was a lot more to it than my not having sex with him. That isn't the way it was. He's had trouble with blood pressure and prostate problems, medication that makes him impotent, a very self-absorbed style of lovemaking. It's not just me in all this.

One thing led to another and he's insisting that without a sexual relationship with me we can't have a good, whole marriage. And my feelings right now are that I don't care if I never have sex with him again.

I'm still feeling deeply wounded and hurt, and I don't like this man much any more. I'm not attracted to him physically, and haven't been for some time. He used Viagra with the OW who's much younger than we are (he's 16 years older than I am!).

His thinks that my view is "bleak" and "threatening" and that it doesn't bode well for having a good marriage again. Good heavens, I just learned about this affair less than 3 weeks ago! I'm still feeling hurt, and betrayed, and angry. I still love him, but I don't like him. And if he can't understand that it isn't time yet to "get beyond" those feelings, I don't know what to do.

I have good days and bad days, and today isn't very good. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I believe this saying:
"Sex is the glue that holds a marriage together."

Making love is important, very important.
It is probably the best way of expressing love for one another.

Sincerely, Julie
P.S. But I understand, until you can forgive your H, your 'heart' would not be into making love with your H.
However, you could just decide to rise above your feelings and be a 'giver'....and you just might be REWARDED in return!!!

HFT
I feel your pain, it is hard to get through to a man or my man, and sounds like your's as well that more than just sex is involved with the problems of the M.
Remember, it is probably his most important need.
We are reading a book together, great bonding, Men are From Mars Woman are from Venus in the Bedroom.
It is very helpful.
I also suggest His Needs Her Needs. Your H needs to know how to meet your needs, a woman has desire and wants S when her EN are meant.

I wish you luck, keep posting